To not bother with tomorrow's job interview because I can't even cope not working

[sanssherif]

Brief history
Well qualified good job
Divorce, during unplanned preg. Now left alone no friends no support.
Disabled dd age 12.
Have had 2 years off work, dd2 is 3.
Applied for competitive but lower level role, was excited by the role and thrilled at the interview!
Its been a shit week back to school, my exH has given me the silent treatment, dd1 isnt coping and still awake (autism) and dd2 has just been sick everywhere.
I've been recently drinking more and am getting depressed at the no interaction/general skivvy mum role.
Really cannot be bothered to go, doesnt seem much point. Just want to crawl into a hole.
AIBU?

Well then there is absolutely nothing you can do about that. The fact that you are even thinking about other possibilities is great, so it clearly is the beginning of a new process... give yourself lots of credit.

Thank you. Im so annoyed, i know thats unfair. I dont think that opportubity will arise again it was so niche. Im hoping somehow the successful candidate will change their mind and i could have it but i guesd that wont happen.
Im embarrassed i tried and failed but it made my mind up to definitely want to work so i frally hope an opportunity comes.
The chance i got from yesterday, was to take part voluntarily in some related activitt. I will try my upmost to do that well.

It sounds like the voluntary work might be just the thing for you at the moment. Getting you out and about and giving you an interest, but something you can fit in with your childcare needs.
Some people like being at home all the time but for many they do better getting out, meeting people and having that structure to their day. Of course it would be better to get paid but even if this is not possible right now a volunteer position has a lot of advantages and may lead to paid work in future.

Thanks. I have a very academic background and think this went against me as it was quite a vocational job.
So voluntary work shows the ability to work hands on

...and who knows where the voluntary will lead? How exciting!
(I always thought How exciting?!' was my Dad's little phrase for anything that means change, even if very daunting. Apparently it's what I always say too & have done ever since I was very little. I never noticed I said it before he mentioned it, but I do, and he told me he started using it as a way of challenging himself to do stuff he was perhaps doubtful of doing - you don't know how positive it can be for you if you don't try)

Let me be a ‘whatever the opposite of cautionary” tale.
10 years go I was not working and in the midst of a real MH and addiction crisis. I got clean, got CBT, started voluntary work which turned into a fascinating and well paid job. I’m still there and they’re supporting (via fees and time) me in doing the highest training in my field this year.
You’re much further along than I was employment wise. I remember in the interview for the voluntary post noticing my clothes were dirty.

Unless you really need the experience for your cv I personally wouldn’t do the voluntary work - you are already burned out.
You need something that will give back as well (money, status, progression) not just another drain on you.

I just feel that since my divorce and baby, i have become useless.
Papers rejected, rejected at interview. I cant seem to get back in the swing.
This job was 3 bands under my qualifications but id have been good at it. Thats what i thought about volunteering, it shows thats what i want to do?

I thought the volunteering idea was genius! It'll get you out there, boost your confidence, showcase your skills, remind you who you are again. Plus the way it demonstrates vocational ability is perfect.

It sounds like a clear stepping stone to where you want to go.

Plus, the way it came up after the interview feels to me like Fate, Destiny, and a Signpost From The Universe. 😊

I'd do it. I really think it makes a lot of sense.

And please please don't let yourself feel ashamed, embarrassed or a failure.

I went through a divorce and it will rip up the last shreds of your confidence and spit on them, given half a chance. Please don't give it that chance!

Just carry on doing your sweet thang. Most successful people have a past that's LITTERED with failure. Most pro baseball players miss the ball 60% of the time. Most pro football players don't score a goal in MOST games.

You're judging yourself on outcomes. At this point, you'd do better on judging yourself on effort. You're getting out there. That's honestly enough at this point in your life.

I think you need a role model - a strong woman who went through divorce, was a single mum, but achieved amazing stuff. Watch Joy - it's awesome, on Netflix. Watch Erin Brovowich. Get a celebrity alter-ego that you can stalk on IG and copy.

You are NOT alone in walking this path. It's steep and rocky now but the view from the top will be beautiful.

What your last message was amazing thanks.
Yes, effort as the determinant of success!
Im reading lifeshocks by sophie sabbage. It is helping.
Going to watch joy when the 3yr old sleeps in a bit.
As usual im hungover.

Ooh, I'll get that book!

Joy isn't on Netflix anymore. Dammit! It's on Amazon Prime Video but not free.

Erin Brockovich is on Amazon, for £.

Ooh - GirlBoss on Netflix! Watch that! She's not a single mum but she's ballsy and resilient!

I'll take a look.
Feeling really low. I'm scared I'll never find anything and the longer it takes the worse it will be.

Hangovers make you feel low as you’ve depleted your body's vitamin B - the happy, calm, relaxed vitamins. And you’re probably knackered because you’re not sleeping right.

What’s happening with the volunteering opportunity?

Please don’t think that you can see the future. Your own life so far should prove to you that you never know what’s aroubd the corner! (That’s certainly how I feel about my own life.) So don’t let yourself make predictions about never finding work again, etc. That’s honestly just your hangover and tiredness talking. If your 12 y/o started talking like that about school, what would you say to her? What would you advise her to do? Say those things to yourself.

Nice good tonight. No booze. Hot chocolate, positive film with a feisty/strong female character. Early night. Vitamins. Sleep.

Ugh - I’m too vain to wear my reading glasses so my typing is crap!

AROUND the corner.

Nice FOOD tonight.

You are not alone in your drinking. It's at epidemic levels for women. Could you maybe get some beta blockers/medication from your GP to help you cope with the anxiety that makes you turn to drink?

You sound like a great person although you can't see that. It's very difficult when the kids are young. I wish you well. Keep applying for jobs, it will give you some focus.

I admire you very much. Best wishes.

I'm already on a lot of medication, they won't give me any more. I have bought a bottle of pepsi. I find that the act of drinking is a compulsive one for me when I feel stressed. So glugging soda is better than wine. I'm a very fast drinker, always have one at the bar before I take the round back to the table.
I popped to the Spar earlier and felt a craving looking at the wine in the fridge. That is a bad sign, I was dry for 3 years up until 6 months ago, and rarely craved. So no more alcohol here.
The volunteering will train me for the practical side of the job. It comes with formal training and will not influence benefits. So my application will be stronger for next time.

@Etino, that's really inspiring.

Good luck OP

OP, you need to not be so hard on yourself. You did bloody well getting to the interview considering what you have to deal with at home. I've been a SAHM for over 2 years now and become a carer for my husband in the last year. I can really recommend voluntary work. I do one day a week and it is helping to rebuild my confidence and it's great to have something that gets me out of the house and reminds me what I am capable of at work.
And try not to worry too much when you have to switch to Universal Credit. If you're getting carers allowance they will not give you any hassle or require you to look for jobs. I've only had to go to the job centre once at the start, that was 8 months ago. Just try to build up some savings to keep you going for a month during the change over, and make sure they include the element for caring, as that adds £150 odd, which they then take the carers allowance off of but if it's not there you will be worse off (if that makes any sense).

I really thought I'd have a chance. I couldn't have done more.
I never thought it'd be this hard to get a job. I used to be so confident, but I suppose I was turned down for a few things then.
I'm wondering about some study as well but it costs so much. And I don't know what I want to 'be'!

It's a really tough job market out there X
Stay strong

Yeah I know. This was for a 'good' employer-local government which employs loads of people. So was always going to be competitive.
I wish I'd done better after leaving school. I think once you get to my age you are swimming upstream.

One day at a time! The volunteering will give you training, so that's perfect. I can't wait for you to start that. Your mood will definitely lift once you're wearing make-up, straightening your hair and learning things every day!

And HIGH FIVE on the sober Saturday! ✋🏻 You're a rock star. You gave no idea how cool you are.