Sanssherif I'm late to the party, but couldn't stop reading.
You & all the kind posters on here are inspirational.
I have never bothered to read a thread even half as long as this and posted before - I normally thing meh, it's all already been said.
I wish you well - it's amazing that you pulled yourself together & got to that interview. Personally, I couldn't have got over that hurdle, but you did, which was courageous given the sickness, not knowing where the passport was, lack of sleep, feeling so low.
FWIW, I don't think you were meant to get that job. I do think you were meant to go to the interview as a way of you finding out about the voluntary work, and that you are meant to do the voluntary work.
You sound like an amazing person. Re the drinking - well done on getting the Pepsi. I love a G&T, and even though I'm not a big drinker, I fell into a habit about 4 years ago, of having a G&T whilst cooking. Before I knew where I was, there was a worrying amount of gin missing from the bottle. I stopped, but still get the occasional craving, and relate to what you've said.
Using a glass that I'd put my G&T in, but drinking Low Cal Tonic Water with a slice of lemon does the job for me. I also get a weird kick out of the fact that it doesn't even matter that it hasn't got a gin in it . It's as if I'm kidding the gin rather than kidding myself, if that makes any sense. So keep up the good work.
Your problems are real, so no guilt needed there - but you're putting steps in place to overcome them, and you'll get there. Good luck with the vluntary work - do you know when you start?