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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not bother with tomorrow's job interview because I can't even cope not working

208 replies

sanssherif · 06/09/2018 22:04

Brief history
Well qualified good job
Divorce, during unplanned preg. Now left alone no friends no support.
Disabled dd age 12.
Have had 2 years off work, dd2 is 3.
Applied for competitive but lower level role, was excited by the role and thrilled at the interview!
Its been a shit week back to school, my exH has given me the silent treatment, dd1 isnt coping and still awake (autism) and dd2 has just been sick everywhere.
I've been recently drinking more and am getting depressed at the no interaction/general skivvy mum role.
Really cannot be bothered to go, doesnt seem much point. Just want to crawl into a hole.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
sanssherif · 16/09/2018 11:37

I can cope with the shifts but worried about the kids- ex's family are narcs and drama llamas. But after xmas wont need them, plus i will pay them.
Dds in nursery other dd at school so can sleep in day.
Hopefully when dd age 3 in school course done and will be more practical to do same job i wanted. Plus will have vol experience.

OP posts:
Sharptic · 16/09/2018 13:08

I understand the mental strength it takes to go through an interview when it feels like getting through the day is a battle.

I've had short periods of not working or studying and found that it did have a detrimental effect on mental health. Getting back to work really helped pick me up, grow my self esteem and make new friends. It's worth it! Good luck

Penisbeakerismyfavethread · 16/09/2018 13:25

Take it! You will be fantastic- does dd2 have a 15 hours free nursery/childminder place?
Could you see about tax credits helping with childcare?
Goodluck

RickOShay · 16/09/2018 13:31

That’s brilliant, definitely take it.

I think you would regret it if you didn’t. Bloody well done!

Original poster
sanssherif · 16/09/2018 13:38

Just approached exh and family and am now in tears the whole toxic situation makes me ill.
Think i will look for a course only in school hours. I actually cannot deal with these people any more.
God im just trapped Sad

OP posts:
AnythingButMagnolia · 16/09/2018 13:41

I felt similar last week.

Almost cancelled interview due to confidence issues. However I went along on the basis that if I got the job it would be s confidence boost (and I could always decline) and if I didn't get it, well I didn't want it anyway.

I'm still waiting to hear, they said we will hear by Tuesday.

I don't expect to get offer, although often in the past it has been the interviews where I didn't really want the job which were successful. My theory is that you relax more and communicate better when you're not bothered.

RickOShay · 16/09/2018 13:43

What happened sans?

ClaryFray · 16/09/2018 13:56

Go. It may be th change you need to pull you out of the rut

RickOShay · 16/09/2018 13:56

Don’t give up now. Don’t let them take your future, there is a way round this. You are safe, they can’t get you.

Original poster
sanssherif · 16/09/2018 13:59

My ex physically abused our kids, they arent allowed unsupervised. His mum is an absolute bitch who blames me for everything, tells my children im awful, and tells the rest of her family i have said things i havent so they hate me. We have just gad a 2 mth period of silent treatment because i argued back. She just sent my dd a blank birthday card as she 'wasnt sure she was grandma anymore' after i didnt arselick her when she said not to contact her. Her 2 dds (ehHs sisters) would mind the kids if i pay but i will have exmil causing shit the whole time.
Aibu to just leave it be and find something else where i dont need anything to do with any of them?

OP posts:
Original poster
sanssherif · 16/09/2018 14:03

I think I saw your thread magnolia.
Best of luck there's still a chance xx
I'm devastated I didn't get the job I applied for, it would have been so perfect and changed my life. Perhaps that's too much to put on a job.
I'm so sick of being a single parent with no partner to help and no living family.
I'm beholden to the ex's family if I need anything.
My dd has a congenital heart condition and needed surgery when I was pregnant with dd2.
She rang slagging me off for opening my legs to have another child because I couldn't take her to clinic one day. I just cannot face contact with her.

OP posts:
AnythingButMagnolia · 16/09/2018 14:12

Sansherif Thanksso sorry that sounds tough. Don't give up hope, hopefully something else which is as good will come along. Stay strong.

Original poster
sanssherif · 16/09/2018 14:22

Trying Magnolia. I'm usually a 'get on with it' type but I'm ground down with life.

OP posts:
iMatter · 16/09/2018 14:30

I've only just seen this thread but wanted to wish you luck and success.

Stay strong.

You are doing so well.

We are all standing with you. Thanks

Original poster
sanssherif · 16/09/2018 14:36

Thanks iMatter. Doesn't feel like it.
Although I have internalised the 'associate success with effort' metaphor shared up the thread.

OP posts:
iMatter · 16/09/2018 14:39

Yes - I loved that too.

I say to my kids "Your effort matters more than your grades" so I guess it's a similar idea.

Original poster
sanssherif · 16/09/2018 15:38

Perhaps so.
I feel such a failure x

OP posts:
RickOShay · 16/09/2018 16:49

You are NOT a failure
You haven’t had it easy, but you haven’t failed.
Are there any other childcare options? It’s only for a couple of months.
Don’t let them win.

Awakeupnorth · 16/09/2018 16:57

Hi OP, I can see how hard things have been, and how the chance of the course means to you. You've mentioned it's part funded and a small bursary. Are there also hardship funds that can be applied for to cover things like childcare? And could the university help with some childcare options (e.g. nursery)?

Original poster
sanssherif · 16/09/2018 17:24

Hey thanks so much.
Not really its at night.
I'm going to ask a friend if her daughters would do it.
For 7-midnight do you think 30 pounds is enough Or would you say 40?
I get a bit towards childcare but want to make it worth it for them and so I can relax knowing they're not pissed off with my kids x

OP posts:
Awakeupnorth · 16/09/2018 17:46

Sorry, I'm out of touch with the going rate.

Way back when I needed child care I didn't really know any local families, but childminder would do some nights, and there was a Childcare @ Home service (expensive, but sliding scale dependent on income). Not really answering your question.

Original poster
sanssherif · 16/09/2018 18:07

Awake, that's well worth looking into, so thank you. That is very helpful x

OP posts:
RickOShay · 16/09/2018 20:33

Think £30 is fine. It would be where i am, but that is in the sticks.
If she can’t, she might know of someone, it’s worth asking.
Good plan.

Original poster
sanssherif · 16/09/2018 20:37

Im north west.
So not london prices.
Im scared i will miss out on my kids and regret it. What if im failing them by doing something for me?

OP posts:
Betsy86 · 16/09/2018 20:49

You are fantastic op never give up!!
Just read full thread and i am routing for you!! Childcare is so stressful isnt it.
Yes i think ask friends daughter to do it you will feel do much better not having to speak to or pay exh family!!!xx