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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH parents set up WhatsApp group for my 11yr old but didn't include me

166 replies

Madfin2 · 27/08/2018 07:05

We've recently given my DS11 a mobile phone. I didn't want him to have any apps for safety reasons but DH insisted he have WhatsApp so he can call his overseas grandparents. I've just checked my sons phone and have seen the grandparents have set up a WhatsApp group for my son with DH's immediate family but not included me. AIBU to be annoyed or is this normal?

OP posts:
lillylollylandy · 27/08/2018 07:06

I'd be annoyed. Is DH in it? Make him add you.

FatCow2018 · 27/08/2018 07:07

Why are you annoyed? Do you normally talk with them a lot?

positivepixie · 27/08/2018 07:11

Just get DS or DH to add you and assume it was an error.

If all the family are in it I'd be annoyed at being left out but if it's just the GPs then I would understand that they just wanted to be able to say hi to their DGS.

Original poster
Madfin2 · 27/08/2018 07:12

Yes DH is on it, and no I don't talk with his family often. They also have their own adult family WhatsApp group - which I'm also not included.

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 27/08/2018 07:12

I wouldn't be annoyed by this - it's just their way to message and stay in touch with him, and having you in the loop inevitably changes that dynamic. He's 11, so he's allowed to message people without you.

But if you're annoyed, you're annoyed, and that's not unreasonable either, as it's your feelings.

GoblinSharts · 27/08/2018 07:14

If you don’t usually talk to them then it is not strange and yabu.

Original poster
Madfin2 · 27/08/2018 07:17

I'm sure it's harmless and it's lovely they are staying in touch. They are a very close family and I've always felt on the outside. I'll ask DH to add me.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 27/08/2018 07:19

Yanbu but it's a pity, especially if you're not in the adult one either. You should say it in passing to your DH if it bothers you so much but tbh it sounds like you just don't have the relationship with them, think it would have been nice for your child to see you all as more of a team though

Ovaltine1 · 27/08/2018 07:35

Use your son's phone. Leave the group. Only allow him to be back on the group if you are included as well. That should be non negotiable.

notsohippychick · 27/08/2018 07:39

I’m not included in my OH families what’s app group. Couldn’t care less!

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 27/08/2018 07:41

Well dh is in the group so it wouldn't bother me, however as ds is only 11 you will presumably be sometimes checking his phone anyway so you can read all the posts anyway. Probably worth dh making them aware that both of you will be reading the posts.

user1471517900 · 27/08/2018 07:41

If DH is in the group then I don't see issue. In fact since it's the grandparents there could be an argument to not have DH in there too! You can ask DH to join as long as you actually want to chat to the in laws. If you want to join but not post much, that might be more odd

Orchidflower1 · 27/08/2018 07:42

If it was just the adults in the family I’d be fine with not being in the group but because your ds is in I’d want to be too. Get dh to add you. I’d feel undermined.

paintinmyhairAgain · 27/08/2018 07:43

get yourself added then forget about it, some families close ranks on 'outsiders', i used to feel like an outsider, real or perceived, mil always used to say how close the family were - i thought she was deluded - but have been proven correct as over the years for various reasons the whole family seems to have fallen apart and there is bitching and cliques. dh and i are happily low / no contact with most of them, bliss : )

Sammysquiz · 27/08/2018 07:43

Only allow him to be back on the group if you are included as well. That should be non negotiable.

But why? His father is in the group. OP has said she doesn’t speak to the family often. Why does she need to be in the group?

Cockapoomummy · 27/08/2018 07:45

Your DH is in it. Don’t you trust him?

BertrandRussell · 27/08/2018 07:47

“Use your son's phone. Leave the group. Only allow him to be back on the group if you are included as well. That should be non negotiable.”

Why?

FatCow2018 · 27/08/2018 07:47

Ahhhhh ok, its not because you want to be part of the chat you just want to see what everyone is saying to your son.

You sound odd and controlling. Back off and leave them to it.

Muminho · 27/08/2018 07:48

YABU

Sounds like it's a nice way for him to communicate with his grandparents and his dad can keep an eye on it. Why do you need to muscle in? Just leave them to it.

NynaeveSedai · 27/08/2018 07:49

Why do you need to be included if your husband is?

ExBbqQueen · 27/08/2018 07:49

I think you’re looking for problems where there aren’t any. Your dh is on there. My family & dhs message my dcs all the time. I don’t need to know what they are about.

Antigon · 27/08/2018 07:50

They are not including you on two family whatsapp groups, I wouldn't be happy. Definitely ask DH to add you.

Do they imclude other DILs/SILs?

BertrandRussell · 27/08/2018 07:52

Also, what does “I didn't want him to have any apps for safety reasons” mean?

paintinmyhairAgain · 27/08/2018 07:53

what ex BbqQueen said.as you don't really talk with dhs' family i don't get the pouting angle either, you could read the messages anyway. dh can monitor it surely ?

BaronessBomburst · 27/08/2018 07:53

I'm in various family WhatsApp groups with some people in some groups and not in others. I'm sure there'll be some more groups that I'm not in.
It is normal for them to have a group for their immediate family only, and as DH is in it I wouldn't feel the need to police it.
This isn't really about that though; they've excluded you yet again and it hurts. You need to tell DH how you feel.
As an aside, did you know that you can download a WhatsApp app onto your laptop and scan DS phone so you can monitor his conversation.
My DS has WhatsApp at 8, so this is what I've done.
That's said, I have his phone more often than he does as it get confiscated regularly.

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