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AIBU?

DH parents set up WhatsApp group for my 11yr old but didn't include me

166 replies

Madfin2 · 27/08/2018 07:05

We've recently given my DS11 a mobile phone. I didn't want him to have any apps for safety reasons but DH insisted he have WhatsApp so he can call his overseas grandparents. I've just checked my sons phone and have seen the grandparents have set up a WhatsApp group for my son with DH's immediate family but not included me. AIBU to be annoyed or is this normal?

OP posts:

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TerracottaDream · 28/08/2018 20:59

If a man had tried to infiltrate a family Whatapp group he would be accused of controlling. Really narcissistic behaviour.

3WildOnes · 28/08/2018 21:06

I have no idea if Dh has a family WhatsApp group but I have one with my family and dh is not in it. None of the other wags or habs are on it either.

3WildOnes · 28/08/2018 21:09

And i can’t begin to imagine what everyone would be thinking if dh sent a message to my parents complaining of being left out.

Roseandvioletcreams · 28/08/2018 21:15

@teletybbi

Excellent post to Bertrand Russel.

I totally concur with the gas lighting aspect and total denial of how people feel when they are excluded time and again by in laws.

Many of br posts lead me to think she thinks it's fine to not make people feel welcome in the the family, to exclude them and be clear they are just tolerated. That we should never aim for anything else.

However I do agree with Bertrand Russel that if the gp are in danger of being unpleasant then they shouldn't be allowed to be in a group with her son.

I'm really worried about my in laws waiting for dd to be old enough to have a phone then do similar.
I'm worried because they are manipulative, coercive and I don't feel they put anyone but themselves first and I'm not sure how to explain this to dd without giving lectures on narracisitics, emotional black mail etc.

Very tricky

TerracottaDream · 28/08/2018 21:19

Roseandvioletcreams - absolutely if they are likely to be manipulative but OP’s husband is in the group... and critically no other in-laws.

nailak · 28/08/2018 23:44

Why would it not be ok for someone to be in a WhatsApp group with their siblings and parents, without including their partner?

I have a WhatsApp group with me, db, dm, and dd(11). No one's leaving out my dh or my db/dm partners. It's just not relevant to them.

parentin · 29/08/2018 00:16

I'm still shocked that she texted the MIL even thou the father was in the group. And yes it may very well change the group dynamic. Don't you have WhatsApp groups with your own family, I would find it intrusive, and would no longer post within the group but send individually. I really don't think you should have text without discussing it with your partner first. Your desire to be in the know all may very well push you future from the know all.

MenaMecca · 29/08/2018 04:03

I have a WhatsApp group with me, db, dm, and dd(11). No one's leaving out my dh or my db/dm partners. It's just not relevant to them.

This!

My husband has a WhatsApp group with his family. We don't have children, but if we do and that child is part of the group, I won't mind.

kateandme · 29/08/2018 14:58

we have a whatapp that is all the people on my dads side(last name/our family name now through marriage)my mum is on that.this makes me feel very lucky and so glad she can be part of it and wanted.haha wanted over my dad probably sometimes too! but we wouldn't ever dream of having my mums side on their too.oh god no.

Stromi13 · 29/08/2018 15:45

YANBU. Delete the group or have dh add you. You are being purposely excluded.

I’d be going out of my way to exclude them back from events. No invites to sports or dinners. Because fuck them.

CottonSock · 29/08/2018 15:50

I wouldn't want to be in it.

PrincessScarlett · 29/08/2018 15:57

This story has appeared in The Sun online 4 hours ago, just popped up on my google. More lazy journalism.

I also noticed on The Wright Stuff this morning there was a phone in about whether to make visitors remove their shoes - another recent thread!

Teacher22 · 29/08/2018 16:51

Your family has included your son but excluded you? I don’t think it at all unreasonable that you should be either suspicious or hurt. What are they thinking? You are his mother and if anyone should see his communications you should. If no one should, they shouldn’t.

BertrandRussell · 29/08/2018 16:54

"You are his mother and if anyone should see his communications you should. If no one should, they shouldn’t."
Are you suggesting that this 11 year old's mother should be in the room at all times when he is chatting to his grandparents?

thatgirl1 · 29/08/2018 17:02

Ignore them Op mumsnet is full of cunts

MenaMecca · 29/08/2018 22:39

I wouldn't want to be in it either! lol.

Think of the pressure to comment or strike up a conversation/say hi every so often.

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