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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH parents set up WhatsApp group for my 11yr old but didn't include me

166 replies

Madfin2 · 27/08/2018 07:05

We've recently given my DS11 a mobile phone. I didn't want him to have any apps for safety reasons but DH insisted he have WhatsApp so he can call his overseas grandparents. I've just checked my sons phone and have seen the grandparents have set up a WhatsApp group for my son with DH's immediate family but not included me. AIBU to be annoyed or is this normal?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 27/08/2018 10:11

"Remove your Child from the Group ... and don't let them do this again"

Why?

SpringSnow · 27/08/2018 10:14

Just get your husband to add you, you sound like awfully hard work op.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2018 10:15

Just add yourself on it, and ask your dh why he did not add you.

Gemini69 · 27/08/2018 10:17

Why?

Why not ?

LuluBellaBlue · 27/08/2018 10:19

I wouldn’t be fussed at all, and think you’re being over sensitive.
In fact I’d be relieved to not get constant updates Grin

Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2018 10:19

Wow I am shocked how your dh family overtly dislike you. They make it quite clear, unless you have behaved badly to them, that is shocking, what does your dh say about this. Does he have your back? Did he not question to his mum where you are in the wedding pictures? His failure to add you, really speaks volumes, and I would ask him why he did not add you, and how that made you feel. Sounds like its them(including dh) against you. Which does not bode well.

BertrandRussell · 27/08/2018 10:20

"Today 10:17 Gemini69

"Why?

Why not ?"
Ah. You're just being silly. How boring.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2018 10:20

MIL and FIL have wedding pictures and pictures of both me and dh round their house.

cheeseandpineapple · 27/08/2018 10:28

Up until the info about the wedding photos I was thinking you might be over reacting but given the context, would speak to your DH and let him know how you feel.

It’s at best inconsiderate and at worst deliberate but either way the WhatsApp group should be the trigger for raising the issue with your husband. It’s pretty lousy being systematically excluded particularly re the photos!

He needs to convey the message subtlety to his parents eg add you to the group and at some point say to them I’ve noticed you haven’t got a wedding photo of me and namenumber up, here’s a nice one I’ve had printed and framed for you to put him”.

They might get the message that way. To confront them directly could make you all feel awkward.

ProcrastinatingPingu · 27/08/2018 10:29

DH has a group chat with MIL, FIL & SIL, I'm not even slightly arsed as they talk about stuff that doesn't interest me and if I needed to know anything DH would let me know.
If DD was a part of that as she grew up I wouldn't care either as the same thing would apply.
HOWEVER if the group included SIL's DH and purposefully excluded me I'd be annoyed, but I'm not the type to stay quiet about that sort of thing, so it wouldn't be for long.
If it's related family only and you hardly talk to them, YABU, if it's family and partners but with you excluded I can absolutely see why you'd be upset and YANBU.

BertrandRussell · 27/08/2018 10:29

My dp's brother's wife managed to get a wedding video with only fleeting glimpses of anyone on our side. It was a masterpiece of editing!

Fluffyunicorns · 27/08/2018 10:29

I’m amazed that only one person has mentioned the age limits - it’s 16plus so your DS should not have it anyway - family is ok I would have thought but once it’s there it’s usable for anyone

cheeseandpineapple · 27/08/2018 10:29

*up not him!

BertrandRussell · 27/08/2018 10:32

"WhatsApp group should be the trigger for raising the issue with your husband."

Actually, I think the wedding pictures should be. The WhatsApp group is difficult because it would be easy to argue that there is no reason for the OP to be included. ImpoSible to say that about the wedding pictures.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 27/08/2018 10:33

I have a WhatsApp group with my DC which I set up to send them pics from a holiday DH and I were on together. DH isn’t on it but I show him all the messages when we use it, which is rarely.

Get your DH to add you, send a cheery hello message then leave them to it.

Gemini69 · 27/08/2018 10:37

Ah. You're just being silly. How boring

Hmm
teletybbi · 27/08/2018 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 27/08/2018 10:39

I have been excluded from my OH family email chats , to be honest its quite hurtful as his brothers wife is on it. If they set up a group with my DC and excluded me I would be very unhappy about it. Its encouraging them to continue to exclude you as they see you as not part of the family. Your DH should have picked this up and sorted it out. I have a whats app group with my sisters but that has nothing to do with my DC or my OH.

Everyoneiswingingit · 27/08/2018 10:41

It is weird for everyone but you to be in th group. I have a DH family group and a my family group. Both Dh and I are in both as are all the other sister and brother-in-laws.

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 27/08/2018 10:44

One way of sorting this out is to get your DS to leave the group chat. Set one of his own up which includes them and you!

BertrandRussell · 27/08/2018 10:47

"One way of sorting this out is to get your DS to leave the group chat. Set one of his own up which includes them and you!"
Because getting an 11 year old involved n this is such a good idea.......

BlueJava · 27/08/2018 10:49

My DH's family also have a whatsapp group and both my DS also have a group with my MIL (their grandma). I'm not included in either. This is excellent because it means I have no clue what's going on so don't have to arrange anything and never gets asked for anything! Apparently my SIL recently invited us to a christening on the group which DH accepted... she was then surprised when he forgot all about it and we didn't turn up because I knew nothing about it. I'm still not added though :)

mumeeee · 27/08/2018 10:49

WhatsApp have recently changed their rules and the minimum age for having WhatsApp. The age is now 16 so your DS shouldn't have WhatsApp anyway

Confusedbeetle · 27/08/2018 10:51

Only the grandparents could add you to the group, but why should they? You dont especially want to chat with them and DH can keep an eye on it. At 11 he is old enough to chat to his grandparents without risk

HotSauceCommittee · 27/08/2018 10:55

@FatCow (I feel rude, referring to you as that), re the cake; I had no expectations and it only occurred to me to laugh when a couple of friends, independently of one another, pointed it out.
I am treated very well by DPILs, they are just a bit self absorbed and daft that’s all. I think there’s a tipping point where I thought, “ok, you are all a bit mad and we are the real adults here, now” (also with my parents for different reasons).
When you get older, you realise, one’s parents are insane. DH and I often say it to one another and laugh. It helps, instead of me getting all upset about something small that doesn’t really matter when in the overall scheme of things, life is so much bigger.
We can just smile and nod at the time, no harm done.

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