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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to believe my husband (kiss)

203 replies

IloveGandT · 04/08/2018 18:18

Hi everyone,
I think there will be a bit of a divide in terms of reactions on this thread but I really want to know what everyone thinks.
My husband went out last night for a few drinks with some of the guys from his work. They went round a few pubs in a town not far from ours and also went round a couple of clubs.
I went to bed at around 1am because he never normally comes home much before 4/5am on a night out so I didn't stay up to wait for him.
I messaged him when I got into bed telling him to stay safe and that I love him and that I was going to sleep. About a minute later, I had a message that simply said 'I'm so sorry but I've kissed someone tonight. I'm coming home'
He got home and I was very upset but he insists that the woman came up to him and kissed him and he kissed back but then pulled away.
He's never done anything like this before although he's a very flirty person and he's popular with women.
AIBU to accept it as just a harmless mistake?
I don't want to throw away an otherwise happy marriage Sad

OP posts:
Aprilshowersinaugust · 04/08/2018 18:19

Does he know her? Do you?
Imo a big difference if its a stranger or a friend.

Smellbellina · 04/08/2018 18:20

In those circs i’d Give him the benefit of the doubt doesn’t sound like you have any other reasons for thinking he would be lying?

ohdeardeardear · 04/08/2018 18:20

I'd be devastated Sad

Storm4star · 04/08/2018 18:21

My question would be how does he plan to stop something like this happening in future? It does sound as if he’s been honest because he could have just not said a word and you’d never have known. Unless of course someone else saw him and he was scared they’d tell you?

SequinsOnEverything · 04/08/2018 18:21

I'd not end things over that. He told you, her came home, he obviously feels bad. I can see it possibly taking a second or two to register that someone is kissing you and to stop them.

bigchris · 04/08/2018 18:22

Why devastated?

He told you straight away

It was a KISS!

I wouldn't throw a marriage away for that!

IdontunderstandPicasso · 04/08/2018 18:22

Yes who was she? Sometimes we are so shocked by what someone has done it takes us a minute to react. If he had been making eyes at her all night and then she took is as a come on then it is different to someone catching you completely off guard. No I wouldn’t throw my marriage away over it, especially if they admitted it straight away like he did.

leanne9312 · 04/08/2018 18:24

I never get it when someone kisses then pulls away he had the chance to stop it when. She got close in the first place. He's a dickhead

AlphaBravo · 04/08/2018 18:24

It's a kiss. He told you straight away. Honestly.

ThisIsntMeHonestGuv · 04/08/2018 18:25

I would believe him. Surely if he was trying to hide something, he would have said nothing at all?

geekone · 04/08/2018 18:26

I would be happy he called straight away and told me. I don’t think many people would do this.
I can understand your trepidation but even for most people however innocent they would never have mentioned it to their partner.

DearMrDilkington · 04/08/2018 18:27

I'd believe him too.

ohdeardeardear · 04/08/2018 18:29

Because he'd kissed another woman. Like PP said, he kissed back THEN pulled away. Any man other than my husband wouldn't get close enough to kiss me.

Original poster
IloveGandT · 04/08/2018 18:29

Thanks for all your responses
He and his friends had been dancing with a few women (unknown women) apparently and that's when it happened.
Back in March, he went out and he said a woman tried to kiss him but he managed to pull away before it happened.
Both times he was drunk but if he stopped someone another time then why couldn't he stop someone last night Sad

OP posts:
ExecutiveDiamondBossBabeHun · 04/08/2018 18:30

I believe him too. I think he'd have said nothing at all otherwise 💜

Starlighter · 04/08/2018 18:31

I wouldn’t throw away my marriage for that and I’d appreciate his honesty.

That said, I would be upset. And you have every right to be upset. Sounds like a moment of madness though.

Littlechocola · 04/08/2018 18:32

Most wouldn’t have said. Give him credit for not only telling you but also for returning early.

Bluelady · 04/08/2018 18:33

He was devastated, told you and came home. It was a kiss, that's all.

Storm4star · 04/08/2018 18:34

My original comment remains though, looking at your update especially so. How is he going to stop this happening in future? For example maybe he shouldn’t be getting so drunk that he’s all over other women! I don’t think you should end your marriage over it but I also don’t think a “it’s cool, no worries” approach is right either. Otherwise you’re going to end up an insecure mess. Unless you are totally cool with him dancing with and kissing other women.

Kerrylou92 · 04/08/2018 18:35

I would be so upset
Although I wouldn't throw away my marriage over a kiss. But yeh. If he can stop someone the other night but couldn't he stop someone last night? at least he came home straight away and told you straight. Although would he have told you if you didn't text him first.?

DCITennison · 04/08/2018 18:36

I’m fairly cynical so I’d assume the text and rushing home was because he was seen by someone you know.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 04/08/2018 18:37

I wouldn't end my marriage over it but neither would I be impressed with him. He kissed her back before he pulled away-that isn't good Hmm

Jaxhog · 04/08/2018 18:37

It sounds like a stupid mistake. Suggest he doesn't drink so much next time. So he has more control?

chicken75 · 04/08/2018 18:38

Sounds to me like he gets drunk and starts stuff with other women. Then claims the oh but I was drunk and they tried it on.
I wouldn't trust him.

Noooooooooo · 04/08/2018 18:38

So in the last few months he's had 2 women kiss him?

Either he's David Gandy (insert favourite gorgeous man here) or there's an issue with his flirty behaviour that's making random women kiss him.

Only one of those would make me happy.