Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why younger women flirt with married men

163 replies

paraglidingidiot · 31/07/2018 22:24

Seen a lot on here lately about younger women flirting with older married men (often work colleagues).

This is also the case in my work, there is a woman in her twenties who is all over the 30/40 y/o married men. What's the deal with this? Why do they do it? I can never understand why they wouldn't want to flirt with men their own age who are single if they want to find a man. Can anyone explain it to me! Confused

OP posts:
user1457017537 · 31/07/2018 22:26

Because they own property and are established in their careers, have nice cars and spare cash. I’m not cynical

Moominfan · 31/07/2018 22:27

Men flirt back, not hapless victims are they

HerRoyalNotness · 31/07/2018 22:29

user has it.

I had a convo years ago with someone dating a much older man “they have assets” she said

LanguidLobster · 31/07/2018 22:32

Interaction with men the same age when you're in your twenties is more 'mate-ish' whereas with older men you can tell they're more focussed on you. I don't mean sexually they just tend to listen more.

A lot of young women would also see older men as being safer (unless they're out and out perverts).

Doobigetta · 31/07/2018 22:33

I honestly think a lot of it is unintentional. They see older men as sad old sexless grandads and therefore it doesn't occur to them that they're being anything other than friendly. Or worst case it's safe flirting- they don't intend it to go anywhere so it's just an ego boost. Blame the men whose heads and egos are pathetically easy to turn.
And they don't flirt with men their own age because they do realise what's going on there, so either don't want to encourage men they aren't interested in, or do want to play it cool if they are.

Jules439 · 31/07/2018 22:34

For the attention. Women in their 20s are common place to men in their 20s but drooled over by older men. They know they have power over them.

JaneJeffer · 31/07/2018 22:34

I think they get a thrill out of thinking they can "steal" someone else's man.

Singlenotsingle · 31/07/2018 22:37

It's an ego boost to think they have the power to attract an older man.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 31/07/2018 22:39

I used to work with a woman in her 40s that would relentlessly flirt with the lads in their 20s... it was so cringe to watch! 🤢

I think she thought she was subtle, or that maybe they were flirting with her.. but it actually made me feel really awkward on a few occasions 😬

NorthEndGal · 31/07/2018 22:39

Or you are like me and flirt with everyone, older men, young men, ladies, babies or dogs; it doesn't matter😁

Warpdrive · 31/07/2018 22:40

I think if someone has a very attractive spouse, that somehow makes the person MORE attractive. Subconsciously there’s the notion that the person must have something extraordinary to offer, if they’ve managed to secure such a prize.
And in a similar way, the young (more naive) person may be seduced by an older person who can somehow seem validated by being married. Does that make sense?

flutteryleaves · 31/07/2018 22:40

defo Jules439, its a power thing.

user1457017537 · 31/07/2018 22:41

You NorthEndGal are just a natural born flirt and no one would ever get upset because of your innate charm!

flutteryleaves · 31/07/2018 22:43

personally i dont why a 20 something would be interested in a 35 year old or 45 year old - up to their neck in mortgage, car loan repayments and child/spousal maintenance if they did mange to "get" him. they'd have to be earning a pretty fucking big net salary!

SpiritedLondon · 31/07/2018 22:45

I expect the woman who is flirting with the guys at work probably likes men in general and in this case they happened to be older. That being said It may be the men of her own age are still lacking socially and materially and she finds the older men a little bit attractive ( given women do seem to mature a little bit faster than men in my experience.)

NothingOnTellyAgain · 31/07/2018 22:45

Tend to agree with Doobigetta.

I've not spotted this really at work, I have worked with a few middle aged women who were always coming onto the young chaps though!

The other problem is how most men seem to think you fancy them when you ate just being completely normal, why do they do that? Has always got on my tits, that.

Original poster
paraglidingidiot · 31/07/2018 22:46

I agree with a lot of what you are all saying... however at my work, some of the men’s wives also work there... a bit “playing with fire” I have always thought!

OP posts:
NorthEndGal · 31/07/2018 22:52

I admit I am a natural born flirt, but also pretty sure I have accidently pissed off a few people on the way.
I don't mean to, but it happens sometimes.

ImAIdoot · 31/07/2018 22:52

Men in their 20s often have the dynamite combination of no life experience/nothing very interesting to say + an unshakeable belief they are the most interesting creature ever to have existed. Also they don't tend to pick up on or value the attention so much.

Flirting doesn't mean that's who you want onviously, but interactions can be fun with different people for different reasons.

Moanslice · 31/07/2018 22:53

I think you are misintetpreting the sitiations. Most 20 year old women find 30/40 year old men yo be gross. More often than not the attention is entirely unwanted. They are more likely just trying to humour them to avoid jepordising their jobs/safety etc

MaisyPops · 31/07/2018 22:53

Or worst case it's safe flirting- they don't intend it to go anywhere so it's just an ego boost.
That's what I'd have said at least when 2 people are both in relationships.
They get on well, there's a fine line between friendly banter and flirting. Sometimes the line gets crossed but there's no malicious intent. It seems like a safe ego boost (and probably is at times if both parties are committed to being faithful in their relationships).

What I don't get is when single women actively pursue an older married man. In that situation it seems like she is enjoying the thrill of the chase or has low self esteem. That said, it doesn't excuse the man. He is not a passive victim of some temptress.

FlopsyRabbit89 · 31/07/2018 22:58

I think older men are often seen as an easy target for a bit of flirting because it's that old cliché really that older men want young women.

The young women want an ego boost as do the men who like to believe that younger women are throwing themselves at them.

Fatted · 31/07/2018 23:03

If it's at work then I'd guess it's because the older men are in more senior positions?! I've known of plenty of younger women in my place of work try to shamelessly flirt/shag their way up.

I say try because usually they end up sliding back down when the older man finds another young model to replace them with.

Ohwtfhappened · 31/07/2018 23:05

'Flirting' with others you have some kind of other relationship with is not 'flirting' in the 'you are mine relationship, deep connection' you have with your partner?
Flirting is I. The eye of the beholder and is human bonding at times.
General caring contact, yeah you great, etc is just friendship and bonding within relationships that we need to foster. Along with you are a twat etc, we have no romantic feelings for each other
Get secure in your romantic relationship as people will have relationships with others that are different to yours with that person

user1487194234 · 31/07/2018 23:09

I did it at that age as it made my working life easier
Terrible,soshoome