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Original poster

To ask why younger women flirt with married men

163 replies

paraglidingidiot · 31/07/2018 22:24

Seen a lot on here lately about younger women flirting with older married men (often work colleagues).

This is also the case in my work, there is a woman in her twenties who is all over the 30/40 y/o married men. What's the deal with this? Why do they do it? I can never understand why they wouldn't want to flirt with men their own age who are single if they want to find a man. Can anyone explain it to me! Confused

OP posts:
IceCreamFace · 01/08/2018 10:35

I don't know many who do or have done this. The one young woman who did just liked the attention. She was pretty but insecure and I think she liked to get attention from married men because it made her feel so attractive that even married men couldn't resist her. To be fair she had no intention of having an affair with anyone - she just liked to get their attention by flirting then roll her eyes and complain that inappropriate men were always after her.

SlartiAardvark · 01/08/2018 10:35

More mature, more money, often do their share of the housework, cooking etc....

Sidneythecam · 01/08/2018 10:47

Okay I'll bite

At 27 I fell in love with my (divorced) 43 year old boss

He's very senior

We are very happy together

His money, nice house, car or my promotion prospects never came into it

If anything; a man my own age would be easier to be with. No ex wife/shared custody of the children

His children are lovely. Part and parcel and all that..it's cool; but it's certainly not an "easy" life

For us? We fell in love

starcrossedseahorse · 01/08/2018 10:48

Lots of internalised misogyny on this thread.

In my experience it is older men who try to flirt with younger women and make themselves look a bit sad.

starcrossedseahorse · 01/08/2018 10:51

it's a power game, most of them don't actually want the man, it's more about knowing they can get the man if they want him

FGS Confused

LeighaJ · 01/08/2018 10:52

@paraglidingidiot

They're disrespectful, selfish, gold-digging, slags, who probably don't have great self-confidence either and possibly "Daddy" issues.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 01/08/2018 10:57

Wow such a lot of naked hostility towards young women.

No wonder so many girls and young women have real issues when the elders of their own sex hate them so much Confused

FWIW and as I mentioned earlier, I've worked in office jobs for most of my working life and I've not seen this phenomenon.

Bumpitybumper · 01/08/2018 10:58

@starcrossedseahorse
I would consider myself an ardent feminist however I think it does nobody any favours to pretend that women are perfect or that a certain contingent of women don't target older, married men.

Pepper123123 · 01/08/2018 10:59

It's human nature to be attracted to successful people.

Women are often attracted to older men too.

My first real relationship was with someone 20 years older than me.
He wasn't well off or anything, but I am attracted to older men.
Men my own age are still children in their minds.

Bumpitybumper · 01/08/2018 11:01

@NothingOnTellyAgain
I've witnessed it a few times during my relatively short career. In one case I was close to one of the parties so had a very good idea of their feelings and motives. This honestly does happen, even if it's something you haven't directly observed yourself.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 01/08/2018 11:02

These are the sort of women who put blocks in the path of/ never promote/ actively sabotage younger women's careers I think?

And it sounds to me very much like jealously - and I really am not the sort of person who says that hardly ever. Young women are there, the older men ogle, the older women call them slags and gossip/start rumours/ etc try to get them to leave.

I've heard of this on here / on soap operas! But this thread has been enlightening.

PaintedHorizons · 01/08/2018 11:03

This horrible hatred of women is why feminism will always struggle. Why do you those of you accusing women hate them so much?

People flirt, joke, banter, smile at those they find attractive, mostly it is just interaction. People change partners, relationships break up and start all the time for many reasons, (men, women, gay, straight).

Some of the views on this thread are sickening.

So if my 22 year old DD smiles at her older boss and gets on well with him SHE is and evil, gold-digging slag?? If my older brother's marriage breaks down and his next partner is a younger woman that he works with - SHE is a bitch.

God save us from our own kind.

Dopplerineffect · 01/08/2018 11:03

Same reason anyone flirts with anyone.

Cheap thrills. Makes the day go faster.

IceCreamFace · 01/08/2018 11:06

In my experience it is older men who try to flirt with younger women and make themselves look a bit sad.

I don't think anyone's saying that it doesn't happen that way round too. However it's certainly the case that some younger women do flirt with older married men.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 01/08/2018 11:08

I'm sure it happens but if in a 25 year career across various large offices of different mixes of people I've never seen it, then maybe there aren't as many "selfish slags" around as some posters seem to think.

I suspect at least some of this is imaginary, driven by pretty friendly girls and insecure older women. That's the only explanation I can see for the massive difference in experience of how young women (which we all were once) behave in offices...

WelshieBach · 01/08/2018 11:09

Women in their twenties don't have to be with men in their twenties. Women should not flirt with married men of any age, as they are married. I don't think age should really come into this at all?

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 01/08/2018 11:09

They're disrespectful, selfish, gold-digging, slags, who probably don't have great self-confidence either and possibly "Daddy" issues

One of the nastiest, most misogynistic comments I've seen on MN in a long time.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 01/08/2018 11:11

The men flirt, the girls respond with smiles as we have been taught, this gets put down as young slags trying to steal married men...

For sure, far less 20something girls fancy middle aged men than vice versa.

I think this is a sleight of hand, with the usual effect of reversing/ blaming women for everything.

IceCreamFace · 01/08/2018 11:11

PaintedHorizons

I think you're massively misinterpreting the thread (although I haven't read every page so might be missing something myself). There is a difference between smiling and getting on with and flirting If a woman smiles and gets on well with a guy and he interprets that as her being interested in him sexually that is absolutely the man's fault. Also if a married man initiates flirting with a younger (presumably subordinate) woman at work (and this absolutely does happen probably more often than the other way round) that is his fault. She may reciprocate out of a feeling that she has to because she's her boss or to avoid hurting his feelings etc etc. HOWEVER sometimes younger women do flirt with men (not most younger women but some). By flirt I don't mean be friendly, smily etc. I mean deliberately act in a suggestive way. This thread is question why those (minority of) women act in that way.

IceCreamFace · 01/08/2018 11:12

Just to add I don't think a younger woman flirting with an older man in any way excuses him reciprocating or cheating on his wife.

IceCreamFace · 01/08/2018 11:13

painted horizons actually looking at some of the comments now then yes some of them are pretty mysoginistic you're right but I still think the question itself is valid.

Bumpitybumper · 01/08/2018 11:17

@NothingOnTellyAgain
Women don't need to be jealous of other women in order to form a negative opinion of their behaviour. Please don't accuse posters (who are presumably women) of being sexist when you yourself jump on the old "you must be jealous of pretty, younger women" bandwagon favoured by sexist men

JacquesHammer · 01/08/2018 11:19

They're disrespectful, selfish, gold-digging, slags, who probably don't have great self-confidence either and possibly "Daddy" issues

That's some cracking misogyny you've got going on there. Why do you hate women?

ConkerGame · 01/08/2018 11:20

I have always worked in large offices so in environments with plenty of women in their 20s and men in their 40s/50s. I have only ever seen one young woman behave in this way and it was very clear that she was doing it to get ahead in her career. To be fair to her; it worked! AFAIK she had no intention of it going anywhere - just meant the more powerful men enjoyed her company more so gave her more work and invited her to more networking events etc. Every woman hated her as she made really bitchy put-down comments to them so she had no friends but she didn’t care!

All other young women I’ve worked with either didn’t flirt with anyone or flirted in more of a friendly/banterous way with men their own age, either because they wanted a boyfriend or just to make work life a bit nicer/ more fun!

However, plenty of creepy older guys who make unwelcome suggestive comments to younger women. Some of the mindsets on display in this thread don’t help those poor women who just want to get on in their job but feel they can’t be rude to men in positions of power.

PaintedHorizons · 01/08/2018 11:21

Fair enough if you think that most of the posters who made comments like these :

They're disrespectful, selfish, gold-digging, slags, who probably don't have great self-confidence either and possibly "Daddy" issues

and - it's a power game, most of them don't actually want the man, it's more about knowing they can get the man if they want him

and Because they own property and are established in their careers, have nice cars and spare cash.

  • are questioning why women behave in this way. I disagree. I think women, particularly older women - and I am 60 - can be very nasty about other women - particularly younger women and especially where men are concerned.

I was blocked from promotion by a jealous older woman, I experienced this treatment when I was young and I see it now where I work with the younger, prettier, energetic, friendly girls.

We should not be policing their behaviour. "Suggestive"?? FFS!!