To ask why younger women flirt with married men

[paraglidingidiot]

Seen a lot on here lately about younger women flirting with older married men (often work colleagues).

This is also the case in my work, there is a woman in her twenties who is all over the 30/40 y/o married men. What's the deal with this? Why do they do it? I can never understand why they wouldn't want to flirt with men their own age who are single if they want to find a man. Can anyone explain it to me!

I agree, this thread is horribly sexist.

Poor Menz being preyed upon by all these preditory young women

MONEY

When I was in my 20's, I had no interest in older men. I only new 1 friend who dated a divorced, older guy, and everyone thought it was strange.

Can someone explain to me how one makes money from flirting? All these poor Nigel's with these pesky young women after their hard-earned cash(isn't it funny how women are always accused of gold digging, even if Nigel is only on a £35k a year salary 🧐):

I agree that I can't believe people are giving you serious answers OP.

Because they can.

My offspring recently saw father for first time on 30+ years. Father and his 26 years younger girlfriend. Papa has no money, no house, no car and an expensive alcohol and drugs habit. I have NO idea why she is willingly there.

It's not just younger women, it's older women too. If anyone here has an attractive spouse or works in an office with an attractive man, then you'll know the real deal with desperate women who seem unable to control their behaviour, or imagine themselves as so desirable, or are just man focused and competitive with other women generally. It has a nasty edge because behind it all, it's calculated to cause upset in relationships.

The problem is you're meant to keep quiet about the complete shallowness of women who chase married or in LTR men for looks or status and 'things'.

You are supposed to blame men as it's always men's fault isn't it, they must have been asking for it and of course are compelled to be interested in every woman that flirts with them. Yet in reverse they'd be labelled predatory going to the extent that some women do.

I would like to see women do better than that and not aiming to give men power over them. Insert NAWALT here...of course we aren't. It's just that too many are. Cold shower time.

If we can point out nasty behaviour from men, as happens on MN all day every day, then I don't see why women who behave a certain way should get a pass. Hiding behind men are worse or must have asked for it or the sarcasm of oooh..all these men in danger from women doesn't cut it.

A man flirting with an office full of women or his mates' partners (aka a pest) and passing it off as I'm a natural born flirt I can't help it or some such, would be crucified.

@Jules439
For the attention. Women in their 20s are common place to men in their 20s but drooled over by older men. They know they have power over them.
I definitely think that there is something in this theory. Youth isnt an advantage when compared to other youthful women however, an older man is more likely to compare a young woman to an older woman and therefore her age could give her a competitive advantage. I think some women can use this to target successful, attractive men that might not have considered them if they were the same age. I know that sounds harsh and sexist but I do think it's true in some cases.

So all you natural born flirts out there, what do you actually consider to be flirting?
I wouldn't say I'm a natural flirt, far from it, but I think some people have a very low bar before claiming people are flirting.

Things I've been told count as flirting (but I would personally say is being friendly):

• spending time talking to someone you get on with at tea breaks
• talking to each other 1-1
• being seen laughing together
• smiling at each other when you see them
• a bit of daft banter (nothing suggestive or sexual)
• occasionally a daft push on the shoulder when joking or winding each other up
• texting with topics of conversation that are not about work (MN classic criteria here)
• socialising with someone of the opposite sex of you've been seen doing any of the above

I do all of those with all my friends. I wouldn't class them as flirting. Based on things I've read on MN then my DH neess to get his ducks in a row and LTB because I'm obviously having lots of emotional affairs and It's only time before they turn physical.

They like the power they yield and probably glamourise them

Little do they realise they are twisted creatures with deep deep manopause issues

It’s not sexist at all. There could be an equal thread about why older men target younger women and the answers would be different. But in my environment the targeting of older men (not commonplace but does occur) is strategic. One boss went on to leave a marriage for a younger woman who openly targeted him, paid for her studying/training and her salary whilst studying then gave her a partnership. She wasn’t competent enough and the business suffered but she’d got the assets she wanted and left him. That’s the most extreme example but it happens at a lower level.

What is flirty chat then? What differentiates it from just being chat? What's the difference? There must be one if you intentionally flirt

When my dad started working alongside women in his fifties, it all went to his head the amount of "unhappily married" women who enjoyed being charmed by him. This was 30 odd years ago and for my dad was the start of a string of affairs that led to the collapse of his marriage. He never worked with young women, i highly doubt they'd have been interested in him anyway. But in my dads case it took two to tango, both him and his succession of women enjoyed the whole flirting, clandestine meetings, short affairs etc. The deception to their spouses was horrendous. It took a huge toll on my mum.

I think flirting is always intentional. A pp said they flirt with everyone including babies and dogs - that’s not flirting, it’s charm and humour and banter. Flirting for me has sexual undertones, always. The only person I flirt with is my fella but I banter with everyone.

I don't flirt with married men of any age, but I do generally have relationships with men up to 10 years older than me (26).

A pp had it spot on: Men in their 20s often have the dynamite combination of no life experience/nothing very interesting to say + an unshakeable belief they are the most interesting creature ever to have existed.

Ime 20 something blokes have been babied by their parents to the point they are practically still toddlers. They live at home, their mums still make their beds and thier tea. One I dated recently didn't know what council tax was, or gloss paint (random but I was shocked). I'm looking for a man not a boy.

Yes, the young 20 something women, throwing themselves at married 40 somethings 🙄

You might not like the idea of this, but I have seen this happen in more then a few work places. And no, I am no portraying the 'menz' as victims in these scenarios, most kept clear professional boundaries, others actively encouraged or revelled in the attention.

Maybe they feel that they have to with the men usually being in a position of power over them and they think it may affect their job prospects if they don't reciprocate.

In my 20s plenty of women from my peer group saw no problem with dating older men (be it senior work colleagues or not, married and unmarried). Of course they told us at the time that they were attracted to the mature conversations, the old school manners and the like. I am absolutely sure the European city breaks, fine dining and expensive gifts had nothing to do with it.

Theycouldhavechoseneve
That is the distinction I make.

Friendly banter is perfectly acceptable to me, but I know a lot of women (and see quite a lot of posts on here too) who argue that It's flirting and an emotional affair.

I think some people end up saying they are natural flirts to mean 'I have friendly banter with everyone and it has no malicious intentions'. Personally, I take the approach of I'm not a natural flirt, I am a friendly person and please don't project your own insecurities onto my perfectly legitimate and above board friendships.

Ime 20 something blokes have been babied by their parents to the point they are practically still toddlers. They live at home, their mums still make their beds and thier tea. One I dated recently didn't know what council tax was, or gloss paint (random but I was shocked). I'm looking for a man not a boy.

I think that just speaks volumes about the sort of company you keep.

Pan, I kept that company for precisely one date

Pan, I kept that company for precisely one date

Your wider critique of '20 something blokes' as being mummy boy toddlers suggests you kept company with these 'boys' for long enough for you to make your observations.

Gosh some people have some very weird ideas about flirting. It's just a bit of fun although you do have to have enough emotional intelligence to know where to draw the line.
And it works just as much the other way. Younger men flirting with older women. It has nothing at all to do with money because it has nothing at all to do with forming a serious relationship.

lots of hanging around married men, lots of 'going to see them' at work and chats, 'banter' and teasing but often this comes from the men, not the younger woman(!), subtle touching, emailing, sometimes texting out of hours

Yeah. So in fact the only possibly flirtatious element “banter and teasing” comes from the men to the women?

I think some young women (and men) in their first jobs take a little while to adjust to the workplace. At school/uni most of my interactions with boys were pretty flirty, either with intent or without - as pps have said, it was about knowing that guys were attracted to you even if you didn't personally fancy them. At uni lecturers etc were in a different category for me (ie, authority/parental/boss types), so didn't flirt with them. Get into the workplace and you're surrounded by people of all different ages, sometimes managed by people nearly your own age, all having a bit of a chat and a bit of banter, and I know that I automatically flirted for a while before gradually calming it down and learning to banter without introducing anything suggestive. So some young women may just be adjusting to 'workplace normal'!

I was not trying to be sexist at all.

And I have also seen married men flirt back with younger women, but in my experience (simply at my work) this seems to stem from young women initiating the flirting and having 'crushes' on so and so, and then them feeding into it, feeling flattered and flirting back.

JaneJeffer

I think they get a thrill out of thinking they can "steal" someone else's man

That ^

it's a power game, most of them don't actually want the man, it's more about knowing they can get the man if they want him.