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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask why younger women flirt with married men

163 replies

paraglidingidiot · 31/07/2018 22:24

Seen a lot on here lately about younger women flirting with older married men (often work colleagues).

This is also the case in my work, there is a woman in her twenties who is all over the 30/40 y/o married men. What's the deal with this? Why do they do it? I can never understand why they wouldn't want to flirt with men their own age who are single if they want to find a man. Can anyone explain it to me! Confused

OP posts:
BroomstickOfLove · 31/07/2018 23:09

Because they think those guys are married/in committed relationships and are therefore"safe" to flirt with - you can practise being charming and have a nice time together with no expectations of it going any further.

likelyLilac · 31/07/2018 23:16

asked dd's friend who has boyfriends generally at least 10 years older than her (never married mind). She said men her age who are interested in her are just too inexperienced in life and often have very little emotional intelligence. "Older men just understand how to flirt more, it's less awkward and they know all the subtle signals which makes flirting with them more fun than anyone my age." "Its like i'm andy murray and men my age are just some guy from the local tenis club, its very difficult to get a good rally going, older men are like novak djocovic" although I'm not sure anyone ever wins at flirting.
She said the guys her age who are emotionally intelligent and all that are just mates.

tildaMa · 31/07/2018 23:17

Wrong question.
The right question is: why do so many married women are so possessive and confuse other women simply acting friendly towards men with flirting?

MarklesMerkin · 31/07/2018 23:18

Maybe they're interested in older men, I don't think there is always some hidden agenda behind it (although a bit off if the man is married obviously). I've always been more interested in men much older than I am, even in my late teens/early 20s I was dating men in their 30s or 40s - now I'm mid 30s and I'm seeing someone who is in their 50s. I think a lot of men get better looking with age, I like grey hair on a man too, experience is attractive to me, I like faces with character and lines that show a lived life ... and absolutely nothing to do with them being in a position of power or having money etc as none of the older men I've dated fit into that catagory.

PamsterWheel · 31/07/2018 23:21

So all you natural born flirts out there, what do you actually consider to be flirting?

YaLoVeras · 31/07/2018 23:22

I am old now but in my 20s I thought it was difficult to win over a man your own age and always easy to get an older man's attention even though you didn't want it, so where is the ego boost there?

Theycouldhavechoseneve · 31/07/2018 23:23

In my working environment it’s usually manipulative, for gain. Ultimately though it’s a target driven environment and the guys in positions of power are smart enough to link gain with merit. Different 20/30 years ago but now the young women are flogging a dead horse with this approach.

YaLoVeras · 31/07/2018 23:24

@marklesmerkin, you must always have had your pick of men then?

That must be nice, to be able to be attracted to older man.

My Dad had me very young so as is common in these circumstances I find older men too parental.

MarklesMerkin · 31/07/2018 23:29

you must always have had your pick of men then? What makes you think that? Do you think that older men will always go out with a younger woman simply because she's younger?? I find that a peculiar way of thinking to be honest. Hmm

That must be nice, to be able to be attracted to older man. Why? You make them sound like a whole other species, I'm sure there are women of all ages who are attracted to men in their 50s? Married women don't suddenly stop finding their husbands attractive when they hit a certain age do they? [confused

Original poster
paraglidingidiot · 31/07/2018 23:35

Not answering as a natural born flirt... but the kind of flirting I see younger women doing is usually more:

lots of hanging around married men, lots of 'going to see them' at work and chats, 'banter' and teasing but often this comes from the men, not the younger woman(!), subtle touching, emailing, sometimes texting out of hours

Nothing overt just little things, which I always think is quite risky when wives are lurking nearby!

OP posts:
Thisnamechanger · 31/07/2018 23:36

I think it's two separate issues...

Flirting with married people - horrible, ego-stroking "playing with fire" thrill...the idea you can tempt anyone, even someone married. It's horrible.

Flirting with older men - meh, just personal taste. My DP is 18 years my senior and I liked his maturity and quiet confidence. Many of the guys my own ages wanted to keep their options firmly wedged open and blew hot and cold a lot.

coolncalm · 31/07/2018 23:42

Maybe they don't get enough attention from men their own age and the older man makes them feel desirable.

PinguDance · 31/07/2018 23:45

Makes work more fun. I flirt with an older married man at work - EXCLUSIVELY at work, no contact outside work hours. Don’t have any way of contacting him and I don’t want it. We both do, it’s cos we like each other and it’s an ego boost for both of us. Under no circumstances do I want to steal him from his wife or take it any further than ‘work flirt’. It’s just one man and I don’t think it’s shameless - we just have flirty chat like you would when you get to know someone you fancy. From my perspective it’s just nice, he Mentions his wife so he’s not trying to hide her from me and get up to anything.

So in short because we can and it’s harmless?

PositiveVibez · 31/07/2018 23:49

Yes, the young 20 something women, throwing themselves at married 40 somethings 🙄

Maybe they feel that they have to with the men usually being in a position of power over them and they think it may affect their job prospects if they don't reciprocate.

Because that sounds more likely than 20 something women trying to break up marriages and the like.

PinguDance · 31/07/2018 23:49

Also, for me it’s not any sort of “thrill” to “tempt” a married man - if anything a married man is obviously taken so it’s a no pressure flirt, you don’t actually have to get any where you can just have a bit of a mutually flattering chat by the photocopier.

Batmanwearspants · 31/07/2018 23:52

theres a lot of thinly veiled sexism going on here isn't there. I thought I was going to click on and see the OP being lambasted for being judgemental but clearly when its against younger women its ok.

PurpleTigerLove · 31/07/2018 23:52

Money , less risk of sexually transmitted diseases ?

TheDarkPassenger · 01/08/2018 00:53

Flirting is fun. I suppose I’m a flirt? My partner is too. I trust him and I trust myself, I’m not gunna hop into bed with someone else! I flirt with women and men but I guess people don’t see the woman on woman flirting as actual flirting, just friendly banter (which in my eyes is all it is with men too)

I would class texting out of hours (for unrelated work stuff), deliberately flirty emails & subtle touches as another level of flirting that isn’t okay though.
Although the other day at work I bent over and accidentally shoved my arse into someone’s crotch, it was awful and I genuinely felt embarrassed as fuck for the poor guy. Mortifying Blush

GunpowderGelatine · 01/08/2018 01:01

I have literally never seen a 'young' (20s) woman flirt with an older man at work.

I have seen plenty of older men letch and leer at 20-odd year old colleagues though. Makes me sick.

In a world where one in five women are sexually assaulted by men, I find it irritating hat someone would rather get their knickers in a twist about an (alleged) flirt

TheDowagerCuntess · 01/08/2018 01:19

I can't believe the number of people who've actually given you serious answers, OP.

Essentially, what Gunpowder said.

Depressing.

SheGotBetteDavisEyes · 01/08/2018 01:23

theres a lot of thinly veiled sexism going on here isn't there

I agree, except for the 'thinly veiled' bit.

NorthEndGal · 01/08/2018 01:35

When I work/sales/friendly flirt, it's light hearted, fun, joking banter.
We both get a lift, nothing is intended by it, and it is not going any farther.

When it's for real( only with my husband of 20 years) it's much quieter, it's slow touches and long looks, and it leads somewhere

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 01/08/2018 01:37

I am always friendlier to men I feel safer around and ones I don’t fancy if I fancy someone I’m ackward

Sometimes it’s flirtatious. I think for many it’s just enjoyable interaction but I know far more men that choose to read the signs incorrectly

And also some people are charming they will charm anyone male or female any age but some will interpret that as flirting

paxillin · 01/08/2018 01:52

I agree, @GunpowderGelatine and @TheDowagerCuntess.

JaneJeffer · 01/08/2018 02:27

So now the thread will change...

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