OH promising lifts to friends using my car as he doesn't have one!

[cheaperthebetter]

So when I say OH (kids dad but not living together or in relationship anymore) he has regular contact with children and uses my car to take them out(yes he is insured).
Reason for splitting up;
So inconsiderate
His way is right
Hypocritical
Selfish
Demeaning
So he has not been working for 2 years cause of a medical condition, now a member of his family as told him about a job with excellent pay and he can start soon as he has done his CSCS course.
All been well he could do the courses Tuesday and Wednesday about an hour to hour and a half drive from my house.
On Friday he asked if he could borrow car to drop family member to the job (to keep it open for when he finishes the courses) on Monday morning will be back about 8 in morning, I said yes as long as (fm) pays petrol.
Now he has came out with that he is also picking his (fm) up also after work everyday until Thursday!
I explained he did not say this to me on Friday and that he only said on Monday morning!

AIBU to say no? He said well I need to use the car so can get sorted with courses and (fm) keep job open, I said so what do you plan on doing from Thursday? He says borrow money to hire a car between them.

WWYD and AIBU if I say no? As apart of me is thinking well at least he is trying! But other part is thinking how very dare you just offer something that is not his and think not to tell me I will be ok with it! Bare in mind I have 4(DC) to entertain with them been off school for 6 weeks!
I'm so so so annoyed

Hope I won't be UNREASONABLE to tell him to piss off !
Thought would ask use WWYD

It's your car! He is not your partner! On what planet does he have a right to borrow it without your agreement? Is there no public transport round your way?

One of the reasons you say you're no longer together is he is inconsiderate ... clearly he doesn't plan to change this! You aren't in a relationship so he is chancing his arm here. Is it likely to be a one-off or will he keep asking again and again once you've said yes this time?
Also what if he was to be involved in an accident - I appreciate he's insured, however you have 4dc off school for 6 weeks and that is a long time to be inconvenienced if your car was off the road?
For me it would be a definite no x

Thanks for commenting Annie ;
Yes I looked at trains and said his (fm) can get a train back and then get a train on Tuesday morning etc till they get a hire car, then all I get is "god can you just be nice for once be considerate I'm trying so hard to stay cool about it as this is the reason we are not living together and in a relationship, but he is persistent it took a solicitors letter to get him out of my house! Cause he actually believes he's god!

Honestly I'm cracking up!
If he has no food as he is living with a friend, he makes me feel bad and end up either feeding him or doing a food shop for him.
Then his phone will need topping up (giffgaff) he will play the "aww poor me I can't contact kids or family etc" idiot here tops it up!
I seriously need to tell to fuck off do I ?

Yes, tell him to fuck off. There's no way he plans to hire a car, you know he will be asking to borrow yours again shortly.

I wouldn't let him use my car full stop.
If he wants a car to take out the children then its up to him to work out his finances and get one.
Yoy are no linger a couple so if he gets a ticket it affects your finances not his.
I think you are being far too kind. And he knows you wont say no that is why he is being so presumptuous

Op, I really mean this in a nice way, you are being a complete mug!

No car, no food, no mobile top-ups, it all needs to stop.

I'm guessing he doesn't pay any maintenance either?

I'm a bit confused. Why does he need to drop fm to/from work? Is it not your ex that will get the job when he has done the course? If so, what has dropping the fm to/from work got to do with the job? Is he trying to do a favour in return for fm getting him the job?

Regardless, he's being a cf. He certainly shouldn't be offering something he doesn't own to someone else.

Tell him to fuck off to cheeky fucker fuckhell and stay there.

Also when I said (fm) will have pay petrol or himself if he uses it (as he never ever put the petrol he used back into my car) he rolls his eyes and sighs then says "oh don't worry I know and (fm) knows"
Sorry 😐 he is really doing my head in and I just want to get on with my life !

Wish I found the strength to say NO NO NO to him but for some strange reason I can't?
Everyone says to me I'm to kind for my own good

Of course he is being totally unreasonable! And childishly petulant when you bring him back to reality. Tell him to grow up.

Made me join;

Family member got him the job and family member lives 2 mins away from my house, so he has basically promised him these lifts so once he has done the CSCS course he can jump straight on, as the boss said he will keep his space for him till Thursday once he has completed his
CSCS

No. Absolutely not. Tell him today he won't be having the use of YOUR again. And stop buying him food! It's not your job to cover for him being a useless man child git. You broke up for a reason, it was so you didn't have to mother him anymore. It's not your job to help him get a job, to provide transport for him or his family members, to feed him or do anything other than make the DC available for him to collect for agreed contact.

This whole set up is mad, your life will be 100% better when you cut ties and tell him he's a grown up and he's responsible for himself. Eye rolling? While asking for a favour?! He can fuck right off.

Family member got him the job and family member lives 2 mins away from my house, so he has basically promised him these lifts so once he has done the CSCS course he can jump straight on, as the boss said he will keep his space for him till Thursday once he has completed his
CSCS

Not your problem at all. Taxis exist for exactly this purpose.

Wish I found the strength to say NO NO NO to him but for some strange reason I can't?

He'll take the piss until you tell him not to. Stop it all. Get the car back now; take him off the insurance, stop buying him food and mobile top ups. You are inviting this behaviour if you don't; and he'll never take responsibility for himself.

It is time to be cruel to be kind. Say no.

Tell him he is a grown man and you are not his mother, he needs to start acting like and adult and meet his own needs.

He is Cf of the highest order. I come across this type of person a lot -entitled to everything and responsible for nothing . Hands out at every turn and citing their rights when questioned.
Tell him once and for all that the original agreement stands only. If they can hire a car from Thursday then they can extend that from Tuesday surely - or just get the train as you have researched. The comment about being kind was of course meant to emotionally blackmail you into doing his bidding But you dont have any emotional connection with him any more so just let that wash right over you.

Take the kids for days out so he cant turn up to browbeat you into handing over the keys after Monday.

AIBU if I say no?

If he has no food as he is living with a friend, he makes me feel bad and end up either feeding him or doing a food shop for him.

Then his phone will need topping up (giffgaff) he will play the "aww poor me I can't contact kids or family etc" idiot here tops it up!

There is something very, very wrong with your boundaries. You are looking after him like he is your child. If he was your 18 YO son I'd say you are infantilising him a bit too much.

Stop doing anything for him. Stop referring to him as your OH. Stop all contact except about the kids. He's not going to be less of a shit dad with you babying him. At least you might be able to sort your life if you stop.

Ask yourself really hard questions about why the fuck you would have children with someone who is this pathetic and why you accept such a breakdown of normal boundaries. Don't date anyone else until you understand yourself well enough to insist on respect.

Apologies for sounding harsh- I know how easy it is to get sucked in to a toxic relationship, and how hard it is to break; but you owe it to your kids to sort this out.

@cheaperthebetter - so basically, fm did him a favour and he has promised a favour using your car in exchange. Utterly ridiculous. Does he want you to provide a packed lunch for the fm too?

I know it's easier said than done but you need to put your foot down. He's totally taking advantage of you in loads of ways.

OMG. What a total CF

Tell him to fuck right off.

Shumpalumpa ;

You have guessed right!

He promises the kids "oh we will do this and that next time on this day"
I have no knowledge until kids tell me and then turn up kids expecting what he has promised but with no money to do it!....mug here pays for it instead as I hate seeing the kids so disappointed (DS sen)

The fm should be asking to keep the job open for your dh as a favour as he is a fm. Your ex shouldn’t need to offer lifts in return. Sounds to me like your ex will then want the car to go to work Thursday onwards and he’s laying the groundwork now. If you don’t let him use the car for work, you will then be preventing him from working and therefore stopping him from seeing his kids etc etc.

SAY NO NOW!

I would stop buying him food and phone top ups.
I think that you could grit your teeth until Thursday and then refuse to let him have the car from then on.
He is pushing his luck a bit and being pretty rude.
Put up with it until Thursday.

If him taking the kids out in your car works for you all then you might carry on with that until he sorts his own car.

However, this job may not work out, it sounds a bit disorganised already.

Basically you have the crap part of the relationship without any of the good stuff. It like you’re not even split up. Put your foot down and stop letting him away with it.

OP: in the kindest way; grow a backbone! Say no and mean it. He abuses your good nature because you let him.