OH promising lifts to friends using my car as he doesn't have one!

[cheaperthebetter]

So when I say OH (kids dad but not living together or in relationship anymore) he has regular contact with children and uses my car to take them out(yes he is insured).
Reason for splitting up;
So inconsiderate
His way is right
Hypocritical
Selfish
Demeaning
So he has not been working for 2 years cause of a medical condition, now a member of his family as told him about a job with excellent pay and he can start soon as he has done his CSCS course.
All been well he could do the courses Tuesday and Wednesday about an hour to hour and a half drive from my house.
On Friday he asked if he could borrow car to drop family member to the job (to keep it open for when he finishes the courses) on Monday morning will be back about 8 in morning, I said yes as long as (fm) pays petrol.
Now he has came out with that he is also picking his (fm) up also after work everyday until Thursday!
I explained he did not say this to me on Friday and that he only said on Monday morning!

AIBU to say no? He said well I need to use the car so can get sorted with courses and (fm) keep job open, I said so what do you plan on doing from Thursday? He says borrow money to hire a car between them.

WWYD and AIBU if I say no? As apart of me is thinking well at least he is trying! But other part is thinking how very dare you just offer something that is not his and think not to tell me I will be ok with it! Bare in mind I have 4(DC) to entertain with them been off school for 6 weeks!
I'm so so so annoyed

Hope I won't be UNREASONABLE to tell him to piss off !
Thought would ask use WWYD

I also love the Picture of floundering fish ..... it sums him up perfectly

Can I suggest you get a fish print next to the front door to remind you when he calls round?

Definitely put a fish picture up near the front door.

I'd second having a friend or family member around when he drops off or picks up the children. Doesn't have to be forever, but it might well take the wind out of his sails and give you a strength boost. However, don't get drawn into picking up the children and dropping them off here, there and everywhere for him.

Enjoy the park and the summer with your car.

So my lovely MN this is the text I received 5 mins ago for ignoring his 5 calls; EX does not even know any of DD & DS friends ever!
Please help on the perfect reply

(My name) its pathetic, u gna hav to talk to me, grow up was jus gna talk about kids, its stupid , oviously there somthing else going on , cant b assed with the childish games injoy ,who ever it is, when u decide to grow up ring me need stuff. Am not putting my life on hold anymre i did best , u hav to many issues an u cant adress any, u have just lost the man who loves u , sometimes people go on an on an pick faults with there loved ones ,then realise when they gone that they had it all an thats whats gna happen to u, i tried to help u but u cant do it u need to c someone about way u are from the past ,coz u cant c way u are, ring later about kids , an also am gna ask (my single hairdressers name)if her kids want to spend time with (DD) over 6 weeks , an (DS) friends as am gna move in my own home an get my life back an somone that apreciates me. U cant c who i am ur to messed up,i deserve to be happy ,ring at lunch 4 kids

That is so funny, he seems deluded to the fact that you broke up.
There's really nothing to reply to in there I don't think??
Can you think of a standard text that you send every time, sort of a grey rock.
Thanks, text to let me know when you want to see your children.

He’s a deluded fuck, isn’t he?

I’m not great at text speak but to me it makes fuck all sense

Oh yes, Fuzzy’s grey rock response is perfect

Good God OP you can’t reply to that. He’s barely literate What an inane illiterate ramble. Leave him be.

Yy to grey rock response!

How often is he currently seeing the kids? I'd put a set routine in place, doorstep pick ups and drop offs (no coming into your home, no lengthy conversations). For example offer a weekend day and a midweek which could be either an afternoon or say 3-6pm, whatever fits in with you all. Have a think about some options for regular contact and set them in place. Say it's to benefit the kids and they'll feel more secure with a routine and clear boundaries in place.

He wont do overnights, he wont spend any money on them, doesn't have a car, etc. I'd be very surprised if he keeps up contact reliably when it doesn't involve manipulating you and cashing in on free meals, petrol, adult conversation, etc. He's just using you through the premise of seeing the kids.

When I split with an emotionally abusive partner I put set days and times in place and shut down all communication unless it was to do with DS. And I don't mean how was DS today / DS did the funniest thing today, I mean serious or urgent things like stuck in traffic will be late picking DS up / DS is very ill.

Shut down all personal communication.

If he promises the kids something do NOT bail him out! Just say to the kids that's a shame, sympathise with them, and then make some alternative plans with them yourself for a different day so they have something to look forward to.

Up until now you've both still been in a relationship dynamic. You need this to drastically change, pronto. Definitely do the Freedom Programme. You can even do it online.

Jesus OP what a mess of a text.

Grey rock him.

He says things to invoke a reaction. Dont give him one. Dont even reply. Itll take time but he will realise its no use emotionally blackmailing you any more as you no longer take the bait.

Tell him no more contact. Unless to do with kids. That includes ridiculous text messages like the one above. And if he sends shite like that again without getting to the point about kids then you will not be replying to his abuse and message will be binned.

Not sure if already done but take him off the insurance to your car too.

He is a total loon! So full of himself too.

YY to grey rock.

Fuzzy's text is perfect. I'd leave off the 'Thanks' though.

I would push for a switch to email as it is easier to save them to read later and to keep a history.

Change his picture on your phone to a demented floundering fish or similar. Maybe change his name to something stupid so you see this every time he calls or messages. Could be fun choosing the right image.

Do not answer his calls at lunch time.

u have just lost the man who loves u

I'm sitting in a cafe and I genuinely snort-laughed out loud when I read this line. About the only bit of that deluded ramble I could understand.

I like the idea of playing the Me Me Me game on that, but I wouldn't respond whatsoever. Ignore completely.

Yep, another one saying: grey rock.

Just imagine he’s your toddler and lashing out because he’s not getting his own way. How would you react? You’d talk rationally, not get upset or irritated.

He has the emotional maturity of a toddler so treat him like one

Twat... thanks for your text but as l don't speak chav could you resend it in english please...

Other thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3314912-posted-thread-yesterday-about-ex-using-my-car-have-received-the-texts-now-need-all-the-mn-advice-please

Ignore. What a useless tool. As you were op

"when u decide to grow up ring me need stuff. "

Does that mean you should ring him because he needs stuff?

After starting out with an insult?

If so hahahahaha!

But, sad if he is still trying to shit all over you.

Re the needing to do a course to take over someone elses job that they are keeping for him-wtf does that even work??

I’ve just read this entire thread with my mouth hanging open! Seriously?!?! What a man child! His mum must have been over the moon when a girlfriend took him off her hands.
If he does insult you again, I’d be tempted to tell him “it’s none of my business what you think about me and I don’t want to hear it! I’m quite happy about myself and really don’t care what you think.”
I agree with Pp to have a friend there during handover for support. Don’t let him in!
If he can’t afford an outing , say to the kids “what a shame daddy can’t afford it this week, maybe next time you see him.”
We are all cheering you on!
You’ve got this!!

Oh god, the poor deluded fool still thinks he's a prize instead of a ten tonne weight around your neck.
Grey rock is the best response here, even if the urge of of texting back "I don't want you, you pathetic waste of skin. Paddle your own canoe and support your children!" must be overwhelming.

I have a feeling once you have taken this first step, the strength that will come from within you will shock you.

I have seen it before, it’s like one small ‘no’ led to a huge change. It gets almost funny, as if you can see everything with new eyes, see them for what they are.

He is a complete waster. Say as little as possible, move away, grab the reins back on your life and keep going.

Gosh where do we line up for this wonderful specimen?

Breath

Text back

Please don't call - text me a time and I'll have the kids ready for collection.

So either way I will look like the bad guy especially with the children

Next time you reply: you are the adult, you arrange a car. Do not use me as an excuse.

What the children need is that he grows up, not that you enable him. Otherwise in 20 years he will mooch off of the kids. You need to be the example.

Ha! He is deluded, isn’t he! It sounds like his usual way of working is to make other people (friends, family, your children) promises but expect you to pay or contribute to allow him to do it.
I’m surprised his friends/family don’t tell him what a prat he is when he pulls these stunts that he has no intention of fulfilling like an adult (I.e. without help from you).

Now that you have become wise to this, don’t ever allow it. Things like allotments are all ways of manipulating joint responsibilities that he gets credit for and you pay for.
I agree - don’t let him in the house, so that he can manipulate you in front of dc. Any hint of you having to pay so that he can feed or treat the dc - meet this with ‘why did you promise ‘treat’ when you have no intention of paying for it’.

Out of the mouths of babes! Your dd(8) absolutely has the measure of this man and you’ve been contorting yourself to facilitate contact for this! Clever girl.

What a prize twat he is!

Ignore ignore ignore. Only communicate on times that he is having children nothing else. Do it rise to anything else. Your silence will send him mad!