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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you can't have bedtime without a story?

214 replies

SarahH12 · 22/07/2018 02:38

DSD has told me on several occasions that she really likes having bedtime stories here and she's very sad "Mummy won't read to [her]. I don't know how trustworthy the testimony of a 6 year old is- let's be fair sometimes they can have the tendency to overemphasis things. But it got me thinking. I think one of the best parts of bedtime with DSD is when I get to read her a story. It's the time she's most chatty and it's lovely.

I really think you can't put a child to bed without a bedtime story on most occasions. I do think there are times when you can't; for example we came back from a holiday late one evening and she slept in the car and immediately went to sleep on return. But reading to me and helping them develop an interest in reading is so important.

AIBU then to think it's unfair to not read them a bedtime story most night?

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 22/07/2018 02:45

Depends on what the kid wants surely.

My kid didn't want one until about 3, though we did obviously read during the day, then he asked for one out of the blue and we've never looked back.

Now we have never-ending negotiations about how many should we read.

I do think it's sad that your DSD would like one, but her mum doesn't want to- is there any particular reason?

TheClitterati · 22/07/2018 03:36

I've always done bedtime reading. But now youngest is 7 and wants chapters of Harry Potter. Often send to bed to read to themselves.

ScreamingValenta · 22/07/2018 03:45

I believe my parents' enjoyment of reading me a bedtime story contributed to my lifelong love of reading.

LinoleumBlownapart · 22/07/2018 03:54

My mother never read me a bedtime story, only bedtime stories I got were either from my grandfather (maternal) at their house or at my dad's house. I don't know why she never did, she just didn't like children's books I guess as I begged her every night and once she finally broke down and read me a chapter a night from Bleak House, I was 7 and I understood nothing, I didn't care though because it meant she was in my room and reading. She never read another book to me and it made me determined to read bedtime stories to my own children.

Original poster
SarahH12 · 22/07/2018 03:59

@LinoleumBlownapart - that's so sad! Did she ever give a reason for not wanting to?

I do think it's sad that your DSD would like one, but her mum doesn't want to- is there any particular reason?

@ChesireChat - I really don't know why tbh. I do feel it's sad though if she really doesn't ever read her one considering how much DSD loves them. Honestly there's hell to pay if DP even so much as suggests she's not having a bedtime (e.g. if she's messing around and not getting ready for bed properly he says if she won't get ready properly she won't have time for a bedtime story).

OP posts:
OwlBeThere · 22/07/2018 04:01

i've never read my kids bedtime stories. we had a nice bedtime routine when they were small, and we read at other times, but for many reasons it didn't work for us.
but, like, i'm glad you feel nice and superior and managed to tell us about it, OP Hmm

Original poster
SarahH12 · 22/07/2018 04:03

@OwlBeThere - sorry! I didn't mean it to come across that way at all!

I was really only thinking about it from DSD's perspective as she always seems so upset when she tells me she isn't allowed one at Mummy's (for whatever reason - it's not my place to ask)! And I always enjoyed them growing up too.

OP posts:
LinoleumBlownapart · 22/07/2018 04:04

Nope she never gave a reason, I doubt she would really give one now. It is ironic because my mother is one of those people that has always has her head in a book, even as a child and she's also written a couple of books. Go figure!

Original poster
SarahH12 · 22/07/2018 04:07

@LinoleumBlownapart go figure indeed! It's really bizarre she read so much but not to you. I'm sorry it bothers you Flowers

I try so hard not to make a big deal of it in front of DSD as I don't want to make her feel worse than she already does.

OP posts:
1forAll74 · 22/07/2018 04:32

I always used to read bedtime stories to my two children when they were young many years ago, but that was in the days before too much tv, and not any of the modern gadgets they have these days. I used to write my own stories for them ,as well as any children's books. My children used to love the bedtime routine of listening to some stories, and me kind of stopping a story at some crucial moment,and saying, you will have to wait until tomorrow night, to hear the end of the story, and usually they could not wait to go to bed,to hear the best ending bits.

humblebumble · 22/07/2018 04:41

My kids agree (10 and 8) however well meaning your original OP it does come across as a little judgey.
As a single parent and the only one who believes in reading to our kids I can see that as it isn't always possible every night.
I also believe that even if my kid can read it's still nice to read to him, but I don't have the energy to read to him every night.

LinoleumBlownapart · 22/07/2018 04:46

I think if I had never had it, I doubt I would have missed it. But then if my dad or grandad never read to me then I wouldn't have done it with my own kids, so I'm glad I did get bedtime stories somewhere. It isn't for everyone, my DH is not a bedtime stories type of person and my mum isn't either. I think the child wouldn't get the same enjoyment out of it if the person reading the stories didn't enjoy doing it. It's something nice that your DSD has at your house. She'll treasure it and she'll pass it on to her own kids.

IllHaveALargeGlassOfRed · 22/07/2018 04:52

I never read bedtime stories to my kids and I'm an avid reader myself. I just never had the patience. Same with reading books from school. I left that to their dad I'm afraid!

They're grown up now and my son reads all the time but my daughter just isn't interested!

LunaMay · 22/07/2018 05:02

Do you have your own DC op?

Candyflip · 22/07/2018 05:10

It was my favourite time with my children, real quality time. We did the whole reading routine at nap time as well as bed time. It was for me primarily, it made me feel like I was giving them quality time even if the day had been particularly fraught, boring and difficult. I know they enjoyed it immensely, but it was more for me at times!

AjasLipstick · 22/07/2018 05:11

I never got read to at all. All it did was ensure that I read myself. Perhaps the child's Mother is busy and tired because she has the child most of the days of the week? I assume you get her at weekends OP? So twice a week?

Do you have children yourself? If not, try reading a story 7 nights a week. Not everyone enjoys it you know and that doesn't make them bad people.

AjasLipstick · 22/07/2018 05:13

Pretty sure OP does not yet have her own DC. Maybe when she does she'll stop thinking about how she'd do it perfectly all the time.

Original poster
SarahH12 · 22/07/2018 05:15

Do you have children yourself? If not, try reading a story 7 nights a week. Not everyone enjoys it you know and that doesn't make them bad people

@AjasLipstick I don't have DC of my own but I have been in a relationship with somebody before who has a DS. DS only saw his mum every other weekend. So I have been in a situation where I have read 12 nights out of 14 (ex was useless and disengaged with his son hence me doing everything). I still found the time to read to him though because he enjoyed it.

I think if it's what the child wants then you should at least make time to do it some nights. DSD obviously enjoys it and is obviously upset by not having a story with her Mum. So I think she should make time to read to her even if it's only sometimes.

I just feel it's really sad that she can't be bothered doing something when by not doing it she's upsetting her child.

OP posts:
BlueBug45 · 22/07/2018 05:23

Plenty of parents in my family never read bedtimes stories to their children due to shifts and weird working hours.

So my parents never read bedtime stories to me but read to me in the day like other people in my family - male and female - when I was young. I have other nephews and nieces who had similar experiences. Some of us turned in to bookworms, others didn't and yes it did improve our reading and vocabulary.

Funnily what pissed some of my siblings of was one of my sisters', who worked regular hours, putting a tape on rather than reading to her kids at bedtime. She could have delegated some of it as at least 3 family members - male and female - who where very frequently in her house around her kids bedtime when they were young, and all happily read to them at other times. (I've always found it amusing to see young children in my family hand particular adults a book and demand they read it to them. )

OP just see it is a bonding experience between you and your DSD. I have friends' whose step dads read bedtime stories to them but own parents didn't, and even worse some didn't read at all to their children.

Batteriesallgone · 22/07/2018 05:30

Maybe she really struggles to read aloud, it’s common if you have a processing disorder, and lots of people are totally unaware of having them. They just think they aren’t great at reading aloud, or aren’t very confident.

Maybe a story wouldn’t fit in the bedtime routine at her house.

Maybe her daughter hasn’t mentioned it to her, and is playing it up with you because she sees how much you enjoy doing it.

It is so common for kids to play the woe is me, so and so’s Mum does , Dad buys nicer apples than you etc etc. You get used to kids saying it and no, it doesn’t ruin them or mean they have an unhappy life.

Original poster
SarahH12 · 22/07/2018 05:35

Maybe her daughter hasn’t mentioned it to her, and is playing it up with you because she sees how much you enjoy doing it.

@Batteriesallgone She has mentioned it to her though.

So my parents never read bedtime stories to me but read to me in the day like other people in my family - male and female - when I was young

@Bluebug45 but she doesn't read to her in the day either.

OP posts:
Batteriesallgone · 22/07/2018 05:59

The more you type, the more judgey you are coming across.

Original poster
SarahH12 · 22/07/2018 06:02

The more you type, the more judgey you are coming across.

@Batteriesallgone well that's probably because I do judge her for never reading to her child who clearly gets a lot out of it.

OP posts:
Batteriesallgone · 22/07/2018 06:06

What does her dad do?

BlueBug45 · 22/07/2018 06:08

OP maybe her mother has difficulty reading or anxiety with reading aloud.

Some adults spend years hiding it, and as the child has other adult figures in her life she can escape dealing with it.

I remember when some people in my family, who are bi- and multi-lingual, were first shocked about the poor standard of adult literacy they came across in the UK. Oh and not all these bi- and multi-lingual family members have reached the highest levels of education but they can read and write in more than one language.