To think you can't have bedtime without a story?

[SarahH12]

DSD has told me on several occasions that she really likes having bedtime stories here and she's very sad "Mummy won't read to [her]. I don't know how trustworthy the testimony of a 6 year old is- let's be fair sometimes they can have the tendency to overemphasis things. But it got me thinking. I think one of the best parts of bedtime with DSD is when I get to read her a story. It's the time she's most chatty and it's lovely.

I really think you can't put a child to bed without a bedtime story on most occasions. I do think there are times when you can't; for example we came back from a holiday late one evening and she slept in the car and immediately went to sleep on return. But reading to me and helping them develop an interest in reading is so important.

AIBU then to think it's unfair to not read them a bedtime story most night?

@buyback it's not smug to say we read to DSD and her Mum doesn't and it bothers us because 1) it upsets DSD and 2) being able to read is an invaluable and essential lifeskill

@SarahH12
I’m guessing you’re not going to answer the question of your first time playing stepmother, it’s more relevant than the information you dripfed about your health because you indicated that current “stepchild” mother was neglectful for not reading a bedtime story which is pretty trivial compared to leaving a child who you took on the responsibility of caring for.

I never had a bedtime story growing up and despite being a keen reader myself I hate reading stories.

When I went to bed as a child whoever was putting me to bed tucked me in, sat on the bed for maybe 5 mins & talked to me. I loved that & I did the same for my nieces when they were growing up.

The cynic in me says a lot of the demands for stories are delaying tactics to postpone actually going to sleep

@Ghanagirl I really don't feel my previous relationship with my ex's DC is relevant. Nor do I particularly want to discuss it considering how painful and drawn out the process was. But likewise you haven't answered the question of what else you expected me to do? As a child's parents ex partner, you have zero rights. I couldn't take him with me so I really don't see what else i could've done other than leaving and reporting him. But obviously you think I was in the wrong for not wanting to end up as a dead statistic who's then no good for anybody.

*SarahH12

@buyback it's not smug to say we read to DSD and her Mum doesn't and it bothers us because 1) it upsets DSD and 2) being able to read is an invaluable and essential lifeskill
Yes but she’s reading at school and with you and Dp.
I really can’t believe you’re so worried about this but nothing to say about your other situation.
I’m sure if things go wrong with current DP you’ll just move on again and she’ll be fine with her real mum.

The cynic in me says a lot of the demands for stories are delaying tactics to postpone actually going to sleep

Absolutely @Redglitter. Equally talking for your nieces was probably partially a delay tactic too.

@Ghanagirl ODFOD

You weren’t wrong for leaving but you never mentioned that you reported his parents until last post and it’s still not clear what you did.
I think you’re incredibly immature going on about reading then drip feeding, I’m not sure how long you’ve known DSD but her mother managed to bring her up first couple of years without your help.
And will do so again if things don’t work out.

Oh I don't doubt they were. I know I used the chats with my Mum and dad to delay my light getting put out I remember frequently remembering something crucial I had to tell them just as they were about to leave

Hence my cynicism

SarahH12
Have know idea what you mean by ODFOD

I asked back on page 3 if you reported the situation with this kid, you're now hinting that you did. Did you actually? If not, you don't need to admit it here but please remember it's never too late when a child's welfare is at stake. That boy might be in even more need right now.

What did social services / the police say when you reported the violence and abuse and told them that there was a young boy left with it?

Was this question ever answered?

Seeing as you have completely avoided answering the question, I take it you didn't report it which makes you not only a shit stepmother but a shitty person. You left a child with an abusive parent and did nothing to help. Think you have more issues to address with yourself rather than the very minor issue the mother of your partners child has.

I'm judging you WAY more than her.

All of these people rushing to accuse the OP of being judgey are actually being incredibly judgmental themselves. It's sad that they don't see the irony in that.

I have fond memories of my bedtime stories as a child and make them a priority now. If a parent literally never bothers when a child appreciates the time/experience then that is bad. If reading is a challenge for whatever reason, cuddling up together with an audio book would be a possible alternative.

I remember my youngest went through a spell of telling the class teacher that I didn't read to them (they were asked every single day for what seemed like months as part of their reading lesson).

What my child didn't say was that, each day, all together at bedtime we would make up and 'tell' the next 'chapter' of a made-up story, which became quite a memorable handed down tale in our family.

I would think that it's really quite likely that the little girl's mother has her own bedtime routines and there is no reason why OP would or should be privy to these.

Armadillostoes
But OP has said more than once she’s happy to Judge and she’s putting on her “Judgey pants” fine but she’s dripfeeding, making excuses for her own behaviour plus not answering questions regarding Safegarding of her previous “stepchild”!
If she’s happy to Judge her newest stepchilds mother for not reading to her own child who has survived pretty well until whenever she arrived in the child’s life,
Why is it inappropriate to call her on her behaviour.

My mother never read to me, or any of us. My older sister sometimes read stories to us.

I loved stories though and it might be why I learnt to read very quickly. I would stay in bed for hours reading books beyond my years.

I’d read The Stand twice by the time I was 12, and often had five huge novels on the go at once.

@QuinnElle
@Excited0803
@Shumpalumpa
This is also why I’m fed up with avoiding questions, drip feeding whilst blaming her latest stepchilds mum of not reading to her own child!
Yes @SarahH12 reading to your child incredibly beneficial BUT not reading to your child is not a safeguarding issue.
A child neglected by his mother with a abusive father who has then been abandoned by stepmother who claims she did majority of parenting is most definitely Safegarding concern.
It’s definitely not your fault it’s the abusive partner/father but criticising your new Stepchilds mum is pretty low considering what you’ve been through not forgetting the other child.

I never did bed time stories as I just didn’t like reading aloud.
There are a number of things I didn’t do that you can also judge me for if you like. I didn’t do arty crafty stuff, board games or puzzles. I did play a mean game of Mario cart with them and they have fond memories of games night and movie nights. They are now both fully grown adults and doing fine.

I was read to as a child and it continued to the extent that during my teens (which predated TVs in caravans) we took turns to read our way through the Lord of the Rings and various murder mysteries during Cornish holidays.

I tgen read bedtime stories to my DSD, whose mum never did. To be fair she's from a culture in which parents don't play or read. Then when I had my own DC I automatically read to them. As DS1 is very dyslexic we went on.doing stories for both DS 1 and 2, mostly Harry Potter, until he was 12.

Now I have DSGC and when I stay part of what's expected is me reading to them, which they look forward to. It's become a happy family tradition.

I have lovely memories of my dad reading us bedtime stories so am doing the same for my kids. Oldest is only 2.5 and it's definitely just a delaying tactic for sleep but we both enjoy it nonetheless.

Sorry OP, you may not mean to be, but you are coming across as unnecessarily judgey.

Different families, different cultures and communities do different things. Doesn’t make them a better or worse parent than you, providing they are giving the children the love, care, stimulation and safety they need.

I don’t always read a bedtime story. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. I don’t see it as essential for my good parenting. I see it as more important that I read with DD, and that can be done anytime in the day or week, which it is. On the nights we don’t do a story, which are becoming much more common now she is getting older and can read to herself, we have a tuck in with a cuddle and she often goes to sleep with some music on. It’s honestly fine.
Growing up, I don’t remember ever being read a bedtime story, although I remember my parents often doing prayers with me or reading some of the Bible with me (I was raised very religious) but never story books. Believe it or not I actually had a wonderful childhood, and do certainly remember my parents reading story books to me at other times, especially my school reading book etc.
different families do things differently, and you can’t put your own values on evebyone else, or you’ll forever be putting yourself on a moral pedistool.

Miserable lot.

OP you should know that you're not allowed an opinion as a step parent around here.

And I do think that if your DSD is behind with her reading, all corners should be helping her out. I've seen mother's who don't speak English sit there with books and they struggle through it together. My son likes reading so we read all the time and have a massive collection. Why would I ever tell him no? In defense of her mother, yes, she could have other issues, such as MH ones, that prevent her from doing what her daughter so clearly wants from her but unless you know for sure, if stay out of it all. If your DSDs reading doesn't improve enough to bring her on par with her peers, at least you know you tried.

Meh. Sometimes my kids don't get bedtime stories. DH is severely dyslexic and as such struggles a lot with reading and will sing to them instead, so if they want a story they will ask for me, if they want a song they chose him.

Depends on the child. Along with various other factors too. I wouldn't be too concerted about someone elses parenting unless it was clearly abusive though, which not getting a bedtime story is not.

I tried to read DD a story tonight and she whipped the book out of my hand because she wanted to read it herself. She isn't a patient child.