To think you can't have bedtime without a story?

[SarahH12]

DSD has told me on several occasions that she really likes having bedtime stories here and she's very sad "Mummy won't read to [her]. I don't know how trustworthy the testimony of a 6 year old is- let's be fair sometimes they can have the tendency to overemphasis things. But it got me thinking. I think one of the best parts of bedtime with DSD is when I get to read her a story. It's the time she's most chatty and it's lovely.

I really think you can't put a child to bed without a bedtime story on most occasions. I do think there are times when you can't; for example we came back from a holiday late one evening and she slept in the car and immediately went to sleep on return. But reading to me and helping them develop an interest in reading is so important.

AIBU then to think it's unfair to not read them a bedtime story most night?

I remember when my eldest daughter was tiny having to make the room absolutely black-out dark and sing "she'll be coming round the mountain" 50 times before she would settle

You've literally described my DS's bedtime routine when he was around 6 months old I wonder what it is about that song

I too wouldn't judge the ex for co-sleeping with the dsd. I co-slept with my dd when she was a baby. When she was a bit older she started to miss it so her Friday night treat was for her dad to sleep in the spare room so that she could sleep with me instead.

I think that the lovely thing about co-sleeping is the closeness between parent and child. It re-enforces the bond that you have with each other.

On the other hand, the image of a child lying in bed while her mum lies next to her, ignoring her and reading to herself is such a sad one.

I've been in bed with my dd, reading to myself - but only if I've read to her first or if she was also reading to herself. I wouldn't refuse to read to her first because I couldn't be bothered to.

People are asking questions, I'm responding.

Did anyone ask you if the ex works? Did anyone ask you if they co-sleep?

I know details come out in a thread, but it would have been better if you just asked a general question about bedtime reading instead of the whole 'I feel it's SO important to develop an interest in reading.' It comes across as twatty.

I don’t understand why op is getting such a hard time. I agree with her that if your child enjoys a bedtime story (I realise not all do) then you should make the effort most nights. Obviously there’s exceptions of the Mum has any difficulties with reading but it’s a jump to assume she does.

I would love my children to have a stepmum that cares and make time for them.

most real mother’s wouldn't think reading a bed time story makes them worthy of a medal, they would be more concerned with keeping child safe from abusive partner.

What nonsense. The two do not need to be mutually exclusive. And at the bottom of this is the fact that the child has said she is sad that she is not getting any stories. It's just such an easy thing to put right.

I feel it's SO important to develop an interest in reading.' It comes across as twatty.

No it doesn't. Maybe some on here are not aware of the falling standards in terms of the development of speech and language in young children in this modern world, where parents stare at their phones at the cost of having conversations with their children; where tablet-usage replaces conversation in the home. Communication between parents and children is on the decline and this really needs to be addressed.

The impact of this on children starting school is starting to be considered a growing issue.

I have three kids. I rarely read to them at bedtime. In fact, I've probably done it about fives times ever.

They all love books and stories and if I read to them at bedtime, they would never go to sleep because they would want more and more. Instead, we read at other times.

I was never read to at bedtime either and I (or was, I don't have time anymore) an absolute bookworm, even through my teens and uni years, where I would read two or three books a week.

I don't think reading at bedtimes makes anyone better than anyone else

CharltonLido73
I’m not saying they are!
I read to mine and have kept them as do a lot of Mums but I wouldn’t judge someone for not reading even though I think it’s important but I would find it hard not judge someone who bangs on about reading and walks away from previous “stepchild” who she apparently looked after and bonded with knowing he was at risk.

I totally agree OP. Every primary teacher I know has been horrified over recent years at the lack of vocab of kids starting school. This is the iPad generation. They are barely talked to let alone read to. Reading books to children from a young age is a crucial part of language development. I’ve heard a parent say ‘oh no I wouldn’t start that (reading to dc) as they come to expect it then’. How lazy do you have to be to not give 5 mins of your time to read your child a book?

They all love books and stories and if I read to them at bedtime, they would never go to sleep because they would want more and more.

I think you have to chose your reading-matter carefully.
I used to choose short stories and poems - something self-contained. Young children love the repetition and often want the same thing repeatedly at night as they know where it is going and they can join in.

I had a fantastic book of children's poems I used to read from. My favourite was "Jim who ran away from his nurse and was eaten by a lion", by Hillaire Belloc. Any poem with a good rhythm will be a hit with young children.

My eldest son loved his bedtime stories, he grew out of them around 6. My girls aged 2 and 4 enjoy books separately during day time but I can't read them at bedtime as it causes them to have a meltdown, ripping the book out of my hands and screaming etc (they have some behavioural issues). I will enjoy bedtime stories again with 10 month old DS and sometimes look at books together.

I don't think The OP has come across badly at all, I think people are perhaps feeling defensive. Of course it's important to read with your kids that's not controversial. I'm sure there are some situations where reading doesn't happen at night for a particular reason but I agree with OP that it's crazy not to enjoy books with young kids especially when they love it!

It’s easy being a serial stepparent, most real mother’s wouldn't think reading a bed time story makes them worthy of a medal, they would be more concerned with keeping child safe from abusive partner.

Wow @Ghanagirl so now I'm a serial step parent because as a teenager I got into a long term relationship which I left in my mid twenties with an abusive man who I looked after his child 90% of the time but I left for my own safety. Then I got with somebody years later who also happens to have a DD. What exactly did you expect me to do? Risk my life to stay with him so I could protect his son? I tried protecting his son when I was in the relationship. I did everything in my power that I thought of at the time to try and keep us both safe. Unfortunately not being his parent I didn't have the option of taking him with me when I left and it broke my heart to leave.

Apparently it's a mortal sin to fall in love with somebody who has a child but happens to be abusive, then fall in love with somebody else who has a child many years later.

No matter how tired a person is, there is no excuse for not finding the 5 - 10 minutes required to read a bedtime story

Too many lame excuses on here

I've rarely read bedtime stories. It's just something that didn't develop. At 8 and 10 they now both read independently and have no desire to read to me or be read to at all.

Who needs an excuse? Not reading at bedtime isn't the same as not reading at all.

but I would find it hard not judge someone who bangs on about reading and walks away from previous “stepchild” who she apparently looked after and bonded with knowing he was at risk.

Seriously @Ghanagirl please do enlighten me as to what the fuck I should have done in that situation? Are you seriously suggesting I should have stayed until I was murdered? Because that's exactly where that relationship was heading. Or are you unaware of the statistics surrounding domestic abuse?

Apologies I can't remember who asked but no DSD isn't good at reading; still struggling with level 1 and needs lots of help. She really struggles with speech and language. She is coming on in leaps and bounds though and doing amazingly all things considered

Not reading at bedtime isn't the same as not reading at all.

@FatToni you're absolutely right. But in this case it is that she is being read to at all, not just at bedtime

Ah, the judgy always hate being judged.

@Cleaningthefours who wouldn't dislike being judged for walking away from an abusive relationships after years of steadily increasing violence?? I stayed when he broke my nose because I was worried about his son. I didn't stay when he threatened to kill me because I didn't want to end up as another statistic - and what good would that have done his son anyway!!

I don't particularly care if people judge me for having my judgey pants on for not reading. I'll talk them up high and wear bright spotty ones just to make it clear I'm judging those who never read to their DC. If you want to judge me for that, that's your prerogative. But I do not appreciate being judged for leaving my last relationship.

I'll yank them up high that should say. Damn autocorrect and only 3 hours sleep!

Could her dad do it by facetime/Skype? That would be nice for them.

@Eliza9917 aww that's a lovely idea! Unfortunately that wouldn't be an option as his ex ignores him on "her" contact time

But there are numerous things you and your DP could be judged on. Many. And lots of the judging would be inappropriate and unfair. Yet you think it's okay for you to make judgements about other people and see yourself as superior to them.

You nees to look at your glass house.

One of my daughters is a reception teacher and has seen a distinct correlation between the progress made by children whose parents communicate with them (including general chatting, telling bedtime stories and listening to them read), and those whose parents don't make the effort.

That’s the point though, it’s about communication and engagement, which doesn’t mean a bedtime story. A child that’s talked to and has lots of experiences will be fine without a story at bedtime. And a child that doesn’t have that engagement will do worse even with a bedtime story.

And while children who get lots of practice reading to themselves will usually make faster progress than those that don’t, it seems unlikely that being read to more will help the OP’s DSD with catching up given the level she’s reading at.

What did social services / the police say when you reported the violence and abuse and told them that there was a young boy left with it?

Ours have a bedtime story, usually one in each language (bilingual family), or more if they can blag them. DS recently turned 10 and DD 7. They also have bedtime stories with their DGPs if they stay over there.

Agree with the OP that it's one of the best parts of the day. YANBU, OP.