To think you can't have bedtime without a story?

[SarahH12]

DSD has told me on several occasions that she really likes having bedtime stories here and she's very sad "Mummy won't read to [her]. I don't know how trustworthy the testimony of a 6 year old is- let's be fair sometimes they can have the tendency to overemphasis things. But it got me thinking. I think one of the best parts of bedtime with DSD is when I get to read her a story. It's the time she's most chatty and it's lovely.

I really think you can't put a child to bed without a bedtime story on most occasions. I do think there are times when you can't; for example we came back from a holiday late one evening and she slept in the car and immediately went to sleep on return. But reading to me and helping them develop an interest in reading is so important.

AIBU then to think it's unfair to not read them a bedtime story most night?

God I don't think the OP came across as at all judgy. Everyone should read to their child if they can. Obviously there will be people who cannot read, whose child has a developmental issue and will not listen to a story or children who find bedtime stories too stimulating so can't read at nighttime. BUT in general a bedtime story is a good thing to do most nights and reading and enjoying books with your children is a very very easy way to improve their lives. The fact that this gets a strong reaction kind of proves that as people feel guilty and defensive. As for the nasty comments about OP as a very young woman leaving an abusive relationship - good god could you be any more judgemental.

Some of you are such hypocrites, jumping down the op’s throat because she’s judging the mother of her sd for not reading to her at all. Yet in another breath judging the op because she had to leave an extremely abusive relationship and could not take the child with her

Absolutely disgusting and until you’ve been in the op’s shoes with regards to an abusive relationship, some of you should pipe down and not lay into her for something that she could not physically do anything about other than report, which she says she did

@BottleOfJameson
Have you read the whole thread her first post was quite mild than lots of judging her DP’s ex whilst dripfeeding the fact she had previously had relationship with another stepchild who she completely abandoned...
Reading to your child is fantastic and I’ve done with both my two!
Judging child’s mother for not reading is harsh particularly when you abandoned previous stepchild and have no kids if your own...

I hate reading stories. I work with kids for a living so by bedtime I can't.

We do a bedtime story every night, since they were toddlers.

OP is being incredibly mean to her newest stepchilds mother whilst she’s abandoned her first stepchild!
Children are not toys that you play with while your in a relationship with their father.
I’m sorry for your “stepchildren” OP as it’s all about you!

CrackerCrisp
Yes me too with my DC but does that make you a better parent l?

Of course it doesn’t (I didn’t say it did), but any reading to a child is a positive thing. I always remember my DC’s teachers saying you can tell the children who are read to at home.

It just gives us time to unwind before bed and have a moments calm.

@Ghanagirl don’t be so utterly ridiculous. The op was in a long term relationship that turned extremely abusive. What do you expect her to have done? Stay and end up another domestic abuse murder statistic?

I’m out OP is not a mother and has dumped previous “stepchild” plus now judging the mother of her newest stepchild.
I can’t see it ending well...

She didn’t dump her previous step child! What a ridiculous comment to make!

She left an abusive relationship. She reported and did what she could, but short of taking the child and being arrested, what more did you expect her to do @Ghanagirl ? Did you expect to stay in the relationship, risk being killed and then nobody finding out about this dreadful abuse that she was suffering until it was too late? Get a grip!

It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t have her own children yet. She loves her sd and follows her and her father’s lead when the sd is at their house.

The competitiveness non-judginess on MN (from people who are busy judging the OP as hard as possible) is hilarious.

"Not reading to children at all (or ensuring that someone else reads to them instead)" is one of those parenting things that I really do have an issue with, sorry.

I don't care people work, don't work, use formula, breastfeed, pierce kids' ears, use a sperm donor, have three children sharing a bedroom, whatever. And if parents read to children at other times of day, or delegate the reading to another family member, nanny or whatever, no problem.

But children benefit immensely from being read to BY SOMEONE--it's really important for things like vocabulary and for developing their ability to read higher-level texts later on.

The fact that children can start reading by themselves from 6 or so is irrelevant. Reading practice is reading practice, and it is important as well. But being read to allows children to access much more advanced texts than they would be able to manage alone. So when my DD was five, I would be reading the Wind in the Willows to my daughter and stopping to explain tricky bits, difficult words and so on--there is no way she could have read that kind of book herself at age 5.

@Ghanagirl not sure why this thread has turned into a dissection of the OPs past relationship history. It really has nothing to do with the subject of reading. Of course reading with to/your child makes you a better parent. It should be thought of as fulfilling a basic need. Unlike the other parenting discussions that rage on MN (formula vs breast, sleep trained or not) the argument ‘you couldn’t pick out the kids in a primary class who have/haven’t been’ does not apply here. Ask any teacher, they will tell you they know exactly which children have been read to at home.

@Kokeshi123

Hear! Hear!

You'd think reading to your child was a waste of time and a hideous chore judging by this thread.

I read to my son several times a day including bedtime. It's on the same level of priority as feeding him regularly.

It’s turned into a dissection because the OP brought all this stuff up of her own accord. Either bad stuff about the Mum (no job!) or stuff to get us onside with OP (abusive past!).

It’s irrelevant.

Yes reading to children is good. Yes I do it with mine. But I’m suspicious of anyone who is so clearly grasping for validation.

"Ask any teacher, they will tell you they know exactly which children have been read to at home."

How could a teacher possibly know whether or not my non verbal, unable to read child is read to at home or not? Unless they are the sort that make the assumption that a child having communication difficulties is always down to parenting.

@Spikeyball sorry, clearly that should have said with the exception of SN.

Gosh! I don’t think commenters have the right to judge what the OP did in her previous relationship - that’s not what the thread is about and is such a personal and highly complicated topic.

Regarding the reading, if the OPs step daughter wants to be read to before bed, and Mum isn’t doing it then I don’t see the harm in OPs DP mentioning something to the Mum. If I know if I find my son enjoys something then I tell his dad so he can include it, and vice versa, I see that as part of communication between adults and co-parenting. If my sons dad didn’t read to him at bedtime I would be a bit annoyed as in our case, our son really values it (and there are no other reasons why he shouldn’t do it).
In my mind it’s about what the child wants/needs and OPs stepdaughter obviously does want this!

Given what OP has said on other threads, I think it would be a really bad idea for the DP to be making comments to ex about her parenting.

I used to do stories until I got divorced now it's very rare. My kids love them. I enjoy it. I'm disabled and work pretty much full time and by the time they're in bed I'm completely fucked. It's a source of constant guilt for me. And sadness for them.

All those criticising people judging OP should read full thread.
I think reading to children is incredibly important and I read to my two every evening but why the need to judge child’s real mother when OP is not perfect stepmother.
I’m not judging her for leaving abusive relationship but definitely judging her for being very immature and self-centred.
She has stated more than once that she has her ”Judgy pants” on!

@Teasavedmylife
So no one has the right to judge op but she has the right to judge her latest stepchilds mum...

@Grandmaswagsbag
I breastfeed and read to my children every night so I feel free to Judge OP for criticising child’s real mother whilst abandoning first stepchild, she’s in a new relationship and shouldn’t be meddling with mother child bond when she may not stick around.

This thread obviously went off at a tangent and not how the OP wanted. I don't think it was a good idea to start a thread demeaning her DSD mum though. I hope the mum doesn't see it as I doubt it would help their relationship in anyway.

I wasn't trying to demean the mother. I wasn't saying there was or is anything wrong with not working (especially with a young child). I wasn't saying there's anything wrong with co-sleeping. Or any of the other things that came up on the thread. All I was saying is I do think there's something wrong with not reading to a child at all especially when said DC is struggling.

@Ghanagirl you are constantly ripping me apart for leaving my past relationship, ripping me apart for not answering questions immediately, yet you yourself are refusing to answer the question of what else did you expect me to do.

Anyway, I'm out.