to think that being mixed race can be mentally draining at times?

[MissFranklin]

I understand, I've just joined mn and in the space of an hour have started two threads on race. I promise I am not race-obsessed and am genuinely curious about opinions on this - my other thread inspired me to ask this. I'll disappear back to watching the pregnancy board intensely after this...

Does anyone else find that being mixed race comes with a few (some laughable, some not so) problems?

• Application forms where there is no option for 'mixed' - or simply having to tick 'other', as if all mixed race folks are an amalgamation of each other.
• being asked 'but where are you ORIGINALLY from', when 'London' does not suffice (ok, I'm being pedantic but this does irk me a little)
• people not believing that your mother is really your mother...
• having to smile sweetly when called 'half-caste' because you know from experience that it's not worth the hassle of explaining the origins of this term
• being called a 'lighty'
• being told 'that's your black side coming out' when you do certain things
• being able to call yourself black, but raising an eyebrow when you refer to yourself as white
• exoticism... 'oh you're so exotic looking!'

Lots of other things, the list could go on..

Obviously these are just my experiences. Whilst my heritage doesn't solely make me who I am, it plays a large part, and comes with lots of small problems, that when grouped together, can be quite mentally taxing at times (Trevor Noah explains brilliantly).

AIBU to think that other people MUST feel the same?

(Yes I know, a bit unreasonable to start two threads on similar things at the same time, but I was inspired by my last thread and figured it's an open forum so why not!)

I really hate the "where are you from?" question. Does it mean where you grew up? When you live now? Where you were born?

Usually, it means what is your ethnic origin?

If people really are that interested, I wish they would just ask what they really want to.

I can imagine they do - I have “mixed” children and have to tick the other box for them. I have also been asked many times if I am their childminder or if they are adopted. When you have a partner from another heritage you do get to see and sometimes experience subtle and not so subtle rascism - and it always reminds me that people’s opinions need to be challenge and we need positive representation all the time.

I get annoyed that people assume mixed race means half white, half black only.

Queen absolutely, agreed. The possibilities are endless - it's strange that black/white seems to be presumed so often.

Disa yes. My mother was asked if she was babysitting me and my siblings once. I was about 14. I understood and felt quite upset about it for a long time.

I have mixed raced childrenand hate two things

The way it’s fetishisise

And the way that it’s the only accteble face of black people

Ive spent my whole life having people think im Turkish, Spanish, Latin, anything but mixed, even my children think im white

meetoo you're more than welcome to tell me to sod off but would you mind expanding on your last point? Really interested to know what you mean specifically.

When people ask where I'm from, I reply you mean why am I black?
If that's what they mean they should just say it.

I hate feeling conflicted...like I have to almost 'choose' a side.

When people say you are black ....im not black im mixed race then wondering what that actually means ...it certainly mean im not white. I cant even be bothered to begin to explain about the one drop rule to those that insist to me i'm black. Ive been yo Africa ...I was "white" there.

Afua Hirsch has written a book about the mixed race experience ...looks good. There was one terribly racist review actually allowed to run in The Times of course.

I must be very naive. I'm appalled that people still say these things at all, never mind that they say them regularly.

Once you've had your baby you'll be able to add to your list: passers by explaining "are you his mother!!?" in tones of the greatest incredulity. :)

smelly kind of the point I was making that it's accepted (at least in the UK) that I'm black, but if I was to say 'I'm white' I'd be accused of having an identity crisis. I'm actually both, I'm mixed race!

jesus all very common and I've actually been asked 'where are you ACTUALLY/ORIGINALLY from?' quite a number of times!

And I am afraid a lot of white people yes I said it feel entitled to touch and talk about my daughters hair in a way they never would about another white child as if mixed raced people have only just arrived in the U.K.

Someone told me what a lovey TAN my daughter had a few weeks ago

Lord it’s not a tan
Oh mixed raced babies are so cute you haven’t seen my cousin then

And oh I have sex with a black man just to have a little brown baby it would be worth it all things that have been said to me

Oh also the best one she’s so light your really lucky in the right light you might not even be able to tell

Well maybe where are you from could just maybe be taking an interest in the person, similar to if someone had a European accent for example but I could place where in Europe the accent was from. It's one of those things called a conversation opener to talk about other stuff from... bit if you insist on being defensive about it...

MissFranklin
One drop makes you whole I am afraid you will never be white never and can never be.

Wheelsonthebus123

No it’s not black people get this also I had this at work the inFrance is that because you are not white you cannot be English and must be forgin

wheels I did say I was being pedantic when I find it annoying and occasionally am stubborn with my answer. The annoyance comes from constantly feeling like people don't believe you could possibly be from the UK. That you must be from some far away exotic place. This doesn't just count for mixed race people, this goes for many people from ethnic minority groups. It's ignorance in its truest form wouldn't you say?

I've actually been asked 'where are you ACTUALLY/ORIGINALLY from?' quite a number of times!

Me too! It is really irritating and offensive, IMO. If you talked to me for two seconds it is perfectly obvious where I'm from. If you want to know where my parents are from, why not ask that instead? Thought I'm not sure why you'd be interested if you don't know them and they aren't present, but at least it would be honest.

I never smile sweetly when called half caste. I always explain. Interestingly (perhaps) I tend to be pulled up when I call myself black, as clearly I should be happy to be mistaken for white and keep quiet about my dirty caribbean roots. (I don't think I look particularly white, and other mixed race people never confuse me for a white person).

meetoo I realised this a long time ago. Trevor Noah did a fantastic sketch where he described being white as a 'members only club' - now I'm not agreeing or disagreeing with his statement however it made me think, for sure.

I’m mixed and don’t take offence if people ask where I’m from. I know what they mean because I don’t look traditionally white/black - some people have thought I was Chinese/Japanese.

I don’t get many people asking though to be honest.

The conversation goes as following

We’re you from
London
No I mean we’re you originally from
London
No you know what I mean
No I don’t
We’re are your people from
London
No your parents
London
Them-gutted I i am not the exotic animal

My oh has also been asked if he married a black women to up set his parents
This was asked during as adoption by a social worker

sayno I don't bother any more explaining to strangers at bus stops why 'half-caste' is an awfully offensive term. Someone I see regularly I would absolutely explain to, but again, not in an 'I'm offended that you just said something outwardly racist' way, but in more of a 'just a heads up, that's a pretty shitty term to use'