to think that being mixed race can be mentally draining at times?

[MissFranklin]

I understand, I've just joined mn and in the space of an hour have started two threads on race. I promise I am not race-obsessed and am genuinely curious about opinions on this - my other thread inspired me to ask this. I'll disappear back to watching the pregnancy board intensely after this...

Does anyone else find that being mixed race comes with a few (some laughable, some not so) problems?

• Application forms where there is no option for 'mixed' - or simply having to tick 'other', as if all mixed race folks are an amalgamation of each other.
• being asked 'but where are you ORIGINALLY from', when 'London' does not suffice (ok, I'm being pedantic but this does irk me a little)
• people not believing that your mother is really your mother...
• having to smile sweetly when called 'half-caste' because you know from experience that it's not worth the hassle of explaining the origins of this term
• being called a 'lighty'
• being told 'that's your black side coming out' when you do certain things
• being able to call yourself black, but raising an eyebrow when you refer to yourself as white
• exoticism... 'oh you're so exotic looking!'

Lots of other things, the list could go on..

Obviously these are just my experiences. Whilst my heritage doesn't solely make me who I am, it plays a large part, and comes with lots of small problems, that when grouped together, can be quite mentally taxing at times (Trevor Noah explains brilliantly).

AIBU to think that other people MUST feel the same?

(Yes I know, a bit unreasonable to start two threads on similar things at the same time, but I was inspired by my last thread and figured it's an open forum so why not!)

but user you are in contact through your work with many strangers who are probably making conversation as customers
people going about their usual everyday life not mixing with multiple different clients would not be asked the question all the time.

And I cannot believe people are asked 'where are you from' EVERYDAY by complete strangers. They must live in very strange places.

I'm probably asked this 2-4 times a year. That's enough for me!

Given that we are essentially an island of immigrants, it's a pretty hard subject to avoid altogether

lethal it's not about avoiding anything, it's about having tactful conversation that isn't saturated with ignorance. Seems we have a long way to go judging by this thread!

Clair, You make interesting points but I should add that Sub-Saharan Africans have no Neanderthal DNA. Neanderthals were in Europe and people who stayed in Africa never bred with them, therefore their descendants do not carry Neanderthal DNA.

Exoticism! That’s a bit rich given your ‘mixed race people are interesting looking’ comment on your last ‘race’ thread. In addition, do you really think ‘but where are you really from’ is reserved only for mixed race people?

Your experience is your experience but I suspect being mixed race is no more mentally draining than being black, Asian, female, disabled............

agent calling a mixed race person exotic or saying 'mixed race kids are so beautiful' or 'wanting to have a black boyfriend in order to have mixed babies' comments is entirely different to saying that SOME MIXED RACE PEOPLE ARE INTERESTING because people can't quite pin down their heritage. Entirely different. I don't think anyone on this thread has shown an objection to being asked about their heritage and people being INTERESTED in it. Honestly cannot believe how much my words have been misconstrued here. I have never been offended by someone asking 'what's your heritage' because they're interested. I do find it offensive however when people tell me 'I'm so exotic'

@AgentJohnson

I did say I was being pedantic when I find it annoying and occasionally am stubborn with my answer. The annoyance comes from constantly feeling like people don't believe you could possibly be from the UK. That you must be from some far away exotic place. This doesn't just count for mixed race people, this goes for many people from ethnic minority groups. It's ignorance in its truest form wouldn't you say?

Previous comment I made on this thread. No I don't think it is reserved only for mixed race people and fully acknowledge that.

lethal
Given that we are essentially an island of immigrants, it's a pretty hard subject to avoid altogether
but we are not an island of immigrants per se
most of us can trace our ancestry back hundreds of years and our DNA proves our heritage.
If you look at the demographic of these islands you will see that we are overwhelmingly Celtic/Viking/Norman (European) heritage and there are so many of us (nearly 90%) that no-one asks where we come from as we are obviously British
Outside the London area - this is overwhelmingly the case and anyone asking where you come from is to ascertain which county/area of the UK. Then they will only ask you once.

I thought Neanderthals were one of the extinct species of humans, but I also thought that the definition of members of a species was the general ability to have fertile off-spring with each other, so since Neanderthals inter-bred with humans, they can't be a different species.

Looking at Wikipedia, it seems that it's only very recently that DNA evidence has proved there was interbreeding, so maybe that's why there are so many references to them as a different species.

Miss Franklin
rum, out of curiosity, what do you find weird about it? It's a norm for me to experience things such as this and I live in a very multi cultural city.

Sorry, haven't been on the thread for a while.
We are, white parent, brown parent, DC brown, varying shades. Brown parent been in GB many years and has honestly NEVER experienced any prejudice or adverse experiences, BUT is very outgoing, chats to everyone, etc.

DC skin colour (in majority, but not exclusively white environments) has been, if anything, a slight advantage. Eg. visibly 'ethnic minority' children always wanted for inclusion in anything - (presumably to demonstrate inclusivity). They have never experienced any bigotry, or 'where are you from' - they have regional accents.

You mention you live in a very multicultural area. are there a lot of recent immigrants and is this why you are often asked the 'where are you from' question?

Our region is also multicultural, though we live in a white 'pocket', but most of the non white population are born and bred here, and, as I have mentioned, inter-racial marriage has been commonplace for decades, if not longer.

Dogdogcat

When you have a child and a partner who is not white you become. Transracial family rather than a white lady with a .... husband
And sadly things will go either two ways you will loose kudos amount other wite people or they will see your child as some sort of pet

You know meet Rachel she’s the one with the black husband how Interesting

Rumboogie

Eg. visibly 'ethnic minority' children always wanted for inclusion in anything - (presumably to demonstrate inclusivity). i hate to tell you this is also rasict picking out the black child to show how right on you are or inclusive you are is just as rasict as not picking somone for their colour so in the nicest possible way your children are experiencing racism it’s not just being called a wog and not wanting to be sat next to
If someone picked me for a job to demonstrate how woke they are rather than me just being the best person I would be horrified and would roundly this view as rasict

You mention you live in a very multicultural area. are there a lot of recent immigrants and is this why you are often asked the 'where are you from' question?

As poInted out when somone has a clear U.K. accent why would you assume they were a forgin
If someone is speaking to you in Welsh in a welsh accent it’s will full and othering to ask them we’re are they really from

Because if someone who was white was speaking in a welsh in a welsh accent it would be expected they are welsh from wales 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

I can't even begin to imagine how I would feel if I was to find out I was offered my job in order to fill an ethnic minority quota!

“And I cannot believe people are asked 'where are you from' EVERYDAY by complete strangers. They must live in very strange places.”

I’ve had a complete stranger stop in front of me and ask me where I got my hair from, I explained it’s my own and that’s how it grows out my head - she leaned over and tugged on a chunk of my hair and said she ‘wanted to check’ and asked where I’m from and how can she get her children to have hair like that 😡

Also as someone with 2 African parents I’ve had quite a few disbelieving people when I’ve explained that and have been told ‘no there’s something you’re not being told’ or something else to that effect errrr what exactly you trying to say...?

@MissFranklin. I know rumboogie May feel like what is happening is not rasict but it really really it’s

Rasict things are not always done with anger they are often done with a look how good we are giving the little dark girl a chance

However because rum is white she may miss the stuttle side of racism

It’s virtual signaling and identity politics when you use a minority to show how rad you are or in raisict you are tbh I rather actually be just called a wog because it’s more honest

I do belive the Victorian’s used to do this show of of the charitable works they do for the little black children 🤢

It depends I guess. I don't find it even vaguely mentally draining. Maybe because I don't fit into the 'what mixed race looks like' category. Whatever that is.
People tend not to notice in my case. I look Mediterranean more than anything, especially now as I tan easily (I'm not, I'm half British half Thai as far as race goes, but I'm definitely English)
My youngest is very proud of his Thai heritage. He has blond hair and blue-green eyes but Thai features (Broad nose and epicanthic fold on his eyes) but there's no way you'd guess by looking.

@Rumboogie I live in a multicultural city/town, and have a clearly local accent. Yet I am regularly asked where are you from, they obviously mean where are my parents from/what is my heritage. I am just asked because I of my skin colour and don't think it's acceptable small talk.

Meetoodear
If someone picked me for a job to demonstrate how woke they are rather than me just being the best person I would be horrified and would roundly this view as rasict
MissFranklin
I can't even begin to imagine how I would feel if I was to find out I was offered my job in order to fill an ethnic minority quota!

I agree totally that this is racist, but it is what is happening all the time, and not only with ethnic minorities, but with other 'minorities', eg, women (not a minority, we know), LGBT, trans, etc. - so many organisations now have quotas to fulfil. Note the recent statement from the BBC and also from the Civil Service - in the latter case don't bother to apply unless you are from a perceived disadvantaged group.

There is no way nowadays that you can be absolutely sure you have been appointed on merit, it seems, unless you are white, male and middle class, preferably educated privately. But that is a whole other discussion.

Did anybody read the recent cheddar man article?

Apparently, ancient Europeans were dark skinned (almost aborigine-like in features) and they think that our light skin was inherited from Middle Eastern genes around 7k years ago which became whiter due to vitamin D deficiency I think it was.

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/science-environment-42939192&ved=2ahUKEwjzst-PrKPcAhVLBMAKHbiaBNwQFjABegQIAhAB&usg=AOvVaw3VccEPOGREYDA_azyEWxML&ampcf=1" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.co.uk/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/science-environment-42939192&ved=2ahUKEwjzst-PrKPcAhVLBMAKHbiaBNwQFjABegQIAhAB&usg=AOvVaw3VccEPOGREYDA_azyEWxML&ampcf=1

Having a mixed race dd, I do feel she gets exoticised a bit. I've spent time in countries where I'm a minority, and there were times when the feeling that I was attracted interested glances was just so bloody exhausted.

On the other hand, I stoutly reject the contention that "Where are you from?" is racially-based, or a "micro-aggression". I'm Irish and Irish people say it to each all the time - I genuinely want to know if they're from Tipp or Galway.

I find it baffling that there are so many people who think it's ok to ask personal questions to strangers! What the hell is wrong with these idiots?!

I can understand being interested in someone's background from a cultural point of view (e.g. if I knew that an acquaintance was actually from a particular country I might ask them about it). But asking a question which essentially means "Why are you that colour" is just offensive. I'm sorry so many of you have to put up with this crap.

I'm guilty of asking where people are from of people out of curiosity and maybe wanting to get to know them better.
After reading the op I can see how draining it must be to have to deal with all these things on a regular basis throughout your life.