to think that being mixed race can be mentally draining at times?

[MissFranklin]

I understand, I've just joined mn and in the space of an hour have started two threads on race. I promise I am not race-obsessed and am genuinely curious about opinions on this - my other thread inspired me to ask this. I'll disappear back to watching the pregnancy board intensely after this...

Does anyone else find that being mixed race comes with a few (some laughable, some not so) problems?

• Application forms where there is no option for 'mixed' - or simply having to tick 'other', as if all mixed race folks are an amalgamation of each other.
• being asked 'but where are you ORIGINALLY from', when 'London' does not suffice (ok, I'm being pedantic but this does irk me a little)
• people not believing that your mother is really your mother...
• having to smile sweetly when called 'half-caste' because you know from experience that it's not worth the hassle of explaining the origins of this term
• being called a 'lighty'
• being told 'that's your black side coming out' when you do certain things
• being able to call yourself black, but raising an eyebrow when you refer to yourself as white
• exoticism... 'oh you're so exotic looking!'

Lots of other things, the list could go on..

Obviously these are just my experiences. Whilst my heritage doesn't solely make me who I am, it plays a large part, and comes with lots of small problems, that when grouped together, can be quite mentally taxing at times (Trevor Noah explains brilliantly).

AIBU to think that other people MUST feel the same?

(Yes I know, a bit unreasonable to start two threads on similar things at the same time, but I was inspired by my last thread and figured it's an open forum so why not!)

I'm probably lucky because strangers rarely comment on my race.

@Believeitornot for me it's never a case of being offended. It's usually a case of being frustrated that people can't possibly believe I'm from the UK. As I said, it's a pedantic streak I used to have and I usually answer now with 'oh you mean where are my parents from? Oh they're from the UK/Caribbean' etc.

I was brought up in a very very white area and never felt quite right, no hair products or make up for me in my local shops, for example. Now I live in a city and when I attend events like carnival I feel like a fake because I'm not "black enough".

As I said, it's a pedantic streak I used to have and I usually answer now with 'oh you mean where are my parents from? Oh they're from the UK/Caribbean' etc

Yes I do the same with a but I don’t get offended unless I get the sense the intent is anything less than genuine.

Wheels why is asking where someone is really from taking an interest?
When you've already been told that someone is from Manchester, or has a strong Scouse accent, or was born in Tottenham it's ignorant as fuck to badger them about what fetishised exoptic forrin climes they must actually come from.

Everything can be mentally draining at times. Yanbu.

gobby Didn't you know it's illegal to be born in the UK if you are not white?

*exotic. Bloody fat thumbs and wine

wejammin

I do often wonder how people think it will eff their children when they take off to some village with population 0 ethic minority’s

It may be good for them but I do not believe that as parents of children who are not white it’s right or fair to live somewhere we’re no one looks like them and cannot support their cultural identity in any way

One reason people (my DH) dislikes the question where are you really from us because it makes him feel like the person is looking at him as different and he would rather look at similarities (not sure I've explained that well!)

My main issue is finding a hairdresser that can deal with my hair's specific needs 😂

Seriously though me and my sister were talking about this the other day and both feel that being mixed race does give us a slightly different perspective on race issues. We both feel the concept of race is pretty arbitrary and no more a reflection on our personalities than eye colour. But the rest of the world seems to be obsessed with it and I've been repeatedly pressured to conform to one race or another ("but you must feel black or white surely, how can you be both?!"). I see myself as a person, my skin colour and my parents skin colour has bugger all to do with it.

I find it pretty amusing when people try to figure out where I'm from and don't take offence to it. I would like to see society in general be less worried about putting people in specific boxes (not just race) and less concerned with having to 'identify' with whatever.

Yanbu! All those examples have happened to me.

For me the drain is wondering things like "did I get that job because I am the right shade of black?" or "did I not get that job because I look too ethnic?"

" Am I letting the side down by having a white husband?" "Do I look like I'm trying too hard with these corn rows or am I selling out with this straightened hair?" "Do I have the right to be furious about racism when I have a mixed privilege I rarely notice?"

meetoo my closest friend who is of an ethnic minority moved to a very cosmopolitan/multi-cultural area when she got pregnant for this exact reason.

hale I get the hair thing! I told a hairdresser that I had 'mixed' hair which is very porous as I was having a colour put on and they told me the price would likely be double, without even having looked at my hair! They just presumed because I was mixed race that it would be difficult and take longer. They didn't even know what races exactly I was mixed with...

sayno ah good old positive discrimination that makes you feel like you can never be sure of what you achieved based on genuine merit alone

I'm mixed race too. I relate to a lot of what you've said. I find the concept of mixed privilege quite interesting, I must admit.

halebeke This >>> with bells on! My main issue is finding a hairdresser that can deal with my hair's specific needs

I hate the where are you from question, I'm from London, my parents are both from London born and raised, sorry to disappoint.

Currently I have blonde hair, I've had people telling me I'm confused and want to be white. I'm 32 years old i know who i am, I'm definitely not confused, I just like blonde hair

I've also been told I think I'm "too nice"
All lightys are the same and think they can get any man.

vlad care to elaborate? Really interesting.

I've worried before about being perceived as being unaware of my 'mixed race privilege' - aka have been concerned that OTHERS THINK that I THINK that I am better than them because of my race, leading to me being reserved when talking about anything to do with my race. I don't think I'm better than anyone. Does that make any sense at all? It did in my head.

tiny and there's that term lighty again 🤢

I'm mixed race and I've had a few times "Oh really I look more black than you" I'm very pale skinned as you can probably guess

Its an awful phrase op.

tiny yet I've been called it so many times *sigh

zigg I had 'I didn't think you'd be able to tan' last summer. No words...

Yes! The feeling of not being black enough, but not fitting in with white people. Struggling to find products for my hair, feeling on edge when I leave big cities.
Miss Franklin - I get the privilege thing - getting colourist comments from darker skinned people who assume you must be stuck up...It didn't feel that privileged growing up mixed race in the backwards town where I spent my childhood

What about Browning?! I mean really.