to think that being mixed race can be mentally draining at times?

[MissFranklin]

I understand, I've just joined mn and in the space of an hour have started two threads on race. I promise I am not race-obsessed and am genuinely curious about opinions on this - my other thread inspired me to ask this. I'll disappear back to watching the pregnancy board intensely after this...

Does anyone else find that being mixed race comes with a few (some laughable, some not so) problems?

• Application forms where there is no option for 'mixed' - or simply having to tick 'other', as if all mixed race folks are an amalgamation of each other.
• being asked 'but where are you ORIGINALLY from', when 'London' does not suffice (ok, I'm being pedantic but this does irk me a little)
• people not believing that your mother is really your mother...
• having to smile sweetly when called 'half-caste' because you know from experience that it's not worth the hassle of explaining the origins of this term
• being called a 'lighty'
• being told 'that's your black side coming out' when you do certain things
• being able to call yourself black, but raising an eyebrow when you refer to yourself as white
• exoticism... 'oh you're so exotic looking!'

Lots of other things, the list could go on..

Obviously these are just my experiences. Whilst my heritage doesn't solely make me who I am, it plays a large part, and comes with lots of small problems, that when grouped together, can be quite mentally taxing at times (Trevor Noah explains brilliantly).

AIBU to think that other people MUST feel the same?

(Yes I know, a bit unreasonable to start two threads on similar things at the same time, but I was inspired by my last thread and figured it's an open forum so why not!)

My mother is Sri Lankan welsh and my father is welsh when I was a child people thought she was my au pair or maid, I had bright ginger hair and freckles. I’ve had people say at least I look white, Asians will just ignore me and think I’m crazy.

Where I worked they said oh you put that your other mixed race but your white...I’m not I’m proud of my heritage but I feel like a secret Asian. 😕

In my view, mixed race privilege can be broken down into the basics:

• light skin
• light eyes
• 'good' hair
• exotic looking.

In essence you have or appear to have the best parts of being black but without the negative connotations and struggles that black women go through and experience. There is a deeply ingrained pervasive idealisation of lighter skin and 'good' hair within the black community. Skin bleaching, chemically relaxing hair, 'angry black woman', a westernised ideal of beauty which pretty much shits on the notion that black can be beautiful. It's very difficult being a black woman just trying to go about your day, when you're mixed race you have (to varying extents) a free pass.

Thanks MissFranklin and does that perception come from white or black people or both?

Someone said earlier that "mixed race" is the acceptable face of being black. Is there anything to this?

I remember looking at movies thinking that black men seem to be always paired with women of lighter skin and very rarely the other way round. Is this a thing, or was it just me?

vlad very well explained. Much more eloquently put than me!

@IfyouseeRitaMoreno have a read of what vlad has written it might answer some of your questions.

A lot of hidden racism comes from the opportunities your parents had - eg of course universities don't discriminate by race now, but if your parents were discriminated against they are less likely to feel positive about university and so less likely to encourage you to go. If you have a white parent, you avoid that. You might also take longer to realise when people are being racist to you, as your white parent,who hasn't experienced it, didn't pass on their understanding to you (probably good for mental health). You also are likely to fit certain western ideals in terms of looks, and therefore seem more open and friendly to white people (avoiding the angry black person trope). You might be accepted into certain circles as the blackbutnottooblack voice/face.

As a mixed race person who can at times look Mediterranean to the untrained eye, I have definitely been subject to less damaging prejudice than a darker black person. I have also benefitted emotionally and mentally from having a white mother who didn't have to be twice as good to be seen as equal to other women.

How did Obama wheel out his mother...? She died in 1995.

ifyousee my honest opinion is that it predominantly is seen that way by ethnic minorities (aka not only limited to black people).

Might well be a thing. Not something I've noticed but then again I'm not a movie person!

That took ages to write and Vladimir got there first. Rita dark man light woman is definitely a thing, but also even with white people - in Disney movies for e.g. every prince is darker than his princess.

sayno learning a lot here! I've never noticed this myself and I'm usually quite savvy about such things!

This makes for such sad reading. Can’t believe so much racism still exists in the 21st century, but clearly it does

franklin yes I've heard quarter and three quarter caste 😔. Not sure which is which . . .

My mum who was privately educated, had a ba and ma and a British passport as she was born in Wales couldn’t get a job higher than as a art technician at a college I don’t doubt it was racism tbh.

May as well say octoroon

Vladimir thanks. You can definitely see this in adverts and their choice of models. It's really rare to see a very dark skinned model.

Not that we should be shoving ideals of beauty down the throats of women and girls anyway but it's ridiculous to think that dark-skinned black women can't as beautiful. Boils my piss that they are made to think that, cos it's all so bloody cultural anyway.

I understand what you mean by people 'othering' you. I am 'other white', and my maiden name is very foreign sounding, my married name is British. I remember the 20 questions that used to get played out when people heard my name. The whole 'where are you from', 'where are your parents from', 'where are your grandparents from' (4 generations all born in very different countries). It gets tedious. I'm me, the person standing in front of you. Ask me about me, about my qualifications, about my work, my hobbies, my interests, etc, etc, etc, not about my genetic background! It takes a very observant person to 'other' me by looks. I can't imagine how tedious it would be for you facing this by random strangers.

I’d never heard of quarter caste tbh I’ve always hated the caste thing although my mum always took it with pride declaring herself nous nous.

sayno octoroon 🙈 dear lord! Not heard that in a very long term. Utterly bizarre term.

My kids are mixed race. I'm fair and half Scandinavian, half English, my exP is Indian. Our DC are beautiful, don't look much like me! I've had people say ' you can't even tell they're half Indian,' they look more Mediterranean.
They're too young to realise now, but I wonder what the future holds for them. Their Dad tells them they're Indian, I tell them they're half mummy half Daddy. It's interesting to hear others' points of view.

I hate it at training days when I ask where people are from and get every answer and reaction under the sun, and have to explain and keep explaining that I want to know which school they are from

Why don't you ask "which school are you from?" ?

I’m quite glad I’ve not heard any of these terms... but then, I’m worried I’m too ignorant.

Are they still used? I’m pregnant with a mixed race child... I know racism goes on, I’m not blind to it.. but maybe I need to learn a lot more..

claire but what on earth does that have to do with the struggles of being mixed race? Or anything on this thread for that matter? Strange comment...

NotAsGreen my mum is very "right on" , but even she didn't quite realise how prevalent racism still is until she had black children. Please just understand that your children are still likely to be subject to it, and believe them and support them when they say they are.

Has anyone else come across the term 'quarter-caste' as well? I heard someone refer to themselves as this recently and I hadn't heard it before

my children refer to themselves as quarter castes, and find the term "mixed race" offensive ( as do I)