to think that being mixed race can be mentally draining at times?

[MissFranklin]

I understand, I've just joined mn and in the space of an hour have started two threads on race. I promise I am not race-obsessed and am genuinely curious about opinions on this - my other thread inspired me to ask this. I'll disappear back to watching the pregnancy board intensely after this...

Does anyone else find that being mixed race comes with a few (some laughable, some not so) problems?

• Application forms where there is no option for 'mixed' - or simply having to tick 'other', as if all mixed race folks are an amalgamation of each other.
• being asked 'but where are you ORIGINALLY from', when 'London' does not suffice (ok, I'm being pedantic but this does irk me a little)
• people not believing that your mother is really your mother...
• having to smile sweetly when called 'half-caste' because you know from experience that it's not worth the hassle of explaining the origins of this term
• being called a 'lighty'
• being told 'that's your black side coming out' when you do certain things
• being able to call yourself black, but raising an eyebrow when you refer to yourself as white
• exoticism... 'oh you're so exotic looking!'

Lots of other things, the list could go on..

Obviously these are just my experiences. Whilst my heritage doesn't solely make me who I am, it plays a large part, and comes with lots of small problems, that when grouped together, can be quite mentally taxing at times (Trevor Noah explains brilliantly).

AIBU to think that other people MUST feel the same?

(Yes I know, a bit unreasonable to start two threads on similar things at the same time, but I was inspired by my last thread and figured it's an open forum so why not!)

The hair struggle is real!

Also this is a regular conversation now I live in a predominantly white area:

Where are you from - London
No, where originally - errrr East London?!
No, where are you parents from - both born and raised in London

At this point I just put them out of their misery and explain, it's only ever meant with curiosity and maybe a little ignorance but I don't mind, we're all ignorant about something. I don't take offence unless someone is deliberately being rude.

You think mixed race is offensive but are happy for your children to call themselves quarter castes?

I feel so embarrassed now because as a kid I asked a black friend of mine a stupid dumbassed question about her parents being her parents. She did look well pissed off, as if she'd had that question a hundred times before. But where I came from was a very white area and I was genuinely confused. I always cringe when I think about it

"The annoyance comes from constantly feeling like people don't believe you could possibly be from the UK"

This! I like to remind them that London had a black mayor in 1913, but I've had people question that. Where's the eye roll emoji?

Oh and the hair touching. Ugh.

light woman is definitely a thing, but also even with white people - in Disney movies for e.g. every prince is darker than his princess.

it depends where the story is set.

In times when diets were poor, in colder regions, lighter women, particularly blond haired women were very desirable as partners as they were able to absorb more sunlight and make more vitamin D, and therefore their babies were born stronger.

In these days of vitamin supplements it doesn't make any difference, but many traditional fairy tales were set in times when this mattered very much

@Clairetree1 out if curiosity, what do you find offensive about the term?

I'm sure you have your reasons but I find it utterly bizarre that you can use the term 'quarter caste' as the norm but be upset by 'mixed race'.

Yes claire, I'm sure that's why Disney decided to make the little mermaid so much lighter than eric.

"quarter caste" is what kids at my school used to say (in a non derogatory way) to describe people with one mixed race parent and usually a white parent. Don't know if it's the same everywhere else but that's my understanding of the term. It's a bit of a weird one because half caste was generally accepted as very offensive but quarter caste was ok?! I suppose technically my children are that but we just call them mixed race.

In times when diets were poor, in colder regions, lighter women, particularly blond haired women were very desirable as partners as they were able to absorb more sunlight and make more vitamin D, and therefore their babies were born stronger.

Yeah I don't think Disney are thinking about being true to evolution, more about fitting in with current social mores,

WherlsOnTheBus: nope, Black/ mixed / POC get asked that with a completely different meaning / subtext, to asking someone with an obviously EAL accent. Anyone could ask a POC the same questions they ask a non UK European for example. “Where is your surname from?” “Spain” or maybe “It’s a Yoruba name / Eritrean / oh some plantation owner / my grandfather was an Irish sailor “ or whatever. You could ask a POC what their accent is “Birmingham / Trini/ Ghanaian/ Canadian” etc. But ask a person with an accent very similar to yours “where are you from” and you are assuming ‘other’.

“Oh, she’s very dark, isn’t she?” (No, quite light, considering her father)
“Is she yours?”
“Fancy letting a baby get a tan like that!”
“Mixed race kids are so beautiful “ (does my child’s race account for her cuteness? Isn’t your white child beautiful too? Or... kids with 2 black parents????)
“THAT’S your Dd? But she’s Not an English child!” (A person from another European country)

To be fair, it doesn’t happen at home in S London where mixed kids are the fastest growing demographic.

But elsewhere we have found it constant.

what do you find offensive about the term? "mixed race" emphasises and exaggerates the difference - we are none of us different races, we are all the same race, biologically speaking there is only one race within the human race - other races such as Neanderthals, Javans Denesovians, exist in tiny percentages within are genome, but not as separate races.

There are no separate races.

Yeah I don't think Disney are thinking about being true to evolution, more about fitting in with current social mores, which originate in the evolutionary advantage that blond haired women had in colder climates.

No separate races , but there are castes, and you'd like to be really specific about the exact proportions of your children that are of an acceptable caste?

Someone at work looked at a pic of me as a baby and said ' that's you? You look a different race!'
She didn't mean to be offensive. I have got so much lighter as I've grown older that now I look white. But my genetics are the same.

well, I have heard them refer to themselves as quarter quarter quarter quarter castes! but that is a bit of a mouthful

Quarter caste?? Ffs...

@Clairetree1 hmm. I can't agree with you on this one. We aren't all the same race. If we were there wouldn't be a huge campaign for more mixed race people to donate their bone marrow due to huge shortages.

Don't forget claire, caste is the good bit, make sure your children let everyone know how much of the pure caste they have in them.

I am not mixed race I actually don’t really understand my heritage as in a large family of mostly very blonde people I am very dark haired, dark oval eyes, olive skinned etc. I think a couple generations ago someone married someone of Asian origin and some of us must get some throwback genes

I have spent most of my life answering questions about why I look the way I do

My kids are blonde and that also used to elicit a lot of questions if they were mine. My youngest daughter gets asked at school ‘are You Chinese?’ As she has similar eyes to mine and she gets upset as she feels it is offensive - so what if she was chinese why would that be anyone’s business and why is it important?

I must only imagine it’s so much more intense for people with features that other people find ‘interesting’ enough to make them ask questions

Excuse me
standing on one leg
I’m half-caste.

Explain yuself
wha yu mean
when yu say half-caste
yu mean when Picasso
mix red an green
is a half-caste canvas?
explain yuself
wha yu mean
when yu say half-caste
yu mean when light an shadow
mix in de sky
is a half-caste weather?
well in dat case
england weather
nearly always half-caste
in fact some o dem cloud
half-caste till dem overcast
so spiteful dem don’t want de sun pass
ah rass?
explain yuself
wha yu mean
when yu say half-caste
yu mean tchaikovsky
sit down at dah piano
an mix a black key
wid a white key
is a half-caste symphony?

Explain yuself
wha yu mean
Ah listening to yu wid de keen
half of mih ear
Ah looking at yu wid de keen
half of mih eye
an when I’m introduced to yu
I’m sure you’ll understand
why I offer yu half-a-hand
an when I sleep at night
I close half-a-eye
consequently when I dream
I dream half-a-dream
an when moon begin to glow
I half-caste human being
cast half-a-shadow
but yu must come back tomorrow
wid de whole of yu eye
an de whole of yu ear
an de whole of yu mind.

an I will tell yu
de other half
of my story

for anyone who wants to have a read. Half Caste - by John Agard

I can't agree with you on this one. We aren't all the same race

it isn't a matter of opinion, or something you can chose to agree or disagree about, it is a matter of scientific fact. We ARE all the same race. There have been other races of humans in the past, such as neanderthals, as I have just said, but every human alive today is Homo Sapian sapian, same species, same race.

it is totally inaccurate to say "mixed race" unless refering to the 1% or so of your genome that does come from another race, but we all have that too, that is not a difference between us. Homo Sapian sapians are a tiny bit Neanderthal, Javan, denosovian... all of us

We did that for GCSE and my English teacher helpfully suggested I explain to the class how it made me feel.

We are not the same race. We are the same species. Race is not a biological classification

Yeah I don't think Disney are thinking about being true to evolution, more about fitting in with current social mores, which originate in the evolutionary advantage that blond haired women had in colder climates.

Oh come on! Blond haired men would have had those same advantages. Your argument makes no sense.

Also Neanderthals, etc were different subspecies in the overarching human family not different races.

Anyway sorry for the derail..

Don't forget claire, caste is the good bit, make sure your children let everyone know how much of the pure caste they have in them.

all of my children's bits are good, carrots