My 3 year old is saying that his Grandad hit him in the face?

[GrandpaTroubles]

Hello.

I need to preface this first by giving a little bit of history. My dad has always had a terrible temper. I was fearful of him growing up as he would often get very OTT angry at me and my mum. A simple disagreement would lead to him exploding in swear words. He has also been known to lash out when something accidentally happens to him, or he feels embarrassed. There have been a few incidents where he hit me, but this was when I was a teenager.

A recent example: he was trying to fix a door in his house, I didn't realise and I started opening the door which hurt him. He swore at me nastily and slammed the door back in my face. I was shocked and this caused me to cry.

I have never seen him behave this way towards his grandchildren, ever. We are staying over there this evening. I sent my son down to say goodnight to him so I did not witness what happened next.

I heard my dad make a strange 'OW' sound and then my son cried uncontrollably. I did not hear my dad telling my son off, but he could have told him off more with an angry face IFYSWIM? My son told me immediately afterwards (through tears and crying), that grandad had told him off and I went downstairs to sort it out. Apparently my son had accidentally hit my dad in the face with a plastic garden toy and he had told him off. My son didn't mention anything about hitting at this point.

When me and my son got upstairs I then asked him what happened, and he maintained that he did hit grandad accidentally with the plastic toy but he said that grandad hit him in the face! He has said this to me a couple of times since. My dad has been unusually nice since, almost as though he feels guilty.

I have not confronted him. I don't really know what to do as I know that sometimes 3 year olds can tell tales, but my son is not known for making things up and I know my dad's tendencies. My mum is coming home in a bit and she is going to confront him instead of me.

Does anyone know a situation where a 3 year old has made such claims up totally out of the blue? My gut feeling is telling me that my son is telling the truth, in which case I have no idea what to do. We are supposed to be going on holiday in a couple of weeks and no doubt if this comes out it will be horrendous. I will not be able to stand by and let him look after my son alone again

Come on, its obvious what has happened. You need to confront your dad, ask him to explain then tell him just how unacceptable this is. Like hell would I be going on holiday with him!

Go and ask your Dad. Did you hit your Grandson in the face? His response will tell you everything. He would never be allowed near my child again.

Your dad is abusive and has not magically stopped being abusive. He has now abused your child.

Are you still there? Unless you live in their house, I would be leaving at this point.

I am not going to confront my dad on my own. I am going to wait until my mum is home and ask my son to recount what happened to her, then we will move forward with it together.

Any marks on your sons face? If there are then this is physical abuse and you should call the NSPCC helpline for advice. If not, then it’s still very very wrong. I would never allow unsupervised contact between them again and discuss this with your mum. If she minimises what happened then she can’t be trusted to supervise their contact. Reassure your son that you believe him, that granddad shouldn’t have hit him in the face and that grown ups will keep him safe from now on. Tell him he was right to tell you.

Why on earth would you expose your precious child to this “man” who’s previously abused you?!!

Your meant to be your child’s protector, any doubts at all then the child and him do not have a relationship!

Keep your child safe for gods sake!

If there’s any risk that your mum will tell your son ‘oh granddad wouldn’t do that’ etc then don’t let your son speak to her about it. It’s really vital that you believe him and that he sees you’re in his corner, not exposing him to people telling him he’s got it wrong/lying. Otherwise he might not tell you next time.

If you go on holiday with them, don’t leave DS with them alone.

There is no reason why your son would lie, especially when he told you he did accidentally hit your dad with the garden toy. I think deep down you know this
Don't accept this behaviour . You are your boys voice .

My DS did say when he was 3 that his teacher hit him in the face. However, he couldn't provide any further details, seemingly forgot about it when I brought the conversation back round to it (subtly) a couple of minutes later, and never repeated it. This sounds quite different.

Given your Dad's previous for violence, I would believe your son, and I think you are wise to wait until your Mum appears before you confront him. I fhe admits to hitting your Ds I would make sure he is never alone with your child again. You sound frightened of your Dad (and I don't blame you) don't allow your DS to end up in situations where he is fearful.

Ask him, you will be able to tell by his response.
He sounds like he has the potential to have hit him but also most 3 year olds have the potential of lying if they are upset and think they are in trouble. Why didnt your son say he was hit straight away, were there any marks on his face?
I watched my 3 year old hit her older brother today and when he told her to stop she came running to me in tears saying he hit her.

There was your dad's loud "ow" then silence, then your son crying uncontrollably... It's really obvious that in that few second quiet gap, your dad hit your son in the face. Clearly a "you hit me so I'm hitting you" moment. You didn't hear him shouting at your son because instead of shouting, he hit him in the face.

You need to stand up for your son. If you're too scared to do that, then pack your stuff and leave. You dad will know why without even being told. And don't go on holiday with them. Having them help with holiday costs or whatever might be helping you, but it is putting your son in a dangerous situation and your job is to make sure that does not happen.

Are there any bruises on your ds's face?

OP, the simple fact that you don’t feel able to confront your dad on your own here means you shouldn’t trust him around your son.

Wait for your mum but don't expect her to be any help. He'll still be a cunt to her and she didn't do anything to stop him being a cunt to you, so what would be different now?

"I am not going to confront my dad on my own. I am going to wait until my mum is home and ask my son to recount what happened to her, then we will move forward with it together."

Don't whatever you do make your child repeat what he said to you in private - because he trusted you - in front of his grandparents (whether just his grandmother or both of them together). He will never disclose anything bad to you ever again. Get the adults alone, and tackle your father - ask him outright if he hit your son, and watch his face really carefully (he'll deny, but his facial expression before he speaks may well give the game away).

If you are afraid of your dad just think how scary he is to your little boy, who is young and much smaller?

Unless you have nowhere else to go you should pack your things and leave. If he asks why you tell him he knows why.

Don’t argue or debate it. If noone ever calls him on this abusive behaviour he will think it is acceptable

There are no bruises. My mum has just came in and asked him about an unrelated scratch on his face. He said a boy hit him at nursery (true) followed by, 'and grandad hit me too' and demonstrated on himself. My son is not lying, this is a pretty elaborate lie to keep up half an hour after the event. He also said it totally unprompted. I am furious.

Of course he hit your son. I understand not wanting to rock the boat especially with the disruption to the holiday it’ll cause etc but it’s him and no one else that has caused this.

Strongly agree with the above- your son trusted you enough to tell you, please do NOT make him repeat it all in front of your dad and his gran

I hope your mum asks your dad to leave. What he did was unacceptable.

your 3 year old Child is not lying..... deal with this now

This is your time to show your son how you protect him when’s someone harms him and he seeks support from you about it.
In your position I wouldn’t be seeing my dad again.

Please please believe your DS. And make the right choices for him. He is telling you the truth because he trusts you to look after him and protect him. So step up and be the parent he needs you to be.