My 3 year old is saying that his Grandad hit him in the face?

[GrandpaTroubles]

Hello.

I need to preface this first by giving a little bit of history. My dad has always had a terrible temper. I was fearful of him growing up as he would often get very OTT angry at me and my mum. A simple disagreement would lead to him exploding in swear words. He has also been known to lash out when something accidentally happens to him, or he feels embarrassed. There have been a few incidents where he hit me, but this was when I was a teenager.

A recent example: he was trying to fix a door in his house, I didn't realise and I started opening the door which hurt him. He swore at me nastily and slammed the door back in my face. I was shocked and this caused me to cry.

I have never seen him behave this way towards his grandchildren, ever. We are staying over there this evening. I sent my son down to say goodnight to him so I did not witness what happened next.

I heard my dad make a strange 'OW' sound and then my son cried uncontrollably. I did not hear my dad telling my son off, but he could have told him off more with an angry face IFYSWIM? My son told me immediately afterwards (through tears and crying), that grandad had told him off and I went downstairs to sort it out. Apparently my son had accidentally hit my dad in the face with a plastic garden toy and he had told him off. My son didn't mention anything about hitting at this point.

When me and my son got upstairs I then asked him what happened, and he maintained that he did hit grandad accidentally with the plastic toy but he said that grandad hit him in the face! He has said this to me a couple of times since. My dad has been unusually nice since, almost as though he feels guilty.

I have not confronted him. I don't really know what to do as I know that sometimes 3 year olds can tell tales, but my son is not known for making things up and I know my dad's tendencies. My mum is coming home in a bit and she is going to confront him instead of me.

Does anyone know a situation where a 3 year old has made such claims up totally out of the blue? My gut feeling is telling me that my son is telling the truth, in which case I have no idea what to do. We are supposed to be going on holiday in a couple of weeks and no doubt if this comes out it will be horrendous. I will not be able to stand by and let him look after my son alone again

I think you're being very wise, but do remember your father and your mother may have backed off about the child care only because they're worried about this coming out. They haven't been challenged before and it will have come as a shock, especially if they're the sort who like to keep up appearances

On the same basis, if they find in future that they still can't reel you in, be prepared for a lot of emotional manipulation ... your DM's having a breakdown over your harshness, your father's not been well and can't stand this at the end of his life and much more, maybe including other family members telling you how cruel you're being

Keep strong and the very best of luck with it all

You’ve done so well. This must be really tough.

Good for you! I'm proud of you and you should be darn well proud of yourself :) :) :)

I think your mother would be better without him, she could talk to women's aid perhaps, and other places. It's hard when you've been in that situation for such a long time but it is worth leaving if it meant her life would improve :)

telling you he was leaving your Mum.. was him still manipulating you.. trying to squeeze some misplaced sympathy out of you .. for Him.. because it's all about Him....

well done OP

Im thinking the same as Gemini69, your dad is looking to manipulate you for sympathy or to turn around later and say he will get back with her if everything is brushed under the carpet.

I agree with gemini 69 and whitewalker wife

SoShinySoChrome ⭐️
This is so well put. I want to save it.

OP what an amazing mummy your DS has.. stay strong

Be careful that they are not agreeing to anything now just to keep you on talking terms but fully expect things to go back to ‘normal’ soon enough
.
Your father is blaming all of this on your mother, funny how everything is her fault hence the threat of separation. He will not and still hasn’t take responsibility.
Has he given you and your son an unreserved apology? Has he agreed to go to anger management classes to help him deal with his issues? Thought not.
They will just nod along, after all they are hedging you will both be back before long and the cycle will restart again.

You have uncovered many things but you are yet to see this will happen time and again. His agreement is meaningless, the only thing that matters is this must never ever happen again, and to be sure of that you will need to move out and take a big step back from them.

My father also announced, nastily I might add, that him and my mother were breaking up

How many boxes does he need and does he need any help packing and driving it to his new place?

LightDrizzle
Thanks :-)

my dad is no longer allowed to look after my son on his own.

Do not allow your dad to look after your son at all!
Even if your mum is there, anything might happen while she has nipped to the toilet or gone to make a cup of coffee.

You were in the house this time, yet your son was not safe with your dad.

Do not allow your dad to look after your son at all!