My 3 year old is saying that his Grandad hit him in the face?

[GrandpaTroubles]

Hello.

I need to preface this first by giving a little bit of history. My dad has always had a terrible temper. I was fearful of him growing up as he would often get very OTT angry at me and my mum. A simple disagreement would lead to him exploding in swear words. He has also been known to lash out when something accidentally happens to him, or he feels embarrassed. There have been a few incidents where he hit me, but this was when I was a teenager.

A recent example: he was trying to fix a door in his house, I didn't realise and I started opening the door which hurt him. He swore at me nastily and slammed the door back in my face. I was shocked and this caused me to cry.

I have never seen him behave this way towards his grandchildren, ever. We are staying over there this evening. I sent my son down to say goodnight to him so I did not witness what happened next.

I heard my dad make a strange 'OW' sound and then my son cried uncontrollably. I did not hear my dad telling my son off, but he could have told him off more with an angry face IFYSWIM? My son told me immediately afterwards (through tears and crying), that grandad had told him off and I went downstairs to sort it out. Apparently my son had accidentally hit my dad in the face with a plastic garden toy and he had told him off. My son didn't mention anything about hitting at this point.

When me and my son got upstairs I then asked him what happened, and he maintained that he did hit grandad accidentally with the plastic toy but he said that grandad hit him in the face! He has said this to me a couple of times since. My dad has been unusually nice since, almost as though he feels guilty.

I have not confronted him. I don't really know what to do as I know that sometimes 3 year olds can tell tales, but my son is not known for making things up and I know my dad's tendencies. My mum is coming home in a bit and she is going to confront him instead of me.

Does anyone know a situation where a 3 year old has made such claims up totally out of the blue? My gut feeling is telling me that my son is telling the truth, in which case I have no idea what to do. We are supposed to be going on holiday in a couple of weeks and no doubt if this comes out it will be horrendous. I will not be able to stand by and let him look after my son alone again

Different, but my 3 year old has maintained for 3 days now that his younger brother drew the long pencil line on our hall wall. He didn't. DS1 is still maintaining he did though. They can learn to tell tall tales early.

This is serious though, so you can't let it drop. Any marks on DS face?

Your Dad has done a real number on you.

NO!no don’t make child recount the incident to the GP who assaulted him
Come on what’ll happen,really?your dad will dominate the kid and say he lied
Your child needs to feel safe and believed or he’ll be scared to disclose

Sorry. I see now there is a previous scratch. Talk to your mum and see how she thinks you proceed.

Do you live with your parents? If not I would be avoiding your dad for the foreseeable future.

Please believe your son. Just leave and keep your son safe. The fact that you can't speak to your father without your mother being present, speaks volumes to me. You are an adult and you are still afraid of your father, he has reduced you to tears recently.

How do you think your son feels, he is a little boy just 3 yo.

Young children can say random things. But everything here points to your son telling the truth.

It does seem your son is telling the truth- your father had obviously retaliated after being fit with the toy. It’s not acceptable, and you have every right to be angry. I’d also though be asking/demanding to know what your dad did and where. He’s obviously not used much force as there are no marks. Would be helpful to know where he has hit I’m. Best of luck with your mum talking to him.

Just how much of a brute is this man that you - an adult with a child of your own - clearly don't feel safe confronting him without DM there? And if DM wasn't prepared to protect you when growing up, what possible reason is there to think she'll protect your DS either?

I'm sorry but there's no way at all I'd be going away with them (I'd probably go completely NC, TBH) and I'd be telling both of them exactly why

I am not going to confront my dad on my own.

That speaks volumes. Do not let your son near him.

@ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay that's really nasty, she's obviously a victim herself and asking for help and is doing something about it. She's already said that Grandad won't be trusted again, no need to be calling people disgraces. Get a grip

OP. Be strong.

I would say that people's anger issues tend to get worse rather than better as they get older - they just seem less patient and more easily wound up so if he didn't hit you as a young child I wouldn't use this as the benchmark. I would 100% believe your own son. Why on earth would he make that up? Your son is 3. I can't imagine hitting a 3 year old in the face. I wouldn't go on holiday with them if you are staying in the same house. Won't be any fun for you or your son. He'll be scary granddad.

I think you have a difficult evening ahead good luck op

OP, please take your son and leave.

How helpful is your mum going to be though?

Did she know what was happening to you as a kid but do nothing?

As a one off your son probably won't remember this or be too scarred by it, but you do need to make sure he isn't left with his Grandad every again or it runs the risk of becoming a very damaging pattern of abuse.

Dear god OP, a three year old wouldn't make this up and you know what your abusive father is like!

You should go no contact. Don't pussyfoot around with confronting or any other crap. You have to act to protect your son.

I hope you are ok, please believe your son. You have got to be strong, you can do this, tell your dad its unacceptable. Not your mom, you tell him. For your own sake, sometimes you gotta stand up to people even when its really hard. And im saying this as someone who finds it difficult too. I really do hope you find the strength to confront him

A grown man hitting a 3 year old in the face?

The next time your dad hits him in the face he may not survive it. All it will take is your dad's strength to knock him over and bang his head.

Where is your partner? My DH would rip his head off.

I think you have to face this: it looks very like your father hit your son. Please keep him safe and don’t make him endure your father’s anger like you had to.

You need to leave. Get yourself and your son out of there. You are the adult. Protect your son. He is 3.
Your father got away with this with you. Don't minimise. Don't be like your mother.

nice user name

nice user name

FFS don't even speak to him about it, just leave and never see him again.