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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this too long for a nursery day?

210 replies

Constantlurker · 13/07/2018 07:59

My DD is due to start nursery soon and my DH and I are trying to figure out what is best for her in terms of hours vs days. We both have the option to work extra hours in the week to then have 1 day off (and still get the same salary IYSWIM). So she would only have to go to nursery 3 days per week Mon-Wed then have 1 day with mum and 1 day with dad then the weekend with both of us. It would save a craxy amount of money in fees but the trouble is in order to do that we need to work extra hours so she would be in nursery from 7:30am - 5:30pm on those days.

I hadn't thought this was an issue until I mentioned it to someone and they were horrified. Said I was a terrible person to even consider leaving my child for such a long day, I shouldn't have bothered having kids if I was gonna dump them at nursery for so long etc. Made me feel like absolute crap.

The logical side of my brain is telling me the person is a complete dick and she'll be absolutely fine and what the hell are working parents supposed to do but the mum part of me now feels horrifically guilty. AIBU to send her in for so long?

I'm curious as to what other people think and if their DC go in for that length of time do they cope ok?

Thanks everyone!

OP posts:
PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 13/07/2018 08:01

Well that person is clearly a dick regardless of how long the nursery day is.

I'd say it's a long day but not insanely long and it's great she'll have two extra days at home with you so I'd go for it. If she takes long naps during the day it will actually not be that long awake at nursery anyway.

Bollocksitshappenedagain · 13/07/2018 08:03

My dd's went in 7.30/5.30 as did lots of the ones with working parents!. Better to have longer days and then more full days at home I think.

EssentialHummus · 13/07/2018 08:05

I’d absolutely do it.

PalePinkSwan · 13/07/2018 08:05

I’d go for it. Children get used to it. Plus assuming it’s a halfway decent Nursery she will nap while she’s there, have periods being outside, active play and quieter periods to chill out.

Plus there’s massive advantages to her having whole days with each of you and you saving the fees.

hotcrossbun83 · 13/07/2018 08:05

It’s fine. Mine did 7.30-6 for 3 days a week from their first birthday. No issues, they loved it. Some kids were doing that full time and are now happy and well adjusted children

Lotsofdigestives · 13/07/2018 08:05

Ah, yes, other people and their ‘helpful’ opinions. Never mind you need to go out to work and earn money. When I was working (mat leave now), mine did 8-6 which is the same timewise as yours. Yes, I did think it was a long day and I worried about that, but it was for three days a week and there was no way to make it less than that, given one has to get to work and back. I hope you gave that eejit a sniffy look.
She’ll get used to it, my children are still at th same nursery although I don’t send them all day and the majority of those children are there for ten hours a day.

AnnUnderTheFryingPan · 13/07/2018 08:06

Yes it’s a long day but the benefits far outweigh it.

4 days not in nursery, one to one time with each parent and weekends to do stuff together. It’s a really good soution.

Alternatively 5 days in nursery, weekends spent doing jobs and housework? Meh.

I think you’re getting it right.

And that person is a dick.

Bambamber · 13/07/2018 08:07

Yeah I think I would go for a longer day at nursery so you can have a full day at home too. The hardest part of nursery is drop off, once there chances are they will be having too much to realise how long they're there for

Justanothernameonthepage · 13/07/2018 08:08

My DD (1) goes to nursery from 7:30 to 6pm. For the exact same reason. I find it works best for our family. She has a really strong bond with her key worker, lots of toys and new experiences and it means she gets a chance to spend quality time with each parent. At nursery it's a busy day and as pp said, a couple of naps, mealtimes and activities, it's not like they are sat in a cot for the time sobbing.
Whoever said that to you is obviously a dick. And if she only had DC to keep herself busy 24/7 she might need support once they are old enough to not need her 24/7.

MissClareRemembers · 13/07/2018 08:09

I know plenty of people who did the same sort of hours. Whoever said that is indeed a dick. I’d be willing to bet they wouldn’t pull the same crap if they were talking about it to the dad.

When I went back to work after DS1 a colleague asked were DS was. When I told them he was at nursery I was told that he was too young to be at nursery. I replied that short of hiding him in my desk drawer, I didn’t have a lot of choice.

cheminotte · 13/07/2018 08:09

Absolutely fine. Definitely better than more shorter days and no days at home. A friends child did mornings only 5 days a week which meant 5 x morning rush and half of the afternoon was spent napping anyway.
My ds did 8-5.30 five days a week from 6 months and it was fine.

nellly · 13/07/2018 08:09

I think that would be a long day 5 days a week but worth the extra hours to have 4 days a week at home which can be nice and chilled.

Mine loves nursery and it did wonders for their interaction with other kids. I'm sure she'll be fine Thanks

HumpHumpWhale · 13/07/2018 08:11

Mine do 8 to 5.45. That 15 minutes less makes all the difference... Just kidding. I think it's fine. Obviously we'd all love our kids to be with a parent the majority of the time but it's just not an option. And actually, 3 days in nursery, 4 with a parent IS the majority of the time.
If you want a shorter day though, I have a friend who does compressed hours, as does her husband, but one day a week she works super late and he does early pick up, and one day he works late and she does early pick up. Would that be an option? I do think that length of day is ok, though.

pilates · 13/07/2018 08:13

Yes your suggestion is the better option. I can’t believe people can be so rude.

henpeckedinchief · 13/07/2018 08:13

Used to work in a nursery and those hours were very common for kids of parents who worked. Better to have the extra day I think!

Jeezoh · 13/07/2018 08:15

My child does 7.30-5.00 twice a week and has done for a couple of years and is fine with it. He was tired in the beginning but got used to it quickly. I wouldn’t give it another thought, go for it.

Some people are really down on nurseries but in my experience, most haven’t actually used one!

sunlighthouse · 13/07/2018 08:15

We were in your situation OP and also went with three longer days and then four days off. Personally we've found it to be the best compromise.

As others have said, they can nap and have down time at nursery anyway. It's not like sending them to an office for ten hours! The person you spoke to sounds like a melodramatic idiot.

Original poster
Constantlurker · 13/07/2018 08:16

Thank you everyone. The strangest thing since having my DD is I now doubt myself so much more. I used to be so confident making decisions!! It does feel like a really good set up to me so I was a bit shocked to get that reaction, glad you all agree this person is a dick! Luckily I stood up for myself and basically told the person shame on you for saying that, they're of the 'women should stay at home' thought process, which works perfectly for many families - my mum stayed at home with us and it was ace, but sadly I need to pay my mortgage!

Sorry for lack of paragraphs, stupid app!

OP posts:
OddestSock · 13/07/2018 08:16

I’d say these are quite normal hours. Mine went to a childminder 8-6pm (three days when I just had one & 2 days when I had my second). I loved having the extra days with them :) & they didn’t suffer from the long days

overcurrent · 13/07/2018 08:17

I'm guessing that the person that made you feel bad either doesn't have kids, or doesn't need to use childcare. Ignore them.

Ellafruit1 · 13/07/2018 08:18

Listen to your logical brain here nd ignore judgemental people! Only you know what’s right for you.

My son was in nursery two days a week 7.45-5.45pm from 13 months old, and with my MIL two days. It was hard for me to let him go and I would have preferred not to do it but financially I had to and he was fine.

We soon increased to 3 long days in nursery and one with MIL (she was unrealible and has no boundaries so nursery was the healthier choice for us as a family).

They soon adapt and thrive - I think there’s maybe the odd child who is more sensitive and doesn’t cope, but often I think it’s harder for mums particularly to let go and in reality the babies are fine.

You can either heap guilt on yourself about compromises you’ve had to make or you can accept it - that you live in a time/country that still hasn’t cracked how to balance financial needs with giving children the best start and giving parents choices that work for them. You have to do what you have to do.

Pickleypickles · 13/07/2018 08:18

I used to work in a nursery, lots of children were there for those hours 5 days a week. They were very happy children who showed the exact same attachment to their parents as those who did less days.

Barmaid101 · 13/07/2018 08:18

Yes do it! That’s what we did.
However we did Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday so we didn’t loose bank holidays as they still needed to be paid for

Ellafruit1 · 13/07/2018 08:20

X-post with you, glad to read your update! The wobble in confidence is normal I think - you’re just finding your feet with fighting for your child’s needs whereas before you only had you to think about Smile

CornishMaid1 · 13/07/2018 08:21

YANBU and the person who said that is horrid for making you doubt yourself.

Does DC go to nursery already? If not, you may want to try doing a day or two of part days before the full time to get DC used to it if you are concerned but those are not over long days and it means DC gets more days at home with parents which is great.

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