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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this too long for a nursery day?

210 replies

Constantlurker · 13/07/2018 07:59

My DD is due to start nursery soon and my DH and I are trying to figure out what is best for her in terms of hours vs days. We both have the option to work extra hours in the week to then have 1 day off (and still get the same salary IYSWIM). So she would only have to go to nursery 3 days per week Mon-Wed then have 1 day with mum and 1 day with dad then the weekend with both of us. It would save a craxy amount of money in fees but the trouble is in order to do that we need to work extra hours so she would be in nursery from 7:30am - 5:30pm on those days.

I hadn't thought this was an issue until I mentioned it to someone and they were horrified. Said I was a terrible person to even consider leaving my child for such a long day, I shouldn't have bothered having kids if I was gonna dump them at nursery for so long etc. Made me feel like absolute crap.

The logical side of my brain is telling me the person is a complete dick and she'll be absolutely fine and what the hell are working parents supposed to do but the mum part of me now feels horrifically guilty. AIBU to send her in for so long?

I'm curious as to what other people think and if their DC go in for that length of time do they cope ok?

Thanks everyone!

OP posts:
Starlight345 · 14/07/2018 16:48

I am s cm and would do what you suggest op.

My Ds was bought on by been away from me , I can also say the children I care for attach to me , they know the difference between me and mum but still come to me when they fall over , what a little confidence boost .

Dungeondragon15 · 14/07/2018 17:16

PrettyLovely so you said that "babies need their mummy" but now are stating that they don't as father's can look after babies too? Hard to take your opinion seriously when there is obviously so little thought behind it.

PrettyLovely · 14/07/2018 17:44

"It's fine them no harm. Yes you are entitled to an opinion but so is everyone else."
When did I say you couldnt have an opinion how strange for you to say something I never said?

PrettyLovely · 14/07/2018 17:47

@nishky thats good for you that you are happy with your choice.
Its also really good you worked as a team sounds like it all worked out for you all.

PrettyLovely · 14/07/2018 17:51

"PrettyLovely so you said that "babies need their mummy" but now are stating that they don't as father's can look after babies too?"
Yes I am as previously stated I couldnt edit father in!?

Dungeondragon15 · 14/07/2018 18:10

Yes I am as previously stated I couldnt edit father in!?

My point is that you haven't actually given it much thought and it's a bit hard to take your opinion seriously. As for "being entitled to an opinion", I think that depends on what it is and whether you have any influence. I certainly wouldn't want anyone with any influence to express an opinion that "babies need their mummies", whether or not they did later back track on it.

PrettyLovely · 14/07/2018 18:17

"PrettyLovely

I dont understand how people dump babies in nursery 5full days a week. But I do think the way you are doing it sounds logical having a day with mum and Dad each.
The only thing I would say is that really dig around for a decent nursery, I would say there are more bad than good ones out there. Look around as many as you can."

THIS ^^ is my first post on this thread take note of the sentence
"But I do think the way you are doing it sounds logical having a day with mum and Dad each."
See the word DAD I included him!! I didnt put it on my later messages what a crime!!
And yes I AM entitled to my opinion as much as you are, get off your horse.

Dungeondragon15 · 14/07/2018 18:38

And yes I AM entitled to my opinion as much as you are, get off your horse.

That depends on what it is. Anyway, having a right to an opinion does not make it valid.

PrettyLovely · 14/07/2018 18:40

Funny how you didnt respond to the fact I didnt leave Dad out previouslh dungeon, egg on face comes to mind 😂😂🙈

PrettyLovely · 14/07/2018 18:41

Previously**

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 14/07/2018 18:42

Let me explain,I happily put my kids in nursery 5 day a week,guilt free
No dumping.i considered it expensive outsourcing, paid a lot to abandon them kids

wishywashy6 · 14/07/2018 18:43

All days have 24 hours in them!

A good nursery accommodates nap times etc so there's no need for the day to be any "longer" than a standard day at home.

The person is a dick

PrettyLovely · 14/07/2018 18:44

Lipstick I do get that you were annoyed by the dumping comment, I shouldnt have put dumping, I do apologise if that annoyed you.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 14/07/2018 18:46

Didn’t annoy me in least. It’s something other folk say,usually in an angsty way

Dungeondragon15 · 14/07/2018 18:50

Funny how you didnt respond to the fact I didnt leave Dad out previouslh dungeon, egg on face comes to mind

Don't be ridiculous. You stated that "babies need their mummies". Your previous post didn't state otherwise and if it did, why should I go through your post to check that you hadn't made an error.

kitkatsky · 14/07/2018 18:56

My DD went 730-615 every day as I had no choice. She’s 7 now- amazingly well adjusted and bright and we have a great relationship. Not saying it’ll be exactly the same for you, but don’t beat you self up based on other people’s opinions of your parenting. It’s starts early and lasts their lifetime, so just roll your eyes and do what you think is best for your kid

PrettyLovely · 14/07/2018 18:59

Dungeon I REPEATEDLY explained myself to previous posters and you thought you would jump on it sorry you were wrong, I know you cant admit it. Its fine.Grin

trinitybleu · 14/07/2018 19:00

Your plan sounds fine to me. My DD did 4 days like that and then had a day with my mum from 6 months old. Went up to five days at nursery from age 3.

She's now a polite, kind 11 year old who cares for others and is a fantastic reader, determined and funny (confirmed by teacher and head teacher in her report). She tells me I'm the best Mummy she could have ever dreamed of (and says the same to her Daddy too). She's smashed her SATs and passed 11+.

Find the right Nursery and they thrive.

Whomever said that to you is an evil witch - even if you thought that way, why would you say it out loud? Rude.

BikeRunSki · 14/07/2018 19:02

It’s fine. My DC did similar, 3 days a week, for 4 years until starting school.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 14/07/2018 19:06

Here’s the thing because I kept working,I’ve retained up to date skills
I don’t have to post about trying to return to employment after Xyear off work
And my kids they’re happy,balanced,no noticeable attachment issues

newsparklythings · 14/07/2018 19:50

11 hour days, 7am to 6pm, from about 11 months.

Did 5 days at first, then that was too much for me so reduced to 4 days.

I have been told that my DD is bright, empathic and sociable by just about everyone who meets her, and we have a great relationship. No brag, just meaning it has not done her any harm. She is ahead of some her age who have stayed at home.

But I also think it depends on the child.

Honestly, if I could go back, at age 1 then 3 days probably would have been better, a 5 day week (and then some) plus a pretty long commute was exhausting. And I missed some things I cannot get back at that age. But, that's still more parental regret than any negative experience on her part.

My advice would be go for the best nursery you can afford and go with your gut instinct. I could have paid slightly less or gone with a childminder but would not have felt so comfortable leaving DD, and after 4 years it's one of the best decisions I made so far as a parent - I trust them, they have a lot of bright airy space, great Ofsted report, etc.

Dungeondragon15 · 14/07/2018 20:53

Dungeon I REPEATEDLY explained myself to previous posters and you thought you would jump on it sorry you were wrong, I know you cant admit it. Its fine.

I "jumped" on it before you had "explained" that you meant father's too but just said "mummies" for no reason. My point afterwards was that you clearly hadn't given your opinion much thought.

PrettyLovely · 14/07/2018 21:08

I explained myself 7 TIMES dungeon you were weirdly convinced I couldnt see fathers as having any care utterly bizarre.Confused

My points were valid as shown.
If anything your opinion clearly wasnt of any thought as you failed to RTFT and decided to troll instead of listen.
You arent the thread police Dungeon people leave out things when they are typing sometimes at least I admit my mistakes and own it unlike you.

Dungeondragon15 · 14/07/2018 21:15

I explained myself 7 TIMES dungeon you were weirdly convinced I couldnt see fathers as having any care utterly bizarre.

Apart from my first post which followed your statement that "babies need their mummies", please show me where I was "convinced" that you couldn't see father's as having any care. My point was that you didn't give your statement much thought.

PrettyLovely · 14/07/2018 21:26

You obviously have far to much time on your hands as this is endless.
You can look up the thread yourself and read it all.
I cant be bothered.
Troll someone else Confused

Op I hope what ever you do works out for you!Grin

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