Is this too long for a nursery day?

[Constantlurker]

My DD is due to start nursery soon and my DH and I are trying to figure out what is best for her in terms of hours vs days. We both have the option to work extra hours in the week to then have 1 day off (and still get the same salary IYSWIM). So she would only have to go to nursery 3 days per week Mon-Wed then have 1 day with mum and 1 day with dad then the weekend with both of us. It would save a craxy amount of money in fees but the trouble is in order to do that we need to work extra hours so she would be in nursery from 7:30am - 5:30pm on those days.

I hadn't thought this was an issue until I mentioned it to someone and they were horrified. Said I was a terrible person to even consider leaving my child for such a long day, I shouldn't have bothered having kids if I was gonna dump them at nursery for so long etc. Made me feel like absolute crap.

The logical side of my brain is telling me the person is a complete dick and she'll be absolutely fine and what the hell are working parents supposed to do but the mum part of me now feels horrifically guilty. AIBU to send her in for so long?

I'm curious as to what other people think and if their DC go in for that length of time do they cope ok?

Thanks everyone!

Those don't sound like long hours at all. I'm on the outskirts of London and most people would have an hour's commute either side of a normal working day making it 7:30-5:30 if they work 8:30-4:30, for example. I can't think why the person thinks it's a long day. You don't have a long trip home after collecting her or something? If nursery was an hour or more from home, that could be quite a long day and make it difficult for her to get enough night sleep, which would affect some children.

How lovely that you'll both have a day with her in the week as well as the weekends all together.

I think that's a lovely setup. You each get to spend one on one time and still have plenty of family time. I wish I had that option. She'll be fine at nursery, tots barely have a sense of time anyway.

Of course it's fine, what else are you supposed to do if your job runs similar hours? I work 7.45 till ten to six when I dash in and get DD.

The person who criticised you was a dick but personally I’d look at a cm or preferably a nanny if you can afford it with the saving you’re making on the other 2 days care. Purely because I don’t think the staff ratio in nurseries is adequate for young babies and even in the best ones kids sometimes have to wait when when are distressed, need changing etc purely because the staff have so many children to see to and it’s not ideal at that age when babies need to be secure that there is a responsive adult there to meet their needs.
I would definitely go for the 4 longer days over 5 shorter days though.

My daughter used to go to nursery 8-5 2 days a week plus another half day. Previously she had done 9-4 one day and 9-1 the other days. I can honestly say that the length of time she was there made no difference. Any distress occured at the transition of dropping off or picking up - but she didn't have a sense of time as a young toddler so the length of time didn't matter once she was happily settled with her teacher. Therefore by choice I would go with fewer longer days rather than greater shorter days to minimise any distress around transition. As an aside my little girl enjoyed her early mornings and late afternoons as there were fewer children and she got a lot of adult attention. I was told she also enjoyed helping with the cleaning in the afternoon!

DC2 does 3 x 10 hour days at nursery as well. MIL is horrified, but needs must. Plenty of kids do it there. Starting school will be a doddle, haha.

Another vote for the person who said that is a judgemental nob.

Your plan sounds perfectly sensible to me

As someone who works in a nursery, I would say the 3 long is better than short days everyday - and as she gets older she will have a good grasp of her routine as they are all in one chunk. I think youve got a good balance.
Yes, its a long day. But its a managable day. She will be home with plenty of time to relax with you both and so do usual bedtime routine. She gets a lovely day with each parent each week.
Trust me, I have several children who are dropped 7am on the dot and picked up by another form of childcare (normally a nanny) at 6pm or later) everyday and only see there parents first thing in the morning. I think you have negotiated a nice deal here.

My daughter started at 8m old, drop off about 8am, collect between 5:30-6:15 depending on work/traffic. She's in 5 days a week, she loves it there :-)

DD did 7.50AM-6.45PM 5 days a week from 5.5months to 3.5 years. Not ideal but needs must. Yours would go less hours for only 3 days. Seriously it will be fine - DD is extremely confident now and very happy at (pre-)school which I'm sure is in part due to attending nursery. And yes she also has no attachment issues.

My 18 month old goes 7.30-4.30 4 days and 7.30-4 1 day. She absolutely loves it at her childcare. She is term time only so I get the holidays with her. I would love your set up so I would go for it.

I'd rather have the extra days off - 730-530 is quite normal at our nursery. From 730-8 they are all having breakfast 8-1130 playing inside and out 1130-2 storytime and lunch and then a nap 2-430 playing inside and out and then teatime. Breaking the day up like this makes it seem a whole lot shorter! Ignore this 'friend' and do what's best for your family x

Absolutely fine. Ds does 3 days 7:30-5ish and started at 13 months. Now 16 months and he's come on leaps and bounds. It's very good for them to learn to share, interact with others and form bonds with people outside of family. They take them outside everyday and often leave nursery grounds. Yesterday they visited a local farm and saw sheep. Sometimes they go for a picnic and see the ducks at the local pond. They go to library for rhyme time on Mondays and also have someone coming in to offer a 'music class'. There's lots of new experiences and I fear I wouldn't be able to offer so much had I chosen to be a SAHM.

Other people love to put their 2p in and I had to be really strong and ignore. It's whatever works for you OP.

P.s we chose a small nursery and I love it.

Do visit a couple to get a feel of what's right for you and your dc

You might as well get used to the look,the disapproval,anecdotes about nursery
For some people will always be so keen to share their disapproval with you
So perfect your I’m listening face,whilst actually zoning them out,chose friends who are supportive
My nursery use 730-8 til 5 Mon to Friday and I have no qualms no guilt,never have had

As somebody who agonised over the same decisions, I can tell you that as long as you trust the nursery, it doesn’t matter a jot how long they are there. My 6yo is lovely, well adjusted, happy and outgoing .. with very strong attachments to us. Spent four days a week at nursery! It all works out fine and the kids are genuinely FINE

The difference I noticed was that when they started school was that they could already cope much better than many of their peers with full days

^This

I worked four full days so DD was in nursery from 8:30 to 6:00 from 9 months until she started school. It was a brilliant nursery and she loved it there.

When she started school I changed my work pattern so I did the same number of hours but spread over five slightly shorter days. This meant I could take her to school myself and then she went to the on-site after school club until I collected her. Hence her time away from home actually shortened when she went to school down to 9:00 to 5:00

I’m an awful parent it seems. My old st started childminder at 4 months, 5 days for 10 hours. The youngest started at 6 months, 5 days, 9.5 hours.
They are perfectly happy children.
I just got my oldest reception report back - he is doing great, academically and socially, responsible, great at sharing, very empathic. Something seem to be right!

Also, a lot of people with bad experiences are the ones who sent their children on 2 non consecutive days a week for 3 hours. Children never settle as they don’t really have a chance to settle...

My nanny used to be my child’s nursery key worker - she says it’s normal for parents who are both working, my daughter used to go in 9-5 but my husband works from home so we were flexible. Do what works best for you. Good luck!

There’s always someone lining up to berate working women about their childcare
There’s no way the same level of disapproval levelled at working men.
But I can spot a precious moments parent and I’m good at ignoring their nonsense

@Yura - I beg to differ, my son goes twice a week for half a day, he has settled in nicely thank you very much.

My ds went from 7.40 to 5.40. What else are you supposed to do if you work 9-5? I got in for 8am so I could leave on time at 5 although it would have been more acceptable if I'd got in at 9 and left at 6. Why is working late considered better than working early? Anyway I digress.

I also disagree about CMs being better than nurseries for small children. A CM never gets a break, nursery staff do.

Once my ds was approaching school age we switched to a CM but he went to two very good nurseries.

We have exactly the same arrangement. Both DS are in nursery from 7.30-6ish 3 days a week, and have been from around 10 months. They're really settled, well socialised and happy wee chaps.

My DTs did this at nursery from 9mo to starting school. They were absolutely fine.