Is this too long for a nursery day?

[Constantlurker]

My DD is due to start nursery soon and my DH and I are trying to figure out what is best for her in terms of hours vs days. We both have the option to work extra hours in the week to then have 1 day off (and still get the same salary IYSWIM). So she would only have to go to nursery 3 days per week Mon-Wed then have 1 day with mum and 1 day with dad then the weekend with both of us. It would save a craxy amount of money in fees but the trouble is in order to do that we need to work extra hours so she would be in nursery from 7:30am - 5:30pm on those days.

I hadn't thought this was an issue until I mentioned it to someone and they were horrified. Said I was a terrible person to even consider leaving my child for such a long day, I shouldn't have bothered having kids if I was gonna dump them at nursery for so long etc. Made me feel like absolute crap.

The logical side of my brain is telling me the person is a complete dick and she'll be absolutely fine and what the hell are working parents supposed to do but the mum part of me now feels horrifically guilty. AIBU to send her in for so long?

I'm curious as to what other people think and if their DC go in for that length of time do they cope ok?

Thanks everyone!

My DS did 7.45 - 5.30 from the age of 6 months for 4 years 3 days a week. At 8 now he doesn’t seem traumatised and is always asking for meet ups with his nursery pals.

It does seem like a long day but if you are working it is what it is. Mine go 7.45-5.30/45 depending on what the trains are doing. They get to have a sleep and all their meals. Tired by the end of the day but always seem to have fun!

We do the same, I work Tues-Fri and he works Mon-Thurs with DD in nursery from 8:00-17:45 Tues-Thurs. She has adapted well and loves it! Quality time with mum and dad plus the social aspect of the nursery. Yeah, I worry it's long days but I prefer that to 5 days plus it costs a bit less too. You're getting VFM from the nursery too as a full day has to be paid regardless whether you drop her off a wee bit later or pick her up a bit earlier, no?

As the pp said - think about the Monday as bank holidays still have to be paid for when you're off.

@barmaid
Ooh i did not think of that. We've not finalised days yet so a tues-thurs could be possible. Thanks!

@cornishmaid. Haven't started yet so we will definitely do a week or so of half days to get her into it gently I think.

Thanks everyone - the nap thing I hadn't even thought of which makes me feel better.

We do similar hours, and it's totally fine. In fact, most kids at the nursery do the same.

I think it helps if nursery give them tea, as when you get home you can just relax and give them a quick snack rather than going straight into cooking.

I also like having a day off in the middle of the week to break it up a bit, rather than a longer weekend.

The person is a dick

Mine have done 7-6, 7.30-6.30, 8-6 etc full time so I wouldn’t sweat it

The “dump them at nursery” comments are clearly much more to do with them than you - if no-one used nurseries they wouldn’t exist / offer those hours ...

My dd has done 8-6 5 days a week since she was 1. She loves nursery so much, she squeals when we arrive and runs in. She also squeals and gets excited when we pick her up so it hasn't ruined that either!

Dd does 4 long days a week and has done since she was 8 months old.

Your friend is a dick.

we do 7h45 to 5h30 (well she ends up being dropped off closer to 8 most days and picked up at 5h15) and it's fine. she has her friends and it's the way it has to be...

I would cut that person out of my life tbh

DS is in nursery 5 days a week, 7:30 - 18:30

He loves nursery and I honestly think they do more with him than I could at home!

I think that those hours are pretty normal for children who go to nursery. It's not like going to work. They get naps etc and if it is a good nursery it will be like home for them as soon as they're used to it. 3 days a week at nursery is a good option and anyone who says otherwise is just a knob. My in laws were similarly rude about the "long day" (not that they offered to help) but in reality they had no idea what nurseries involved and were pretty clueless.

Mine does 8-5. Initially I would pick him up around 415 but realised that I was just interrupting his outdoors play and he wasn't in a rush to come home at all!

He would also nap for up to 3 hours of that too - 1/3 of the time he is there!

Do it! Those full days with your child will be infinitely more beneficial than a slightly shorter day at nursery over 5 days. Seriously, they will be fine with 3 longer days.

You may not need to pay for bank holidays - ours refunded them.

Millions of people do this because they have to work. I hate this idea of assuming everyone has childcare or is a sahp. Do what works for your family.

Agree the person who said that to you is a 🛎

My DS (now 4) has been in nursery 3 full days a week, from 7:30 to 6 since he was 18 months old. It's not ideal but he has thrived there, he loves going and spending the entire day playing with his friends, and all the key workers are absolutely fantastic. He gets three square healthy meals a day and they have been so brilliant with things like toilet training.

You aren't leaving your DC in a drug den all day - it's a nursery and it's what they are there for, your DC will love it and you'll be amazed at what they learn/start to come out with.

@tisfortired 'you're not leaving them in a drug den'. This made me howl! So true. This kid is gonna get way more excitement and development at nursery than I can give her. I mean, I can sing a damn good 'if you're happy and you know it' but my repertoire doesn't go much further at the moment.

Both of mine did 8-6, first from 4 months old for 4 days a week, second 5 days a week from 8 months old. I was the primary salary earner with a husband in the military, so no local family support and the good fortune to be able to continue my career while he was overseas etc.

The difference I noticed was that when they started school was that they could already cope much better than many of their peers with full days (8-6) including up to 2 hours of sport each day.

They are both happy, well adjusted, sociable kids. Who have benefited from my career in ways they probably won't appreciate until they are adults.

I agree with everyone, YANBU and that person was a dick. Glad you stood up to them.

If possible, I suggest you put baby in nursery Tue-Thu, then one parent can work Mon-Thu and the other Tue-Fri. Works much better that way as each parent get 4 days at work followed by 3 days off. And if you want a long weekend together, you each have to take just one day off.

My dd is doing 8.10-4.40 once a week and my dm is telling me every time how sad she is andhow long it is for someone so young. Tbh i can see the benefits in dd speech, her new found love in rhymes and other things ive not done with her. Yes im sure shes sad at some times but i know she enjoys other bits. As a result she get 3 days with me (imlaws do the other day). Ignorethat person do whatsbestfor your. Family.

Both of my DDs did 10 hours a day for 3 consecutive days. 7.30-5.30 (and sometimes until 6pm if the trains were playing up). Both loved it and thrived. They were obviously tired after the 3 days but soon got used to it.

Mine did 3 days at nursery from age 1 7.30- 5.45. Yes in the days at nursery she had all 3 meals there. You just accept on those days you see them maybe an hour. But dd was happy and I was happy with the nursery and my balance overall (worked 3 days) . That is the key as long as you are happy with the nursery and your set up overall. Then none nursery day you can take it easier and spend time together. A day with each of you sounds like a great set up. Mine is 12 now and no regrets. Ignore the negative comments. I wouldn’t even call it a long day it’s just a nursery day.

They will have naps in the day, periods of quiet reading time, garden time etc. Both mind do three days, 8-6. They love it

My DS has done very similar hours since 13 months and has flourished.
Any nursery worth sending them to will have a good settling in process and a varied day routine (mine has a mix of structured and instructured play and ‘circle time’ with stories, songs and turn-taking etc, alongside the obvious meals, snacks and naps, so it’s not just a pit of seething toddler chaos for 10 hours!)
Obviously every child is different but I think the PP mentioning school readiness is spot on - it’s been amazing watching DS’s world widen over the past 2 years and I’m so proud of how he speaks of his ‘nursery friends’ and ‘nursery grown ups’. I have zero worries about him starting school next year (well, apart from the audit-culture, underfunded shambles the education system is, but that’s another story!)

Enjoy your nicely balanced life OP, and fuck that judgemental friend!

DS used to do 7.15 to 5. He got used to it and was fine.

HOWEVER, we then moved him to a different nursery and DH can now do drop off, so he goes 8.15 to 4.45 and despite it only being an extra hour with a parent it seems to have made a difference to him.

Having said that, he goes 5 days a week, so I think any negative impact of longer day is completely over ruled by the benefit of 2 days at home.

So I'd do the 3 long days.