Is this too long for a nursery day?

[Constantlurker]

My DD is due to start nursery soon and my DH and I are trying to figure out what is best for her in terms of hours vs days. We both have the option to work extra hours in the week to then have 1 day off (and still get the same salary IYSWIM). So she would only have to go to nursery 3 days per week Mon-Wed then have 1 day with mum and 1 day with dad then the weekend with both of us. It would save a craxy amount of money in fees but the trouble is in order to do that we need to work extra hours so she would be in nursery from 7:30am - 5:30pm on those days.

I hadn't thought this was an issue until I mentioned it to someone and they were horrified. Said I was a terrible person to even consider leaving my child for such a long day, I shouldn't have bothered having kids if I was gonna dump them at nursery for so long etc. Made me feel like absolute crap.

The logical side of my brain is telling me the person is a complete dick and she'll be absolutely fine and what the hell are working parents supposed to do but the mum part of me now feels horrifically guilty. AIBU to send her in for so long?

I'm curious as to what other people think and if their DC go in for that length of time do they cope ok?

Thanks everyone!

Privileged to be a housewife?hmm

My DS1 went to the childminder 7.30-5.00 when I was working full time. Unfortunately it's the reality of being a working parent.

Personally, I'd rather do the flexi/condensed hours so you can save money and have the extra day home with your DC to do more fun things. You probably wouldn't actually do much to speak of in a couple of hours after work (well I didn't!)

DD did 8 to 6 from the age of 4 months...

Honestly? It sounds brilliant.

3 long days, but then a whole day with mum, followed by a whole day with dad, and then a whole weekend with mum and dad.

Someone will always make you feel guilty about something.

My daughter does 3 days a week at nursery for that long and gets pretty tired. She goes Mom, Tues Thurs and I think it helps having a break and a lie in on Wed. You might like to consider breaking up the 3 days.

Surely that is a standard nursery day? My kids would have been in from 8am to 6.30pm.

Where I worked, I took care of many 4 month old babies who were in childcare 5 days a week 7.15am until 6pm
I did wonder why these parents had children, it seemed they didn't care!

I was 20 and didn't have children
When I had my own children my opinion changed slightly

I do wonder how these children will turn out as adults, when I was a child no one went to nursery, play school etc
I'm not sure it's the best environment for every child but that's just my personal opinion

Our dd went to nursery 8-6 but only 1 day a week we were lucky to have friends / family to help out the other 2 days while I was at work. If we had to we would have put her in nursery 3 days. Yes they are long days but they do benefit from interacting with all the other children and generally have lots of fun. Ignore the person who said the hurtful things you are not a bad parent stop worrying / judging yourself because of them. You do whats best for you and your family xx

I dont understand how people dump babies in nursery 5full days a week. But I do think the way you are doing it sounds logical having a day with mum and Dad each.
The only thing I would say is that really dig around for a decent nursery, I would say there are more bad than good ones out there. Look around as many as you can.

It did take nearly 5 pages for this to turn nasty. For the pp who didn’t believe someone said this to the op’s face, you would be amazed what people have said to my face over 16 years as a working parent

To the pp who wondered how ‘those children turned out’- my children are confident, outgoing, kind and high achievers- one child described by a teacher as ‘having the world at their feet’

To the op- what you will have sounds absolutely perfect. I would grab it with both hands.

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me nursery has been shown in lots of studies to help child development especially with social skills. My friend is a reception teacher and says it's easy to spot the children who go to nursery from those who don't very quickly. They adjust far better to school, are more confident and interact better with their peers.

My daughter makes me wait if I turn up too early to pick her up and chip into her snack or play time! Your dc will adjust and they get 2 days with mummy and daddy.

That's what I have to do and my youngest is 8 months!

As long as you're happy with the nursery then go for it. Kids adapt quickly and it's only 3 days

My two love it and have a great time at their nursery and they go 8-6 3 days a week

My kids did days that long two car a week(we luckily had in law help my other working day). Both of mine were fine and loved nursery. Many parents have to work it's a fact of life and just because both parents have to work shouldn't mean we shouldn't get to have kids! I bet many of the people say hurtful comments about why have kids if you are going to leave them in nursery are only able to be SAHM because their partners wage is topped up with tax credits - who do they think pays the taxes that pays for tax credits? Us working parents!

Do what is best for your family and enjoy the flexibility of being able to work full time over 4 days.

My son is with our childminder Monday to Wednesday for longer hours than you will be doing (usually 7.45am till 6pm). He's absolutely fine - a very happy boy.

DS is 8 months old and last week we started nursery. He does 8am to 5.45pm on tuesdays and thursdays. He has a brilliant time there and the way i see it is he would usually be awake at those times with me anyway, so its no big deal that he is spending that time with someone else.....it doesn't intefere with his bedtime routine or wake up routine which is the same everyday.

I think its really healthy for him to spend time with other children, doing activites i wouldn't do at home, eating new foods and generally hanging out in a safe and caring environment that is designed for babies (my house is very old and its really difficult to baby proof it!). I get a lot of work done in the two days then really enjoy spending my days off with him.

I think what you are doing is great OP and the split time between you and nursery will benefit your baby.

Sounds like the best solution for your family! Agree with a PP if possible to do Tuesday Wednesday thursday at nursery. Then as parents you get bonus bank holiday Mondays with your little one (assuming you get BHs off in your jobs), and no need to pay extra for nursery on those days.

Plus, long weekends away an option with both parents only needing to take one day’s holiday.

Good luck op. Xx

It sounds a good plan for 7.30-5.30 three days a week- then 2 full days with mum/dad.

Will also save you £££s in nursery fees.

Those hours do seem long but that's the reality of working parents!

My own mother made similar comments to me when we were planning/organising childcare for DC1- really not helpful or emotionally supportive in any way.

But we cracked on with it as we knew what we felt was right for our LO.

Lipstick I’m not a housewife. Nice assumption there.
I have two self employed jobs that I can work flexibly. That’s what I meant by privileged. I know not everyone has that option.

We do have exactly the same as you are suggesting OP. Husband works freelance so chooses to do 4 days and I am very lucky that my boss granted me flexible working so I can also do 4 longer days. DS is in nursery from 8-6pm 3 days- he absolutely loves it. Can’t wait to get in there in the morning and doesn’t want to leave in the evenings, it’s also done wonders for his development being around other children.
For those posters asking how people can leave their kids in childcare 5 days a week- not everyone has the option of flexible or part time working but can’t afford not to work at all. What other option do they have?? How horribly judgemental.

Sounds perfectly reasonable to me nursery has been shown in lots of studies to help child development especially with social skills. My friend is a reception teacher and says it's easy to spot the children who go to nursery from those who don't very quickly. They adjust far better to school, are more confident and interact better

This is a pretty bogus post. Firstly, it’s very rare for a child to start school without having done any nursery at all so your teacher friend is commenting on outliers who may well have a social/developmental reason for by attending nursery.

Secondly, far more studies have actually shown hat nursery for under 3s is more harmful than beneficial, especially for boys.

Did the OP say how old her child was? Over 3, sure, nursery is great and a valuable way to develop confidence and social skills. Under 1? You’re kidding yourself if you think your child gets any benefit or has “a brilliant time”. They don’t enjoy being with other children at this age and are better off being cared for in the home by one person, whether that’s a parent, relation or paid nanny.

I realise nursery is the cheapest option for most and so it suits to develop this narrative. But please don’t tell me small babies need “socialisation” with other small babies.

Zintox I’ll happily make assumptions of someone who is derogatory about other people and makes expansive incorrect statements

Mine goes from 8am to 5.30pm. Not been an issue.
There's one judge-y- pants

Mine went full time from three months, 7.30 to 4.30. She's turned out brilliant. I don't understand people saying it's a long day ..they do get to sleep a lot during that.