Is this too long for a nursery day?

[Constantlurker]

My DD is due to start nursery soon and my DH and I are trying to figure out what is best for her in terms of hours vs days. We both have the option to work extra hours in the week to then have 1 day off (and still get the same salary IYSWIM). So she would only have to go to nursery 3 days per week Mon-Wed then have 1 day with mum and 1 day with dad then the weekend with both of us. It would save a craxy amount of money in fees but the trouble is in order to do that we need to work extra hours so she would be in nursery from 7:30am - 5:30pm on those days.

I hadn't thought this was an issue until I mentioned it to someone and they were horrified. Said I was a terrible person to even consider leaving my child for such a long day, I shouldn't have bothered having kids if I was gonna dump them at nursery for so long etc. Made me feel like absolute crap.

The logical side of my brain is telling me the person is a complete dick and she'll be absolutely fine and what the hell are working parents supposed to do but the mum part of me now feels horrifically guilty. AIBU to send her in for so long?

I'm curious as to what other people think and if their DC go in for that length of time do they cope ok?

Thanks everyone!

It’s also an attitude from the parent,if the parent is anxious with misgivings kid will pick that up
The anxious parent who doesn’t just drop & go. They do a fraught looong goodbye
I used to dread getting stuck behind that parent in the morning.they hog staff time and have a high drama vibe
I used to see their kid settle immediately they went.

We do that as well because we have gone down the same route of working less days more hours (I work only 3 days per week though).

DD goes to the childminder two days a week 7:30-18:00, she only started this week, had a couple settling sessions before that and she has been fine, seems happy

You are sending her 3 days out of 7, she still will get plenty of time with mummy and daddy, I don't see the problem. I do get when people think why to have kids to have them all day at the nursery and if it were 5 days a week for long hours is understandable that some people may think that (even though that's the only option for some families), but 3 days is a good balance I think. I am sure your DD will benefit from some interaction with other people and kids?

It is a long day but it's a fantastic compromise and it's only 3 days a week.

If I could have done that I would - but condensed hours wasn't an option I was allowed to do.

Go for it - she'll have a great time, and she gets to spend 4 days with her family. Win all round.

Well mine were in 7.45-6 3 days a week. As were a lot of others at their Nursery.

@midnightmisssuki I’m not saying that all children who only go a couple of half days have problem setting. The one who don’t settle are more frequently 2 or 3 half days though.

Btw mine napped far better at Nursery than they ever did at home, in fact Carried on napping when they didn't any more at home, for about a year in ds1's case
So rarely came home knackered.

Mine go 8-6. Me and my husband have Fridays off but we still send them to nursery because we have that as our day. Then the weekends are all about the kids.

I’d do it. My kids have 3 long days as I compress my hours. I have every mon and tues off with them. Better that than 4/5 days. Most kids are in those hours and are totally fine. Parents wouldn’t be able to work otherwise. You are doing a great job so don’t listen to anyone else.

You’ve had a lot of replies - but DD did very similar to this. She had a long nap during the day and she was fine.
We had to deal with the issue of tiredness much more when she started school as 5 days is worse.

My kids were in daycare from 4 months old from 7.30am-5.30pm, 5 days a week - they developed fantastic relationships with their caregivers, fantastic friendships which continued on in pre-school and now kindergarten and are happy and well adjusted.

They had better routines, got to watch all the older children, had their fix of toys, tried new foods and generally were social little delights.

That timing is absolutely fine, have courage of your convictions. You're the parent, your decisions are good decisions, made for the benefit for your family as a whole.

Please do tell this "friend" that they're an arsehole. A person who cares about you does not make you second guess yourself and doubt your parenting skills.

My four year old goes three hours a day Monday -Friday, when he was three years old he just went three hours a day twice a week, but I’m really lucky to be a SAHM there’s lots of children at his preschool that go five days a week full time, you know your child and know what’s best for your family.

My two go full time from 7:45 to 5:30ish every day and have done since they were under 6 months old. They love it! It’s not terrible at all, they have such a great time and so much more than if they were with one of us at home or with a grandparent.

I'm the exact same dd is only in 3 days I'm with her the other two but her hours are 7:30-6... I don't have any other option with the commute and hours I work

She LOVES it for the record! X

Both mine were in nursery 7.45 sharp until 6pm sharp for my working days. Long day but they adjust and adapt. Don't feel guilty!

Another parent here who put their who put their child in for long days - 3 long days of 7.30 - 6 per week. DD loved it, she's an only child & got a lot out of it.

You know your child. Ignore insults from people who don't know your child or the specific circumstances of your life.

My DS currently does this and has been doing it since he was 9 months old - he is now three. We to do one day with each of us, but do it Wednesday and Thursday , so he is back in on a Friday. That way it isn’t to long of a break until he is back in nursery again

I did three similarly long days/week at nursery for DS1 when I went back to work. Worked out well.
Once he got to be around 3 I switched to four shorter days as the pre-school room was too full on for long days and he did better.

Mine have been and are in nursery that long and are fine. I think 3 days with 4 days off is amazing. Do it and who I ever told you otherwise is a dick

I think that is absolutely fine. Friends of mine in London work 8.30-4.30 5 days a week plus an hour travel each way, so they are there 7.30-5.30 every day of the week and they are doing fine. I would say 7.30-5.30 3 days with 4 days with parents is a brilliant balance for those that need / want to work.

She's being a b. So ignorant. As long as it is a good nursery and you spend plenty of quality time with them they'll be fine. My kids did it and i think that they are more confident and sociable than they would have been without nursery. Nursery staff can also help with giving unemotional advice about raising a child.

I have 3 children. All of my 3 children when to nursery 3 days a week from 6 months of age. My oldest did 4 days at first, I had to put my youngest recently for 5 days for a period of time. Over years we tried all kinds of variations and 3 full days a week seems to be the best for balance between work and family. I got my own business and adjust schedule best on anticipated workload. I currently got my very all over the place toddler for just one day a week over the summer and now that school stopped for the other two I feel like I will loose my mind very soon. Everyone has different priorities and reasons when raising kids. My reasons for hiring childcare is I do not want to stay connected to my professional self and I want to have balance in my life between work and family to remain happy. I saw people's jaws dropping few times when I told them my 6 months old was at nursery and 3 full days a week! But often these are the people with different priorities. I think your set up is great and very balanced :-)

I wanted to say I do want to stay connected to my professional self :-)

Really OP? Someone actually said those words to your face? A friend/family member?

Are you sure it wasn’t actually the little voice inside your head who said it.

Well I wouldn’t say it to someone in real life but yes I do think it’s too long to be in childcare and I feel sorry for children who have to be in nursery so long.
I understand people feel they need to prioritise work but it does make me sad that society is so fucked upset that children are at the bottom of the pile.
But I’m privileged to be able to be at home with my children. I know many others simply have to go back to work

*fucked up