Is this too long for a nursery day?

[Constantlurker]

My DD is due to start nursery soon and my DH and I are trying to figure out what is best for her in terms of hours vs days. We both have the option to work extra hours in the week to then have 1 day off (and still get the same salary IYSWIM). So she would only have to go to nursery 3 days per week Mon-Wed then have 1 day with mum and 1 day with dad then the weekend with both of us. It would save a craxy amount of money in fees but the trouble is in order to do that we need to work extra hours so she would be in nursery from 7:30am - 5:30pm on those days.

I hadn't thought this was an issue until I mentioned it to someone and they were horrified. Said I was a terrible person to even consider leaving my child for such a long day, I shouldn't have bothered having kids if I was gonna dump them at nursery for so long etc. Made me feel like absolute crap.

The logical side of my brain is telling me the person is a complete dick and she'll be absolutely fine and what the hell are working parents supposed to do but the mum part of me now feels horrifically guilty. AIBU to send her in for so long?

I'm curious as to what other people think and if their DC go in for that length of time do they cope ok?

Thanks everyone!

Well, I'm a terrible parent then. DS has done 7.30 - 5/6 five days a week since he was one. He has thrived. I couldn't have done half the things he's done at creche.

Actually my mother was very anti creche and a bit judgy about me working, but even she is impressed. She just reminds me how lucky I am to be able to work and have childcare because she didn't have the option with us before we were all at school.

It sounds fine. Mine both did 7.30- 6.00, 3 days a week (Tues, Weds, Thurs). Then a day with me and a day with their dad.

So each adult got a longer weekend and the kids got a 5 day weekend.

My dc does these hours 3 days a week. I think it’s the best thing as they settled really quickly and didn’t have tantrums at drop off. Dc went from their first birthday and have been there for over a year. They do so much that you probably wouldn’t even consider doing at home (using veg to paint etc).
Obviously it’s down to what your child is like but in the people I know, the ones who settled quicker were the ones who went from a young age, went for full days and went for more than 1 day. I have friends with older DC who started after my DC and went to nursery on a part time basis and their DC still haven’t settled properly (still crying at drop off although do settle quickly) after going for 6m-yr already.

Also, you have to do what is right for your family. You are still getting good time with your DC at the weekend so I wouldn’t worry.
Maybe review in a few months if your DC is having a hard time settling in

Actually my mother was very anti creche and a bit judgy about me working, but even she is impressed. She just reminds me how lucky I am to be able to work and have childcare because she didn't have the option with us before we were all at school

We must share the same mum. Mine was the same and now she sees how fab my DC was doing that she’s agreed that I did the right thing

Absolutely normal hours for children attending nursery and especially brilliant if you can then have 4 days with her. Mine do 8-5 four days a week and have since babies.

The person that said that to you is just trying to make themselves feel better about whatever choice they made with childcare!

Normal work day for any working parent. People who make those comments are stay at home parents or have luxury of working pt

Whoever said that to you is a dick with clearly no comprehension of how difficult it can be for working parents. My dd’s did that three days a week, home with me the rest of the time. Normal well adjusted children.
Tell them to do one next time x

“I shouldn't have bothered having kids if I was gonna dump them at nursery for so long”

I’ve never understood this attitude. I had children because I wanted a family - people who grow up into adults - not because I wanted to spend years at home cuddling babies.

I would absolutely do it. I'm my experience (three kids all went through nursery) it makes no difference if they're there for a 6 hour day, an 8 hour day or a 10 hour day.

For the child, a day at home with Mum or Dad is so so so much better than a Nursery day. So I'd longer days means more days at home then absolutely do it.

Tbh nursery is tiring however long they're there. I don't see any difference in dd2 whether I've sprinted in at 5.55pm or picked her up at 2.30pm for the school run. Both working 4 days a week is the dream balance, I'd love to be able to do that.

To put it into perspective, there are 168 hours in a week and your dd will be at nursery for 30 of them, leaving 138 hours with you and/or dh.

My ds has done 3 or 4 days 8-5 at nursery since he was 1 and thrived. Dd will be doing the same when she turns 1. It’s completely normal for lots of children.

SAHM here (so know nothing about nurseries first hand), but I'd have thought the length of day you are describing would be pretty normal? I doubt many people work exactly 9-5, 10 minutes away from their childcare. Plus having a day off each with your DD sounds great, with the added bonus of saving the nursery fees. I'd have thought you'd got things sorted out really well.

(FWIW - and from someone on the other side of the fence - you can't win. There's always someone with an opinion of how you should live your life and sort your family. Just ignore.)

A lot of parents leave their child in nursery for those hours 5 days a week.

I often can't believe how people feel it's ok to make such comments to other parents, especially new ones.

DD will be doing to nursery at least 4 days a week and will be there 7-4.45. There's nothing else for it. I think 3 days a week is perfect.

Due to a very generous inheritance I do not need to work ( for now) I can afford to put my 3 year old in nursery but choose not to as we do many activities at home and outdoors. However if you decide to go back to work it is totally understandable why your child to be put in nursery. Please lets not make this about nursery being more beneficial then child at home. Reminds me of breast V bottle. Do whats what for you and your family.

right

That's exactly what we did with my twins. Saved a lot of fees from them being 3 days a week and they got time alone with mum and dad. We've always been 50/50 in terms of parenting and I'm sure doing this after maternity leave helped us establish that. As others have said a lot of children will be in those hours five days a week.

Personally I wouldn’t do a long day like that but that’s just because I’m a sahm and have no need to. In all honesty I’m a bit of a judgy cow (inwardly would never say anything) when little ones do very long days at nursery. But actually your plan sounds perfect! Not many children are lucky enough to be able to have a day with each parent and then weekend for family time. And its not that long a day really, it sounds a lovely week, 3 days of play and fun with friends, 2 days of one on one and bonding with each of you, 2 days of being all together. Go for it I say :)

DD has done 8:15 am to 6 pm 3 days per week at her childminder since she was 6 months old, will increase to 4 days in September. Loves going, barely notices when we leave. A happy and well adjusted child who gets a lot more stimulation than we could provide her at home. I have zero guilt.

It's fine. DH and I both teach and DS1 did 7am-5ish three days a week.

My sister and her DH both commuted to London and for a while their DC did 7.30-6.30 two days a week.

I think it's definitely worth it for your DC to have an extra day with each of you per week.

Both of mine did 8-6, 4 or 5 days pw - it is a long day for small kids, it does depend on the child and whether they nap well - my elder dc is 8 and still is very tired after those days, but what are you going to do? spreading work hours over more days makes more sense as better to have the full days off.

Your dc will be at home more than at nursery each week and a lot of us can’t achieve that, so it seems good to me.

Mine does 7:45/8am - 5/5:30, two days a week. The nursery is open 7:30-6:30 and some kids are there from start til finish. It is a long day, but she gets the other three days with either me or my DH.

My son does 7.30-430. Some days 7.30-515. He's no worse off for that

I don't think it's unusual. They get to nap at nursery. I would do it as 3 days would be preferable.

Just to add they won’t be cooped up in the building those hours. Dd was always taken out for walks, to the park, nearby allotment, supermarket etc. There is a brand new lovely looking nursery at top of my road with a big outdoor play area and the children are always being taken out on walks with high viz jackets on or at the play park nearby.

I must be a horrible parent then, my son is in nursery 8-5.30 2 days a week. He has been since 9 months old, he loves nursery. It means he can have 1 day with my husband and 4 days with me :-) which I wouldn't change.

Do what is right for your child, you will always get critics whatever you decide.