Is this too long for a nursery day?

[Constantlurker]

My DD is due to start nursery soon and my DH and I are trying to figure out what is best for her in terms of hours vs days. We both have the option to work extra hours in the week to then have 1 day off (and still get the same salary IYSWIM). So she would only have to go to nursery 3 days per week Mon-Wed then have 1 day with mum and 1 day with dad then the weekend with both of us. It would save a craxy amount of money in fees but the trouble is in order to do that we need to work extra hours so she would be in nursery from 7:30am - 5:30pm on those days.

I hadn't thought this was an issue until I mentioned it to someone and they were horrified. Said I was a terrible person to even consider leaving my child for such a long day, I shouldn't have bothered having kids if I was gonna dump them at nursery for so long etc. Made me feel like absolute crap.

The logical side of my brain is telling me the person is a complete dick and she'll be absolutely fine and what the hell are working parents supposed to do but the mum part of me now feels horrifically guilty. AIBU to send her in for so long?

I'm curious as to what other people think and if their DC go in for that length of time do they cope ok?

Thanks everyone!

Nothing annoys me more than people making out you're a bad parent for putting kids in nursery!

I wish I could spend all day in nursery! It's amazing! Friends, snacks, singing, messy play, stories, outdoor time etc etc etc.

Also the government funds free nursery placed for people on low incomes/benefits precisely BECAUSE it's so good for kids.

Not to mention that you going to work sets an excellent example to your child.

I’m a childminder and have a little girl who comes 3 days a week 7am-7pm. It is obviously less than ideal to have such long hours but I truly believe that it’s easier on a child than being in childcare more days. The child wakes up to their mum every morning and sees her before bed every night, as well as having 4 whole days a week together every week. Children have little concept of time so the day at my house flies by when you take into account meal times, school runs, nap times, getting ready for bed etc however I think the children who attend every day desire time at home much more as it feels to them like they are spending all day every day at my house, particularly by the time we get to days 4 and 5.
If it were my child, I would much rather do fewer, longer days.

Oh I meant to add that a day at a good childcare setting need not feel long. Any children who arrive before 9am or leave after 5pm usually spend that extra time relaxing in the lounge looking at books, watching tv, getting read for bed/the day, having supper etc. It is a relaxing and quiet time and in my own setting (where my partner and I both work together) it feels very much like a traditional family set up. The children spend the time winding down.

Haven’t RTFT but my DS has been in nursery 3 days a week 7.30 to 6pm since he was a year old. Other 2 days with me. He loves it.

Until I saw a few discussions on Mumsnet I swear it hadn’t even occurred to me that this was “a long day”. It’s just the length of day it has to be if I am to go to work! Nursery have a great routine, they have good naps and regular mealtimes and plenty of down time to balance the activity. It’s no more tiring than being awake for those hours at home.

I also think it depends on the nursery setting. My first two went to a fantastic nursery with exceptional workers. Who cared for them dearly. When I left my the 6 month old son there I felt that he will be well cared for. They cuddled him, carried him in their hands and just treated him in a very good way. The director of nursery would often be found in the babies room cuddling babies and playing. They were so great! When I left my children there I felt very comfortable. After moving to a new area we found no good nursery and prices are nearly double! Leaving my baby there was not easy. Dd went 3 days, 5 days and now 1. The director of her current nursery I bet rarely enters the babies room and does not seem to care much. She goes one day now and seem to be happy to see them just once a week and it is plenty of time. If we were back to our old area or with nursery such one we had before I would leave her longer.
There was an interesting comment about being privileged to be able to stay at home with kids and not have to go to work.
I think the real privilege is to have that option and actually do go to work. It is a good example to the children and at some point they will need less of us anyways...

Well said re the “privileged” thing babynelly. Wholeheartedly agree.

My DS has been going daycare 5 days per week, 730am-530pm since he was 1 and he loves it.
In an ideal world I wouldn't have to work such long hours but even if I was in a position where I could be a full time SAHP, I would still want him to have time in nursery because he gets so much out of being around the other children and the variety of activities they do is fantastic.
Plus there is a definite benefit in all the play dough and glitter fun happening where other people have to clean it up! :D

Constant go for it absolutely. I am the owner/manager of a crèche and believe me when I say you are certainly not the only parent who has to do this, it is why these facilities were set up in the first place. Your child will be really well looked after, be in an excellent routine and be given lots of nap time and healthy, nourishing meals. You will most likely find that your child adores it as they are so stimulated all day long and are in the company of other little ones, you will probably also find Julie child willgo to bed better for you etc due to the excellent routines we have. All in all a crèche is a home away from home for your child and she should be very happy there so don’t feel guilty.

My sons went 2 full days ( 8.30-5.15) then had one day with my mum and one day with hubbys parents, one day with hubby and as hubby worked w/ends 2 days with me. It was a little bit of a juggling act, but they coped fine. It did however take them both a little time to settle at nursery because of the 5 days off. So your 3-4 pattern might work better in helping her settle. Don't listen to that clown! Hope it works out well for you all. 🍀💕

It's the exact set up we're planning OP, but we are lucky to have two GPs on hand who are very eager to have baby at least two of the three days, but I agree with PPs is rather three longer days with childcare and four with mum and dad than two with mum and dad and five days in childcare