... to think my son is a psychopathic monster

[Inmyvestandpants]

My DS (age 9) was playing out with his sister this afternoon in the paddling pool, with the hose etc. I went out after half and hour or so and discovered DD in the guinea pig run, cradling two very wet guinea pigs. It turned out that DS had turned the hose onto the guinea pigs, chasing them all around their hutch and into their little hidey holes etc. When DD protested, DS said he'd only stop if she let him do the same thing to her.

I was appalled. I made a big deal about how pets are for us to care for, and he had been very cruel to them. He says he didn't think about the fact they were frightened and cold, he was just bored.

I made him tidy his room (to get him out of the way while I calmed down a bit) then he had to clean and dry out the hutch, and replace all their bedding and I have banned him from playing with the hose all summer. He also has to clean out the hutch for the next six weeks. I did hear him apologising to the guinea pigs later on, and he cried about it, but I was utterly shocked by his lack of natural empathy.

What would you have done?

It was a horrible thing to do but it sounds as if he’s genuinely contrite and has learned his lesson. He’s only 9.

I think you handled it really well. I would keep an eye on his future interactions with animals as it is a little concerning. If it’s a one off, and he learns empathy, then all to the good. I think you should also chat to you’re DD about it later and get her to talk about her feelings about it too.

He’s a kid. He didn’t think it through. Sounds like you handled it well. You made him atone for his actions.

Careful with the labelling. Has he done other things in the past that have made you worry?

*your

Not great at nine really, is he normally kind though?

Maybe he thought they'd enjoy it if they got used to it or was helping them cool down?

I think you managed it really well.
If this is completely out of character, I wouldn't worry unduly.
What is he like generally?

He did a bad thing but it seems he's realised that now.

Keep an eye on him.

Is DD younger?

Sounds like he has learned his lesson. 9 year olds can be like that.

banned him from the hose all summer, sent him somehwhere else while I calmed down and made him clean up...

You handled it well. Kids can be sometimes cruel.

i think pyschopathic monster is a bit harsh,but he was certainly cruel to the gps and threatening to his sister.
I did smile at "apologising to the guinea pigs" though.
I would be just tempted to keep an eye on him for a while around those who are smaller and weaker to nip any repeat performance in the bud.

The fact you have heard/seen him apologise to them is excellent and very encouraging. Sounds like he did a daft thing without thinking it through at all, rather than a calculated act to harm/frighten animals.

Sounds like you've handled it brilliantly, and that you're in touch with what's going on with your dc so would notice any further similar issues ( I doubt this will happen though) and act accordingly ie; request a camhs referral.

Being deliberately cruel to animals rings alarm bells for me. Especially if his sister tried to stop him, he must have known it was bad.
I would take him to a therapist.

He’s only nine
He’s a kid

Can’t believe some are minimising this. At nine years old a child should know right from wrong and should certainly know they should be kind to animals and not harm them. Only two - maybe. Only nine - no way.

9 is old enough. 9 year olds are cruel sometimes. I remember being 9, many kids were not nice. This is the time you turn him into an animal welfare warrior. I think you are commendable for seeing this and choosing to turn it into something positive. So many parents make excuses for their kids, and they turn out to be horrors. He's half way to 18.

From your title I thought it was going to read that he locked his sister in the cage and did something awful to the pets like drowned them in the pool.

Yes it was wrong but at 9 he probably just got carried away with the hose.

It's unusual OP and I understand your concern

The fact that you are concerned makes you a great parent in my book

Most children just love animals IME. I am hoping that what this is, is that it is a hot day and he was enjoying a bit of a hose down and thought the guineapigs might enjoy it too.

Just keep an eye out. If he does seek to hurt them or his sister again - then that's the time for therapy.

I would be shocked and have a similar reaction to you OP.

I've taught this age group for almost a decade (now I feel old!) and cruelty to animals is very ususual and would ring a few alarm bells. I think you were right to get him to clean the hutch etc and I'm sure you had a chat with him too.

Having said that, I often think that society as a whole has an idea that children are inherently kind and this isn't always true.

I'd keep a close eye on him and how he interacts with animals in the future.

^agree, 9 is not a young child.
My 9 year old would hose his sister, maybe a quick attempt at the cat or dog before they legged it but not something that couldn’t move out of the way and then deliberately target their home and space.
I think you did the right thing but I’d keep an eye on how he does his guinea pig chores so that no short cuts are made that harm them.

Telling his sister that he'd only stop if she let him do to her instead doesn't really sound like someone who didn't realise what they were doing...

I would also be concerned. It does suggest lack of empathy. Not saying he will grow up to be a monster, but 9 is actually quite old to say 'kids will be kids'. Quite a few people grow up without empathy and many go on to be very successful- having psychopathic tendencies does mean you will turn into a serial killer. Many top bankers and lawyers are what people call psychopaths and they do very well out of life.

I would keep an eye on him around the pets in the future though- guinea pigs don't react well to stress.

Alarm bells here too. I’d keep a close eye on him and probably see about therapy. The guinea pig thing is pretty bad, but saying he’d only stop if his sister let him do the same to her is really troubling to me.

Telling his sister that he'd only stop if she let him do to her instead doesn't really sound like someone who didn't realise what they were doing

Of course he knew what he was doing. In less than a year, he will be at the age of criminal responsibility. At 9 you know.

Whilst I think you were right to punish this, knowing nine year olds I'd imagine that this was more boredom related thoughtless mayhem. Just keep an eye on him and maybe talk it through again at a time when he has reflection opportunity.

The bit that worries me is When DD protested, DS said he'd only stop if she let him do the same thing to her. He might well have not thought it through, he is only 9 and wouldn't be the first child not to think, but DD protested and he didn't stop immediately, so for at least part of it he was deliberately doing something he knew was cruel. I think you have handled it well, I would keep an eye on him though.

Did DD say why she hadn't come in to get you? Seems odd that she was sat cradling the wet guinea pigs rather than getting you to help her sort them out and that she hadn't told on her brother. Most kids seem to delight in telling on each other.