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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

... to think my son is a psychopathic monster

217 replies

Inmyvestandpants · 29/06/2018 21:04

My DS (age 9) was playing out with his sister this afternoon in the paddling pool, with the hose etc. I went out after half and hour or so and discovered DD in the guinea pig run, cradling two very wet guinea pigs. It turned out that DS had turned the hose onto the guinea pigs, chasing them all around their hutch and into their little hidey holes etc. When DD protested, DS said he'd only stop if she let him do the same thing to her.

I was appalled. I made a big deal about how pets are for us to care for, and he had been very cruel to them. He says he didn't think about the fact they were frightened and cold, he was just bored.

I made him tidy his room (to get him out of the way while I calmed down a bit) then he had to clean and dry out the hutch, and replace all their bedding and I have banned him from playing with the hose all summer. He also has to clean out the hutch for the next six weeks. I did hear him apologising to the guinea pigs later on, and he cried about it, but I was utterly shocked by his lack of natural empathy.

What would you have done?

OP posts:
goodbyestranger · 29/06/2018 23:40

Being cruel to animals is an indicator for a lot of personality problems.

Igorina · 29/06/2018 23:41

Well, it would be a huge overreaction to one incident, Goodbye - especially given his remorse.

Any medical professional worth their salt would be puzzled and alarmed at a parent rushing to them suggesting their child is a sadist over this.

I'm just glad OP is more level headed.

Godotsarrived · 29/06/2018 23:41

Lipstick you are minimising the abuse of an animal. The boy has no greater right to fairer treatment just because he is a more highly evolved mammal. He terrified two animals, he threatened his sibling. That is disturbing in the extreme. Nasty boy!

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 29/06/2018 23:43

He’s old enough to know better. You’d better watch him. Not normal at all. Can’t believe the minimizing going on. No wonder there are so many badly behaved children.

mellicauli · 29/06/2018 23:44

i guess he thought he was giving the guinea pigs a fun water park experience rather than a tsunami. He cried afterwards and said sorry. Forgive and move on.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 29/06/2018 23:44

Being cruel to animals is an indicator for a lot of personality problems depends.
As a infrequenct act no.and not when when repentant
Possibly significant If cruelty is habitual and present with other factors and unrepentant when challenged

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 29/06/2018 23:45

Godots you’re a pantomime villain turning up to swear,rant and seek revenge

rosesgarden · 29/06/2018 23:47

Regarding him saying he'd stop if he could do it to his sister.....I don't think that's bad at all. I remember when i was a kid my brother being very mean to me, and lots of my friends brothers were little sods too. I also remember boys on my street inflating frogs with straws, Shock how bloody horrible is that?.....But none of them have turned into psychopaths as far as i know.

Branleuse · 29/06/2018 23:48

some people on this thread are just so cunty it's almost funny

goodbyestranger · 29/06/2018 23:50

No Lipstick it doesn't 'depend'.

And I disagree Igorina as I'm sure plenty of decent medics would too.

This is seriously weird behaviour. I mean seriously.

Godotsarrived · 29/06/2018 23:50

Lipstick, I don’t have the make up for a pantomime villian. I don’t torture animals either.

UsedtobeFeckless · 29/06/2018 23:52

Just for context - once the girl next door and l shut her cat in her dolls house. Her mum went ballistic. I still feel bad about it decades later - l love cats, l've got several, if either of my boys did the same l'd be furious - l have no idea at all why we thought this was a thing to do!

Keep an eye on him OP, it may be a problem or it may just be a stupid one off ...

RachelTeeth · 29/06/2018 23:53

There is absolutely zero excuse for abusing animals, no matter if it was ‘only a toddler!’ (Should be under strict supervision at all times) or an older kid or an adult. There’s no way to brush animal torture off as ‘thought he was playing’ or whatever, which doesn’t even apply here, the kid did it for entertainment because he was bored. Grim.

UsedtobeFeckless · 29/06/2018 23:55

The cat was fine. Very annoyed, but fine. It bit me later. Justice was served.

tremendous · 29/06/2018 23:55

I wouldn't be overly troubled by this. He's made a mistake and you have (correctly) put him straight. What's his behaviour like normally?is this unusual behaviour for him? Obviously if you have a whole catalogue of this type of thing then that's different but as a one off in an otherwise kind and thoughtful child please don't worry unduly.

Igorina · 29/06/2018 23:55

Excessive dramatics are also an indicator of a personality disorder.

Luckily they are not diagnosed off the back of one incident/trait.

CheshireChat · 30/06/2018 00:05

Would some of you really write off your child on the back of one incident?!

To the best of my knowledge, psychopathy isn't actually treatable just vaguely manageable so what do you propose from now on?

I love how violence towards an animal is unacceptable, but violence towards a child is character forming Hmm.

Of course, it doesn't say what sort of character...

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 30/06/2018 00:16

Godoy you May not have the attire or make up of pantomime villain on this thread you have the demeanour pantomime villain

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 30/06/2018 00:19

Decent medics?they don’t diagnose and use pejorative terms on basis of 1 event
So step back from wiki and google and hare checklist all those rushing to condemn
There’s no basis to any of the wild generalisations and statements made

jade9390 · 30/06/2018 00:31

I think boys are naturally like this, or they were in the past, my brother was particularly abusive and cruel, was seen as curiousity and manliness, so was corrected less in my generation. I do no think a 9 yr old thinks about them being cold. You did well by punishing him and he apologised to them, so seems sorry. Just keep an eye on him and be harder on him, if he does it again. Also, check if he is being bullied. kids who cannot fight back against bigger boys, can take things out on their younger siblings and animals.

EdWinchester · 30/06/2018 00:34

What a horrible incident. Sounds like you handled it well, op.

As others have said, it doesn’t mean he’s psychotic or destined to become a serial killer. He just needs guidance!

And as for the idiot that suggested violence/abuse as a punishment? No words.

Anecdotally, my friend and I (aged 9) once held a full funeral for her sadly departed guinea pig only to dig it up a week later to assess the rate of decomposition 😮

Despite our parents’ concerns, we’ve both grown up to be non-deviants.

jade9390 · 30/06/2018 00:36

Might not be serial killers but these are the men who tend to become wife beaters and do things which you do not know about

Rachie1973 · 30/06/2018 00:44

Godotsarrived
He tortured 2 animals. Tortured them. What part of that is acceptable?

Who on earth said it was?

If you hit a child, because they hurt someone else you simply perpetuate a cycle. You'd have 'slapped the hell' out of him. So what if someone comes and beats the shit out of you for hitting a child? Its an endless circle and no-one wins.

OP seems totally aware that this is unacceptable behaviour, she's mentioned it's out of character for him, she's punished the child. She'll be watching him for any further alarming incidents.

She's parented her child. She's done it promptly and efficiently.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 30/06/2018 00:44

Based on what research jade, how did you arrive at that conclusion
qualitative or quantitative data?

Rachie1973 · 30/06/2018 00:48

ConciseandNice
At 9 kids can be found guilty of murder

Not quite as black and white as that. In England & Wales the age of criminal responsibility is 10.

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