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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To fire the nanny or not?

212 replies

Namechangetoday1 · 28/06/2018 02:36

Okay so I have an 8 month old boy and his nanny works 5 days a week 9-5 although she is forever and is rarely here at 9 and usually arrives anywhere from 5-15 minutes late. I talked to her about this a number of times but no luck.
The situation is that I work in an office complex right next to my house and I own the company so I can and do spend most of my time in my home office working and then just pop next door for meetings etc and also my staff pops in to my house for any questions. I also have a full time cleaner who works from 7-3 in the house.
So the issue is I am undecided although leaning towards firing the nanny for the below reasons:

  1. I am 99% sure she lied about using top things gel in my son when I told her not too. I could smell it in him and when I confronted her about it she lied and claimed it must be from the dummy and the cleaner probably hadn't washed it properly from weeks ago. (Reason for stating I didn't want it used was because there have been new health reports showing a negative and sometimes deadly effect from teething gels and also it makes him scream bloody murder and cry his heart out where as a cool yet towel helps him a lot with his teething.
  2. Due to her neglect (lack of knowledge) on caring for a circumcised boys privates (needs Vaseline twice a day otherwise it cn become reattached) his little manhood reattached and had to be forced down painfully by the doctor.
  3. My older daughter who is 13 mentioned that she never hears her talking to my son at all unless the nanny can hear someone coming and them she starts acting like she's playing and starts talking. Oddly enough one of my office staff also said this today that when they are at he house the nanny seems to move around very silently so she can listen in on others and only stars ralking stupid baby talk when she realaises someone else is around.
  4. The many is notoriously noisy and bossy with the other staff and acts one way in from of me and very differently when I am not around.
Unfortunately most of the time when I am working i have my door shut as I am mostly on conference calls and video meetings so I don't retold get to see a lot of this. But I do feel that I am paying her top dollar but that I am having to instruct her every step of the way and to teach her her job from buying her app programs and books on what activities to do with my son and what exercises and also when I have told her to not talk tot he cleaner about things such as damaging carpets or items of clothing and that I will address I have caught her in the act of giving the cleaner a heads up (wtf). Each time I have confronted her about these things she just breaks down crying and says she's sorry and she didn't do it and all the usual crap of how she will do anything but to be honest I really feel this person is a snake. Sadly I knew her for 4 years on and off before I hired here and she had great references of being a nanny with a family of 4 for 7 years but I really feel like this is rediculous that I have to tell her to not shake his bottle using her index finger get to seal off the nipple, or that she should wear socks when siting on my sons playmate with her bare feet after wearing flip flops to work (yes this is where is face falls and rubs against as he is learning to crawl), or that she should tie her long hair back instead of having his face against it when she is holding him or even that she shouldn't be wearing sandals with platform heels while carrying my son up and down the stairs. Each time I feel like face palming and say a silent FFS to myself I mean wtf? Aren't these the basics? So aibu to fire her or do I sound like an over the top mom?
OP posts:
Namechangetoday1 · 28/06/2018 02:39

Omg sorry for all the typos my damn iPhone has a mind of its own.

OP posts:
Copperbonnet · 28/06/2018 02:45

What would you do with any other member of staff who wasn’t up to standards, didn’t work well with the rest of the staff and you didn’t trust?

Just treat this like a staffing issue.

Either you feel can train her up to your standards or you can’t.

Make a decision and act accordingly.

LankinMcElf · 28/06/2018 02:45

How about taking some time off and looking after your son yourself?

Sprinklesplease · 28/06/2018 02:48

LankinMcElf Huh?

How about you stop posting in the middle of the next get and do your housework?

LankinMcElf · 28/06/2018 02:50

Ps you actually sound like a complete nightmare

LankinMcElf · 28/06/2018 02:52

Sprinkleplease what?

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2018 02:54

I think you sound very OTT but she's your employee and you set the rules. I hope the next person you employ, you tell them exactly what you expect and they can decide to not work for you.

LankinMcElf · 28/06/2018 02:57

High five MrsTerryPratchett 😉

qwertyuiopy · 28/06/2018 03:01

LankinMcElf Well you’re a jealous piece of work aren’t you?!

OP fire the nanny. It doesn’t matter why, if you don’t think she’s up to the job, get rid. Your money, your way.

moira123io · 28/06/2018 03:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TheMaddHugger · 28/06/2018 03:05

way overboard TMI on your baby's privates issues. We didn't need to know.

If you are not happy, get a new nanny.

LankinMcElf · 28/06/2018 03:07

qwertyuiopy please explain yourself cos that was a teensy bit judgmental and rude

Namechangetoday1 · 28/06/2018 03:10

@lankinmcelf
Yes I would love to do this, sadly if I did I would have to shut down the company and make the other 20+ people working there redundant.
It was never my plan to run the company, I had to step in just before he birth of my son as my husband who owned the company passed away unexpectedly so for our sake financially and for those working in the company I stepped in to try and make it work while successfully while trying to find someone else who can run it ( it is a super niche business and not easy to find someone that can understand it and run it).
Also for sale of not exposing the person or situation, the have also made my ds sick due to feeding him with a moldy bottle, and also feeding him food that they knew had expired over two weeks ago but didn't see the harm.
I appreciate I might sound OTT but I myself am under a lot of stress and exhausted as I take care over a business full time (that has to work as I feel responsible for the staff) raise my kids and still wake up 4 times a night for feeds. My days start at 4 am and end well after midnight.
I was also very specific on what I expected from the nanny before she came onboard and very specific over ds care as he has health problems and was in icu for three weeks after birth and I myself was in icu as I came very close to death and haven't full revived so although you seem to imply I am a lazy rich snob that's not quite the case.
Enjoy your view from your thrown as you pass judgement.
I asked for an opinion, but feel free to continue judging away of it makes you any happier.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2018 03:13

very specific over ds care as he has health problems and was in icu for three weeks after birth and I myself was in icu as I came very close to death

This could mean some of your OTT is health anxiety or even PTSD. Are you looking after yourself? Sleeping?

Namechangetoday1 · 28/06/2018 03:15

Moira123io
Can I ask what part makes you think this is incredibly made up.
Also have you considered that some of us just because we hire nannies can't actually afford to raise our own children as not working will mean others will be out of a job when they depend on you.
Also if I was aiming for a made up story it surely would be one of a loving husband the perfect smiley and yeah let's throw in a couple of ponies and a few exotic holidays to boot.
Seriously?
Again it's so great to see how judgmental people can be when you simply ask for an opinion on an action as a sounding board.

OP posts:
LankinMcElf · 28/06/2018 03:15

Well I’d just like to offer you a huge apology. You are obviously working extremely hard and I’m sorry if I offended you in any way. I wish you all luck in sorting out your difficulties

Namechangetoday1 · 28/06/2018 03:18

@MrsTerryPratchet
Thank you, this is exactly why I am asking. I know I have not been my full self for a while and I know I am very anxious with DS and also risking losing him. He is like a little clone of my husband. Thai is why I am asking if aibu or not or if these are normal things that nannies miss or thhatbyou should expect. I raised my dd myself as I was a Sahm so this is all new to me.
And yes I am exhausted. So that doesn't help.

OP posts:
KC225 · 28/06/2018 03:19

You are calling her a 'snake' and a liar. Also nosey and bossy behibd yiur back. You accuse her of beinf neglectful regarding your circumcised baby - yet she works 9-5 5 days a week. Why didn't you vasleine your baby before and after work if it was required twice a day. Why blame the Nanny?

You clearly don't like her or trust her despite the excellent references from her previous family. Instead of gossiping and undermining her (banning her from wearing platform sandals going up the stairs or flip flops on the playmat) end it, but bear in mind, I doubt anyone you employ will meet your standards.

LankinMcElf · 28/06/2018 03:22

Oh KC225 put an umbrella up!

AngelsOnHigh · 28/06/2018 03:23

Pretty sure you need to fire her.

I have a friend who was in the same position as you. Specialist DH passed away suddenly and she had to take over the running of the business. Had 4 small DC at the time.

It wasn't easy but 15 years down the track she is doing well.

Take your time employing a new nanny. Preferably one who has been trained in early childcare. Good luck

Imchlibob · 28/06/2018 03:24

I think yes you do need to fire the nanny. A nanny needs to have the full trust of the parents of their charges. This one doesn't work in a way to justify that trust. Without trust this situation cannot work. You need to find a nanny you can trust.

TheMaddHugger · 28/06/2018 03:24

Awww Sweetie ((((Madd Hugs)))) you've had a rough run of things, haven't you.

You are a tad anxious and I hope you can get some help to survive this hard time.

Change the Nanny. That'll be one less thing to fear

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/06/2018 03:25
  1. Teething gel. Those things are nonsense anyway. Do you think she brought it into the house? After being told no? I wouldn't like that.
  2. I wouldn't circumcise, I think it's awful. But any care needs have to be met.
  3. I wouldn't rely on the 13 yo to give you a good account of baby care.
  4. Hearsay.

I have to tell her to not shake his bottle using her index finger get to seal off the nipple, wouldn't bother me or that she should wear socks when siting on my sons playmate with her bare feet after wearing flip flops to work (yes this is where is face falls and rubs against as he is learning to crawl) also wouldn't but depends where you live , or that she should tie her long hair back instead of having his face against it when she is holding him OTT or even that she shouldn't be wearing sandals with platform heels while carrying my son up and down the stairs. OTT

You need some time to recover, grieve and mend. How can you get that?

Copperbonnet · 28/06/2018 03:25

I think in your circumstances OP you need a team you can really trust. You need someone that makes your life easier, not harder..

Namechangetoday1 · 28/06/2018 03:42

@MrsTerryPratchet

  1. Yes she brought it into the house herself. I had said a number of times I didn't want it and she had previously brought some in which I found and threw out.
2.Agree on the circumcision, it wasn't my choice I was in icu and separated and I live abroad where it's routine for them to do it immediately unless the parent intervenes but I was unconscious after an emergency Delivery.
  1. I wasn't and that was my reaction intiatially but then when my office memeber mentioned the same thing to me today and cautioned me to keep an eye on her I was taken aback and felt quirky I hadn't listened.
  2. It is now up to 4 people that have said the same about the bossiness and the nosiness. They claim she has been creeping around trying to listen in on their calls and also walking in on them asking them what they are doing and how she can also do their job etc.

I also live in a Country where the infrastructure is not so great so flies flops outside on the streets means you wil most likely be walking in excrement at some point as people commonly pee and relieve themselves on the side of the road (it's the norm) and basic hygiene is not the same as the U.K.
As for rest I am hoping and praying the nighttime feeds will soon become less and that sleep will make a difference.

OP posts: