To fire the nanny or not?

[Namechangetoday1]

Okay so I have an 8 month old boy and his nanny works 5 days a week 9-5 although she is forever and is rarely here at 9 and usually arrives anywhere from 5-15 minutes late. I talked to her about this a number of times but no luck.
The situation is that I work in an office complex right next to my house and I own the company so I can and do spend most of my time in my home office working and then just pop next door for meetings etc and also my staff pops in to my house for any questions. I also have a full time cleaner who works from 7-3 in the house.
So the issue is I am undecided although leaning towards firing the nanny for the below reasons:

1. I am 99% sure she lied about using top things gel in my son when I told her not too. I could smell it in him and when I confronted her about it she lied and claimed it must be from the dummy and the cleaner probably hadn't washed it properly from weeks ago. (Reason for stating I didn't want it used was because there have been new health reports showing a negative and sometimes deadly effect from teething gels and also it makes him scream bloody murder and cry his heart out where as a cool yet towel helps him a lot with his teething.
2. Due to her neglect (lack of knowledge) on caring for a circumcised boys privates (needs Vaseline twice a day otherwise it cn become reattached) his little manhood reattached and had to be forced down painfully by the doctor.
3. My older daughter who is 13 mentioned that she never hears her talking to my son at all unless the nanny can hear someone coming and them she starts acting like she's playing and starts talking. Oddly enough one of my office staff also said this today that when they are at he house the nanny seems to move around very silently so she can listen in on others and only stars ralking stupid baby talk when she realaises someone else is around.
4. The many is notoriously noisy and bossy with the other staff and acts one way in from of me and very differently when I am not around.

Unfortunately most of the time when I am working i have my door shut as I am mostly on conference calls and video meetings so I don't retold get to see a lot of this. But I do feel that I am paying her top dollar but that I am having to instruct her every step of the way and to teach her her job from buying her app programs and books on what activities to do with my son and what exercises and also when I have told her to not talk tot he cleaner about things such as damaging carpets or items of clothing and that I will address I have caught her in the act of giving the cleaner a heads up (wtf). Each time I have confronted her about these things she just breaks down crying and says she's sorry and she didn't do it and all the usual crap of how she will do anything but to be honest I really feel this person is a snake. Sadly I knew her for 4 years on and off before I hired here and she had great references of being a nanny with a family of 4 for 7 years but I really feel like this is rediculous that I have to tell her to not shake his bottle using her index finger get to seal off the nipple, or that she should wear socks when siting on my sons playmate with her bare feet after wearing flip flops to work (yes this is where is face falls and rubs against as he is learning to crawl), or that she should tie her long hair back instead of having his face against it when she is holding him or even that she shouldn't be wearing sandals with platform heels while carrying my son up and down the stairs. Each time I feel like face palming and say a silent FFS to myself I mean wtf? Aren't these the basics? So aibu to fire her or do I sound like an over the top mom?

I empathize , my husband became very ill while I was pregnant with my second child, so I had to return to work straight away and hired a nanny for my 2 young children , the oldest was just 19 months. Completely understand your concerns and need to have consistent care for your children. Sack your current nanny, she is not helping and you need to be able to work to keep the whole show on the road. Get an agency to vet applicants and make sure they are aware of your requirements. You are not being supported and you can ignore the posters on here who are having a dig...only you know your priorities . I hope you get some help that you can be happy with and when you do get some time for yourself...Good luck.

I cant believe I am reading this

Why beetle?

At the end of the day my lovely - he is your son - and if you don’t like the way he’s been looked after by the Person who you are paying a wage to- then you should change her.
Children are precious. And after the loss of your husband your children must feel even more so

You need someone you can trust with your baby -
If I paid someone to look after my child - I d want them to do it in a way that makes me feel I can trust them and my child is safe.

I would nt like her putting her finger over the teat to shake the bottle - they come with lids - what’s the point of sterilising otherwise - nope I would nt want her trotters on the play mat after she’s walked to the house in flip flops . I commend you stepping in to run the business while pregnant- and losing your husband - saving 20+ peoples jobs . But I will say - you need to to put more work on to others shoulders - so you can spend time with those precious children and get some sleep xx

If she was made aware of the personal care required prior to taking the job it's not on that she isn't doing it.
I have worked as a nanny and in schools and being late is unacceptable. I was always 15 mins early or more to have a cup of tea, go to the loo and then be ready to work from 9. What's the point of paying a nanny if they aren't reliable?
I wouldn't wear heals when I worked with children as I couldn't be as active and play with them, it's reasonable for you to ask her to wear flats or trainers to work.
Does she take him on outings? Park, playgroups, rhyme time in the library, children's centres whatever you have near you?
If you clarify on paper how you want him to be cared for, it might help you decide what to do?

Everyone here is saying fire her - from a HR perspective I think you need to take legal advice

I suspect there's not much to worry about with regards to the legalities of it all if the OP is in a 3rd world country which I think she is.

Find a nanny whose specialty is early childcare - sounds like your nanny is better at taking care of toddlers and young kids, not babies

And Vaseline your son!

I think your worries are normal. Could you afford to have a 24 hr maternity nurse? Then you would know your baby was in competent hands and you might be able to sleep and recover. Then you could review in a few months.

I don't think it's controlling what you are asking of your nanny, you want what's best for your ds. Hair tied back,... My youngest had to have an operation at 10 days old because our au-pair was always playing on the carpet with her and had long loose hair and Dd was always pulling her hair so lots of loose hair on carpet daily. Dd ended up with a hair wrapped so tightly around 3 toes that she nearly lost them. As for socks, after wearing flip flops outside, get her some slippers. I would also insist on no heels when carrying ds down the stairs. Out of date food, why was it there for her to use? I'd get rid of the nanny and start again, listing all what you expect from the new nanny. Good luck op.

I'm so sorry, it must be really difficult for you. You didn't ask for this situation and you are coping as best you can. If you don't feel comfortable with this nanny, from what you have described, that may not change, as you have lost trust, so if you have to let her go, be sure to do the HR stuff if she isn't still on probation, and recruit someone more amenable to your requirements or trained as someone has mentioned.
Please remember to take care of yourself, you are describing symptoms of extreme stress and so might be trying to control things excessively, because other aspects of your life have gone out of control. It's a common reaction.
Is there any way you can delegate less important parts of the business to give yourself some space? Is there a trusted employee who might be able to step up as manager?
You need 'me' time to relax and also to enjoy your baby. It might be worth trying to find a good counsellor and perhaps a business advisor too. Maybe there is also a 'women in business' type forum where you can share your worries, and get constructive advice from other people in the same situation. Sometimes posters on here can be very judgemental and hurtful.
In some ways, you have a great work/life situation, close to home, but it also means you can't escape from the pressure of the business.
Try to pay attention your health and sleep, maybe even speak to your GP as it's important to keep yourself as well and strong as possible to make your life as good as it can be, as this situation cannot continue indefinitely. Mindfulness can be really helpful.
Good luck xx

You need to trust the person/people who are looking after your child. And you don't. Its not unreasonable to want someone you can trust to do as you ask- nothing you've asked is ridiculous- perhaps PFB-ish but I was the same. And in the circumstances totally understandable.
Take some leave, hire someone who agrees to do as you ask and maybe get a nanny cam? You can tell them you're getting one so its all transparent if you like. Its just so you feel reassured that the care you think he's getting is the care he's actually getting.
And trust yourself xxx

OP - big hugs for your loss and well done for keeping your shit together at all. I’m proud of you.

Get rid of the nanny and get yourself a mother’s helper/housekeeper type person who can help you with running the house and kids and allow you the peace to run your business. You’re in a different league now and few people in here will be able to relate. Ignore the sanctimummies giving you a hard time.

I wish you nothing by the best xx