To fire the nanny or not?

[Namechangetoday1]

Okay so I have an 8 month old boy and his nanny works 5 days a week 9-5 although she is forever and is rarely here at 9 and usually arrives anywhere from 5-15 minutes late. I talked to her about this a number of times but no luck.
The situation is that I work in an office complex right next to my house and I own the company so I can and do spend most of my time in my home office working and then just pop next door for meetings etc and also my staff pops in to my house for any questions. I also have a full time cleaner who works from 7-3 in the house.
So the issue is I am undecided although leaning towards firing the nanny for the below reasons:

1. I am 99% sure she lied about using top things gel in my son when I told her not too. I could smell it in him and when I confronted her about it she lied and claimed it must be from the dummy and the cleaner probably hadn't washed it properly from weeks ago. (Reason for stating I didn't want it used was because there have been new health reports showing a negative and sometimes deadly effect from teething gels and also it makes him scream bloody murder and cry his heart out where as a cool yet towel helps him a lot with his teething.
2. Due to her neglect (lack of knowledge) on caring for a circumcised boys privates (needs Vaseline twice a day otherwise it cn become reattached) his little manhood reattached and had to be forced down painfully by the doctor.
3. My older daughter who is 13 mentioned that she never hears her talking to my son at all unless the nanny can hear someone coming and them she starts acting like she's playing and starts talking. Oddly enough one of my office staff also said this today that when they are at he house the nanny seems to move around very silently so she can listen in on others and only stars ralking stupid baby talk when she realaises someone else is around.
4. The many is notoriously noisy and bossy with the other staff and acts one way in from of me and very differently when I am not around.

Unfortunately most of the time when I am working i have my door shut as I am mostly on conference calls and video meetings so I don't retold get to see a lot of this. But I do feel that I am paying her top dollar but that I am having to instruct her every step of the way and to teach her her job from buying her app programs and books on what activities to do with my son and what exercises and also when I have told her to not talk tot he cleaner about things such as damaging carpets or items of clothing and that I will address I have caught her in the act of giving the cleaner a heads up (wtf). Each time I have confronted her about these things she just breaks down crying and says she's sorry and she didn't do it and all the usual crap of how she will do anything but to be honest I really feel this person is a snake. Sadly I knew her for 4 years on and off before I hired here and she had great references of being a nanny with a family of 4 for 7 years but I really feel like this is rediculous that I have to tell her to not shake his bottle using her index finger get to seal off the nipple, or that she should wear socks when siting on my sons playmate with her bare feet after wearing flip flops to work (yes this is where is face falls and rubs against as he is learning to crawl), or that she should tie her long hair back instead of having his face against it when she is holding him or even that she shouldn't be wearing sandals with platform heels while carrying my son up and down the stairs. Each time I feel like face palming and say a silent FFS to myself I mean wtf? Aren't these the basics? So aibu to fire her or do I sound like an over the top mom?

Fire her.

I have no personal experience of having a nanny, but from reading the nanny boards and the nanny’s that post there (who sound amazing!) yours sounds terrible, and a bit of a danger to your kid. If you can’t trust her to look after the most precious people in her life, she’s got to go.

I’m sorry for your loss.

*in your life, sorry about the typo!

It’s irrelevant if other people think you are being OTT or picky. He is your son and you must have things done in the way you like - you have relayed the way you like things to your cleaner and she has ignored you. This means she has to go.

Surely a bottle going mouldy and potentially food in fridge is cleaners domain.

Fire Nanny as you don't trust her it simply isn't going to work.

See a doctor about your son's unhealed circumcision. But I'd do the care yourself, either before work or lunch time and then after.

It’s pretty simple really
You have a nanny to make your life easier
She isn’t making your life easier she is making it harder and more stressful for you
Get rid of her and start again
As you very well know , life is to short to put up with people that add fuck all to your life apart from stress and more stress
You sound like a great employer your nanny seems like a crap employee

@crispysausagerolls.....its only relevant what others think in so much as the OP has at 2am come on a social media site and typed a long thread that sought outside opinion! 😂

Regarding the circumcision - you were responsible for making sure she knew how to care for the wound (and also massively UR for putting your DS through 2 unnecessary medical procedures) So is day you were at fault there.

The lateness and lack of trust are different issues and I'd find a new Nanny.

Also how much mess do you make to need a full time cleaner!?

I agree with all the posters who say you need to get a new nanny.

You also say you're up through the night, and are surviving on 4 hours sleep each day. How can you grieve your loss, and run a company, and enjoy your baby on so little rest? Are night nannies a thing where you live? Could you find someone to take on at least one or two of the night wakings so that you can get at least 6 or 7 hours sleep a night?

Sleep deprivation is no joke, and many situations become more bearable with adequate sleep. If you can afford it, I suggest you consider this option while you are in the process of restaffing.

That sounds like a really tough situation. Leaving everything else aside, if her role is to care for him and she is doing things that are making him ill or putting him in pain he needs someone else. If that can't be you right now for very good reasons, then yes, you need a new nanny.

Why do your staff come to your house to ask you questions? Whether or not they are welcome is moot but that surely isn't right.

Tinkobell

Haha yes I see that; but my opinion is she doesn’t need our approval 😂🙈

sleepingstandingup

How is a bottle going mouldy the cleaner’s job?! The nanny is responsible (or bloody well should be) for the child’s food and things.

Surely if you are going to come on a thread and make nasty comments to a recently bereaved mother of a young child then you should at least read the thread. It’s absolutely pathetic how snide and unkind some people are. Even if you disagree with the OP why be so vicious about it.

OP, I d sack the nanny. You need someone you can trust. I also don’t think you are being fussy or OTT. I wouldn’t like any of the things she is doin including the shoe thing or the finger over the end of the bottle thing.

Good luck, I hope things settle down for you.

In the ME / Asia - trustworthy cleaners and nannies often come at a premium. Why don’t you ask some of your peers at work (maybe friendly clients?) for recommendations of agencies they use. It sounds like, from your posts, you need to sack both the cleaner and the nanny as they are both not up to snuff.

Why do your staff come to your house to ask you questions?

Because she mostly works from her home office and it's next door to the business?

Fire the nanny. She's clearly not competent to look after your baby. All the things you say make her sound like she's making life harder not easier.

The tears and stuff are unfortunate but I think I could not leave my child with someone who I didn't feel was up to the job.

Some of the stuff you say doesn’t sound great but some stuff you seem really controlling about.
If I was a nanny and my boss was constantly on at me about little things that really don’t matter like my hair being tied up I’d be really stressed and unhappy in my job or leave. Whether or not you replace this nanny I think you need to consider how much you are micromanaging them and whether it is helping or actually hindering them from doing a good job.

This is not normal. A great nanny listens to how you parent and advises where necessary if they have experience that will help. A great nanny puts you totally at ease.

You need to find an agency who will get someone like this, it is worth the agency fee.

So sorry to hear of your husband's death. You are doing well and it is totally understandable to be anxious and upset.

You do not need the stress this nanny brings, give her notice. If you are Home Counties PM me for agency recommendation!

I actually feel for you OP. You are trying your best for the sake of your and the DC future. However yours and the DC health should be paramount. By the sounds of it. Looks like you need a live in nanny if that is appropriate. Maybe an au pair. Which would definitely help with sharing baby duties through the night. You don’t want to rush into the decision of firing her hence the advice/opinions you have asked for. (Some people will judge you, don’t let that get to you!) Throwing yourself into the company/work at times can prove to be the best coping mechanism. There are no set guidelines on how or when you should grieve after a loss, if it helps take your mind off the grief and sadness then keep going. To fire the nanny or not?? It sadly seems that will be the only course forward as she does not seem to be adjusting well to improvement. There are only so many chances you can give to an employee and if you doubt the safety of you DS then you already know what you will have to do. Good luck.

Sorry just read you are abroad but the other points stand!

fire her if you're not happy with her but good luck finding someone else, you sound like a nightmare to work for.

and as for having to shut down your company if you wanted to look after your own kids, sounds unlikely if you only have to "pop next door for meetings"

I'm sorry you're going through all this OP, sending you love and strength. My little one is only 9 months so I know full well the "not enough hours in the day" feeling of this age, and that's without the additional challenges you face.

I think getting a new nanny needs to be your top priority. The mistakes/misunderstandings of this one need to be included in your ad/job spec so there isn't any confusion (ie they'd be expected to cook and do laundry for the baby).

OP, I'm so very sorry for your loss, please be kind to yourself and your children, sack the nanny.💐

strawberry penguin read the thread!!!!!!!!!

Op has clearly stated that she was unable to consent or deny consent to her sons circumcision due to being in ICU having nearly died! Her husband had recently died meaning that there was no-one there to advocate for OP and circumcision in that country is normally done at birth as standard! So no she is NBU and given her stance I can imagine she was really pissed off about it at the time of finding out but unfortunately she doesn’t have a time machine!

OP you are doing an amazing job! I suggest you get rid of the Nanny and find someone you can trust! Even if it means advertising in the UK.

Given the state of the roads outside, I would ask Nanny and Cleaner to either remove their shoes or change into indoor shoes when coming into your home!

and as for having to shut down your company if you wanted to look after your own kids, sounds unlikely if you only have to "pop next door for meetings"

Sigh. Why so much venom? She works for her company at her home office, and meetings are held at the company premises next door. I don't think she's sitting at home flicking peanuts at the wall until meeting time.

Before anyone else posts a dig or a jibe at the OP, imagine she is a man. Recently bereaved and left with a young baby, while responsible for managing an SME-sized company. Does that make it easier?

Ignore the judgemental idiots you sound like you are doing your very best in a bad situation. I would try and find a new nanny I wouldn’t be happy with her either