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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To fire the nanny or not?

212 replies

Namechangetoday1 · 28/06/2018 02:36

Okay so I have an 8 month old boy and his nanny works 5 days a week 9-5 although she is forever and is rarely here at 9 and usually arrives anywhere from 5-15 minutes late. I talked to her about this a number of times but no luck.
The situation is that I work in an office complex right next to my house and I own the company so I can and do spend most of my time in my home office working and then just pop next door for meetings etc and also my staff pops in to my house for any questions. I also have a full time cleaner who works from 7-3 in the house.
So the issue is I am undecided although leaning towards firing the nanny for the below reasons:

  1. I am 99% sure she lied about using top things gel in my son when I told her not too. I could smell it in him and when I confronted her about it she lied and claimed it must be from the dummy and the cleaner probably hadn't washed it properly from weeks ago. (Reason for stating I didn't want it used was because there have been new health reports showing a negative and sometimes deadly effect from teething gels and also it makes him scream bloody murder and cry his heart out where as a cool yet towel helps him a lot with his teething.
  2. Due to her neglect (lack of knowledge) on caring for a circumcised boys privates (needs Vaseline twice a day otherwise it cn become reattached) his little manhood reattached and had to be forced down painfully by the doctor.
  3. My older daughter who is 13 mentioned that she never hears her talking to my son at all unless the nanny can hear someone coming and them she starts acting like she's playing and starts talking. Oddly enough one of my office staff also said this today that when they are at he house the nanny seems to move around very silently so she can listen in on others and only stars ralking stupid baby talk when she realaises someone else is around.
  4. The many is notoriously noisy and bossy with the other staff and acts one way in from of me and very differently when I am not around.
Unfortunately most of the time when I am working i have my door shut as I am mostly on conference calls and video meetings so I don't retold get to see a lot of this. But I do feel that I am paying her top dollar but that I am having to instruct her every step of the way and to teach her her job from buying her app programs and books on what activities to do with my son and what exercises and also when I have told her to not talk tot he cleaner about things such as damaging carpets or items of clothing and that I will address I have caught her in the act of giving the cleaner a heads up (wtf). Each time I have confronted her about these things she just breaks down crying and says she's sorry and she didn't do it and all the usual crap of how she will do anything but to be honest I really feel this person is a snake. Sadly I knew her for 4 years on and off before I hired here and she had great references of being a nanny with a family of 4 for 7 years but I really feel like this is rediculous that I have to tell her to not shake his bottle using her index finger get to seal off the nipple, or that she should wear socks when siting on my sons playmate with her bare feet after wearing flip flops to work (yes this is where is face falls and rubs against as he is learning to crawl), or that she should tie her long hair back instead of having his face against it when she is holding him or even that she shouldn't be wearing sandals with platform heels while carrying my son up and down the stairs. Each time I feel like face palming and say a silent FFS to myself I mean wtf? Aren't these the basics? So aibu to fire her or do I sound like an over the top mom?
OP posts:
frasier · 28/06/2018 10:15

I wouldn’t be happy with her.

The thread took a bad turn from the beginning with a few people having a pop for their own reasons, ignore OP. Get a new nanny.

LeighaJ · 28/06/2018 10:17

I would think she should be fired because she almost always turns up late and doesn't change after she's been talked to multiple times about it. That will get you fired in most other jobs.

sillyoldowl · 28/06/2018 10:25

Op I think you need to find someone you can trust and respects your wishes on everything. For the new nanny male a gentle list of things you expect and give them out on interview... this way they know from the off what is expected. Do a six monthly review of the contract and terms and don't accept anything else. You have had a rough time and anyway can see that you need to be supported in the way that's best for you.

Seryph · 28/06/2018 13:10

You and the nanny are clearly a bad fit for each other. And that's okay, get someone else in.
However, I would never work for someone who tried to dictate how I wore my hair, or really what clothes I wore. If I really liked a family and the pay was excellent I would adapt my wardrobe for religious/cultural reasons, but that's about it. One of the reasons I work as a nanny is that I can have bright pink dreadlocks as I so wish, and my work family think that's cool too.

If the nanny spots something like a stain on the carpet, of course they should let the cleaner know! Otherwise what is the point? But if your cleaner is allowing the house to be dirty, food to go off and bottles to be mouldy, then I think you need a new housekeeper and a new nanny!

TopWorrier · 28/06/2018 13:30

i agree to fire nanny, you are a single parent who is relying on your business, you need to have a nanny you can trust! she is doing a more important job than your cleaner and whoever else, she is raising your child, so take your time and find someone new

OfaFrenchmind2 · 28/06/2018 13:35

Some people here have clearly no idea of what actually working and having responsibilities for a business is, or what living abroad can be like. In this case, they should do the decent thing and pipe down. Seriously, when you can't imagine yourself in this type of situation, just realise it is above your pay grade and get back to your cave, little englanders.

OP, you are doing well, and I think you are being very brave and inspiring. Fire the nanny, she is doing the waterworks because she knows it will work, but for all the many examples you listed here, she is a shit nanny, and has no place in your household. Also, I know it is hard, but try to take care of yourself too, give yourself a break.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 28/06/2018 13:37

Some people here have clearly no idea of what actually working and having responsibilities for a business is, or what living abroad can be like. In this case, they should do the decent thing and pipe down. Seriously, when you can't imagine yourself in this type of situation, just realise it is above your pay grade and get back to your cave, little englanders.

OP, you are doing well, and I think you are being very brave and inspiring. Fire the nanny, she is doing the waterworks because she knows it will work, but for all the many examples you listed here, she is a shit nanny, and has no place in your household. Also, I know it is hard, but try to take care of yourself too, give yourself a break.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 28/06/2018 13:37

Some people here have clearly no idea of what actually working and having responsibilities for a business is, or what living abroad can be like. In this case, they should do the decent thing and pipe down. Seriously, when you can't imagine yourself in this type of situation, just realise it is above your pay grade and get back to your cave, little englanders.

OP, you are doing well, and I think you are being very brave and inspiring. Fire the nanny, she is doing the waterworks because she knows it will work, but for all the many examples you listed here, she is a shit nanny, and has no place in your household. Also, I know it is hard, but try to take care of yourself too, give yourself a break.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 28/06/2018 13:37

Some people here have clearly no idea of what actually working and having responsibilities for a business is, or what living abroad can be like. In this case, they should do the decent thing and pipe down. Seriously, when you can't imagine yourself in this type of situation, just realise it is above your pay grade and get back to your cave, little englanders.

OP, you are doing well, and I think you are being very brave and inspiring. Fire the nanny, she is doing the waterworks because she knows it will work, but for all the many examples you listed here, she is a shit nanny, and has no place in your household. Also, I know it is hard, but try to take care of yourself too, give yourself a break.

MrsHappyAndMrCool · 28/06/2018 13:37

Yep, I’d fire her and start looking for someone new.

Karigan198 · 28/06/2018 13:41

Seriously, when you can't imagine yourself in this type of situation, just realise it is above your pay grade and get back to your cave, little englanders.

How rude. You have no idea of the pay grade of the vast majority of people on here unless they have chosen to reveal it. Award for the most snobby, superior and rude comment of the year.

Karigan198 · 28/06/2018 13:41

Seriously, when you can't imagine yourself in this type of situation, just realise it is above your pay grade and get back to your cave, little englanders.

How rude. You have no idea of the pay grade of the vast majority of people on here unless they have chosen to reveal it. Award for the most snobby, superior and rude comment of the year.

HairyToity · 28/06/2018 13:43

Your gut feeling is fire, so yes I'd fire her.

Tartsamazeballs · 28/06/2018 13:43

YABVU for saying little manhood. It's penis, it's actually fewer letters to type.

PorkFlute · 28/06/2018 13:46

I also think that your nanny is playing up to her audience because she knows that your staff and family are reporting back on her every move. It must be a very difficult environment to work in!

OfaFrenchmind2 · 28/06/2018 13:47

And apparently I posted 3 times... But yes, I will stand by my comment (3 times also). I will gladly take my award, but only twice.

Lizzie48 · 28/06/2018 14:01

Why is it that some posters always have to resort to that old chestnut that the thread is made up? This setup would be standard in other parts of the world.

I'm really sorry you've had such a hard time of it of late, OP. If the trust has broken down between you and your nanny then I would say yes, you should fire her. Thanks

Trinity66 · 28/06/2018 14:04

If you're not happy with her, find someone new, it's pretty simple really

Bramble71 · 28/06/2018 14:26

You clearly aren't happy with her work, OP. You're going through difficult times, both physically and emotionally, and I think you need someone you can rely on absolutely. I don't know whether some of the things you mention are OTT or not, as I've never taken care of very young kids, but they are clearly upsetting you and it seems like time to start looking for another childcarer.

BlueSapp · 28/06/2018 14:37

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Mia1415 · 28/06/2018 14:47

@BlueSapp - have you actually read the thread?

I agree with others. Fire the nanny and get someone who will help you and not add to your stress.

Floradoranora · 28/06/2018 15:23

Thank you for removing the ugly post MN.

MoreAndLess · 28/06/2018 15:27

I’m glad to see there have been a good few deletions. There were some unpleasant posts. 😕

jobbymcginty · 28/06/2018 15:33

I'm not from England and this site is not just for people from England so

ofa you are being very rude and ignorant

LiteraryDevil1 · 28/06/2018 15:35

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