To accuse my sister of theft?

[imsorrydarling]

My sister is 18 years of age. We have a 10 year age gap.

She is a compulsive liar and over something ‘miniscule’, hasn’t spoken to me in a few weeks. She lives with me.

Friday morning before I left for work, I had laid out my clothes for the evening, as I was meeting friends straight after. When I came home from work I noticed things had been moved about and my jacket was missing, alongside my lipstick and my LV pouch which I use as a clutch, wasn’t on my dresser which is its usual place. As I was running late I didn’t think much, just assumed I had misplaced the things and left.

Yesterday, I went into her room to ask her for something & on her bed I noticed some makeup palettes that I had ‘lost’ a few months ago. She admitted they were mine but had ‘borrowed’ them on Friday morning.

I questioned her about my jacket and she denied seeing it. I questioned her several times and she was adamant she had no idea what I was speaking about.

Later yesterday, I saw she had been tagged in a picture on Facebook, wearing my jacket. So she had lied to my face about it. I sent her the screenshot, she read my messages, but didn’t respond and ignored my calls. Later she text me saying she was sorry and was going to place the jacket back, didn’t think it was such a big deal because she wanted to borrow it.

It didn’t seem like a genuine or sincere apology, and when I asked her why she thought it was acceptable to lie to my face, to which I was ignored.

I didn’t get back home until late by the time she had gone to bed and my jacket was not hanging over the bannister.

Today I have searched the whole house and am unable to find my pouch / clutch which is missing. Of course I think she has it but she is denying it. I don’t believe her as she lies about everything, until she is caught out.

I know it’s only makeup, a jacket, a bag, but it’s the lying that has me so worked up. She lies about where she’s been, even when I’ve just genuinely asked. Hangs around with the wrong crowd, stays out until 3/4am and I don’t know where she’s been. My keys were missing for 2 weeks and surprise surprise she had them all this time. I found them yesterday and asked her where they had been, she responded she found them on the floor.

My bag is missing and it cost me a fair bit so I’m really annoyed.

mm. my middle dd was like this. we didnt have designer anything but she would just help herself to anything that was mine ir dd1s. drove me bonkers.
put a lick on your door and bill your dad for your property.

Your Father is enabling this behaviour,
She is 18, she can go & live with him now.
I would change the door lock. when she comes home tell her when you get your belongings back she can then have access, or
Have you got access to his flat/house? she can go & live there.
Do not let this pass,

You need to stop relying on your dad for discipline.

Sit her down and lay the law down. Either she replaces what she has stolen and nothing else goes missing or she moves out immediately. The includes the keyrings and the perfume that has been used.

If she doesn't have the funds right now, she needs to ask your dad ti divert her allowance to you to cover it. Remove the Macbook, put it somewhere she can't find it and tell her that you will sell it to replace your belongings if necessary.

Get a new lock and don't give her a key until everything is replaced. She can be in the house when you are in and will have to find somewhere else to be when you are out.

Don't turn to your dad for support. It's much easier to undermine you and know she is looked after than to take responsibility for managing her behaviour. He's taught her that she can get away with treating you like shit.

She is an adult and now needs to be accountable for the consequences of her actions. This is a lesson she needs to learn and you are likely to be a lot kinder than anyone else she does this to. Her housemates at uni will just call the police.

You are in the parent role and therefore need to act like the parent yourself.

I'd take a day off work and get a locksmith in to put a good lock on your door.

put a lock on your bedroom door.........or kick her out asap (changing door lock) and she can stay at a friends house til your dad gets back.

go through everything in her room to find your stuff.

If I were in your position, I'd have the locksmith out tomorrow putting a lock on my bedroom. Then I would thoroughly search her room once she went out.

I really feel for you OP

Be very careful taking the phone and laptop - if they are gifts and she can prove it, legally taking them could be theft. Selling them without her consent definitely would be.

You can legally kick her out (although I’d suggest checking with a solicitor what sort of notice you have to give) but I can’t see any legal basis on which you can take an adult housemate’s property just because that housemate is your sister. And no, the fact you gave the items to her makes no difference whatsoever.

Also, your Dad is quite right about the gold and if you start taking valuable property out of a bank vault that belongs to someone else, you will be lucky to stay out of prison if they press charges. Do not do this under any circumstances

At the moment you have the legal high ground. If you start taking her stuff you don’t. The only way you can legally seize property belonging to another person is if you have successfully sued them and won a court judgment against them.

Having said that, she sounds a nightmare to live with. Does your Dad have any accommodation in the U.K.? If so maybe she needs to move in there. Otherwise, locks on everything.

I absolutely think you are in the right here but she sounds like the sort of person who ‘knows her rights’ and won’t hesitate to call the police.

Why can't she go back to your Dad's house tonight? She is 18, she has an allowance, so what if he's away?

She needs to move out
Stealing is writing your own eviction notice

You either accuse her and packs her bags and only if you have prof

If not you have to say nothing

If she signed for the parcels it would say something to that effect on the Hermes website for tracking - can you still access the tracking link from the order emails and check? I believe they can provide you with the signature too.

Honestly tampering with your mail would be the final straw for me. It sucks feeling like your belongings aren’t secure in your own home! Imagine your own sister stealing your parcels/letters.

It really sounds like you need to turn her room upside down. This might sound ott, but could you arrange to be home when she isn’t? IE book a morning off work and get the locks changed and comb through everything in her room. If you have her phone, I would check eBay and Depop and see if any of your stuff is listed under her accounts.

At this point I would definitely take her MacBook. Have you taken her phone?

If you could take tomorrow off I would recommend it so you can get he house in order. Look online for a door lock and home safe you can go buy and install tomorrow for your bedroom.
Tell her it's your house and if she doesn't like it she can ask your father to buy her a ticket and she can go to him.
Tell him he needs to pay to replace your missing belonging and if he doesn't respect that you are the one dealing with your sister and he should back you, then he should get on a plane and come get her or fly her out to him.
Lay down the law that if she doesn't return your things and learn to respect you then she can finish college and move out.
It's hard and horrible to deal with but you shouldn't have to pander to her because your dad does.

Also at 18 she could be self sufficient. Therefore she can cope moving in with your dad and being alone at the house when he’s away.

You're in an abusive relationship :(

Is she selling your stuff to friends or on eBay?

I'd throw her out. She's a user.

I'd book a morning off work but leave as normal before going back in and going through her room and any other potential hidey-holes with a fine toothed comb.

I doubt it would be a fruitless morning.

I'm astonished that your dad isn't paying YOU to keep her? He seems to have abdicated his responsibility towards her. She's effectively lost both her mum and dad, so no wonder she's morally adrift and fragile. This isn't your fault however, even if you've been the one left with responsibility for her.

I would get a lock for my door in the meantime, and lay out some clear ground rules. Reassure her that she has a home with you for as long as she obeys them. And if she doesn't, she goes back to Dad.

And tell your dad that he needs to man up and be a proper father. Which means paying financial support directly to YOU, and emotional support for her.

Analysing writing styles suggests someone's actually looking to find a fault.

Your dad needs to be a parent and stop favouritising her. You are doing them both a favour, even more so given her behaviour. I would tell him he has until tuesday night to sort something out or you will take her to the council as homeless on wednesday.

Harsh but she has shown she cares little for your belongings, your relationship and you. Your dad has demonstrated the same.

At the very least she has no respect for you, she’s taking all your stuff because she genuinely doesn’t give a fuck about you/your feelings. Think about it, she’s been stroppy and stopped talking to you - but in the meantime your room and belongings are perfectly fine for her to pilfer and to use?

She is selling your stuff. Guaranteed. This goes way beyond the usual sisters borrowing things. She is angry because she has been caught out as a thief and liar - not a title anyone wants. From right now she loses every single priviliege you have afforded her; no Wi-Fi, no more paying her phone bills, no more gifts. She would have her marching orders if it was me, she either returns to her Dad's empty place or moves in with someone else and pays her own way. It is up to you how much time you give her for this, but a lock would be on my door and I would be taking every single thing I owned from used make up to clothes to electrical items from her room and bag and locking them away until she went. I'm all for helping people through tough times, but you don't shit on the people who help you the most, and you certainly don't assault them. Good luck OP, don't take any crap from your Dad passing the buck, he seems to have neatly and happily detached himself and avoided parenting, about time he stepped up.

You are genuinely a great sister. There aren't many people who would take on this responsibility and I am sorry that this is how your sister has treated you

I’m starting to think what if she’s signed for them and kept them to herself????

Of course she has :(

Put a lock on your door, change the WiFi password, the usual. Don’t pay bills for her, tell her to get a bloody job. Strip the bathroom and keep your stuff locked up. Send her to her mates til you’ve done this and totally raid her room. I have zero sympathy for thieves.

Did you get your jacket back?

Yes I did get my jacket back. She had left it on the bannister last night when I got in.

I asked her whether she had specifically gone into my room for that jacket & she said yes as she had seen me wearing it and had liked it.

I hate liars and it’s upset me as since our mum died I have been there for her in every where possible. I always made sure she was well looked after emotionally too.

We were really close growing up as I had always wanted a sister. Our birthdays are 3 days apart too.

It’s really disappointing.

She's 18, she can live on her own now. If you have a key to your dad's house, drop her there with a bag and change your locks. Drop the rest of her crap there once you've gone through it to find your missing things.

Take the day off work, get a lock Smith to put a lock on your bedroom door and also change the front door lock. She can’t be trusted to come and go as she pleases so she will have to knock. While off turn the bedroom upside down for everything that is yours, remove all privileges as if she was your child not your sibling. She wants clean clothes? She washes them, hell you could even make her buy her own washing powder, clean plates? She best wash some. Only basic food in the cupboards and fridge keep the good stuff stashed in your bedroom.

If she kicks off or assaults you again kick her out.