To accuse my sister of theft?

[imsorrydarling]

My sister is 18 years of age. We have a 10 year age gap.

She is a compulsive liar and over something ‘miniscule’, hasn’t spoken to me in a few weeks. She lives with me.

Friday morning before I left for work, I had laid out my clothes for the evening, as I was meeting friends straight after. When I came home from work I noticed things had been moved about and my jacket was missing, alongside my lipstick and my LV pouch which I use as a clutch, wasn’t on my dresser which is its usual place. As I was running late I didn’t think much, just assumed I had misplaced the things and left.

Yesterday, I went into her room to ask her for something & on her bed I noticed some makeup palettes that I had ‘lost’ a few months ago. She admitted they were mine but had ‘borrowed’ them on Friday morning.

I questioned her about my jacket and she denied seeing it. I questioned her several times and she was adamant she had no idea what I was speaking about.

Later yesterday, I saw she had been tagged in a picture on Facebook, wearing my jacket. So she had lied to my face about it. I sent her the screenshot, she read my messages, but didn’t respond and ignored my calls. Later she text me saying she was sorry and was going to place the jacket back, didn’t think it was such a big deal because she wanted to borrow it.

It didn’t seem like a genuine or sincere apology, and when I asked her why she thought it was acceptable to lie to my face, to which I was ignored.

I didn’t get back home until late by the time she had gone to bed and my jacket was not hanging over the bannister.

Today I have searched the whole house and am unable to find my pouch / clutch which is missing. Of course I think she has it but she is denying it. I don’t believe her as she lies about everything, until she is caught out.

I know it’s only makeup, a jacket, a bag, but it’s the lying that has me so worked up. She lies about where she’s been, even when I’ve just genuinely asked. Hangs around with the wrong crowd, stays out until 3/4am and I don’t know where she’s been. My keys were missing for 2 weeks and surprise surprise she had them all this time. I found them yesterday and asked her where they had been, she responded she found them on the floor.

My bag is missing and it cost me a fair bit so I’m really annoyed.

[AForegoneConclusion]

Time to lay it on the line with her. She shapes up, returns all your items, or she moves out. No more second chances. She clearly has no respect for you at all. In the meantime, lock on your door, put away all your valuable items and take back the Apple items. Once ALL of your things are returned -with an apology- you can consider the future. Until then she is out on her arse. Have you considered she is selling stuff?

[eddielizzard]

I dunno. She's obviously in a bad place. Lost her mum, dad letting her down with emotional support, you're the only one in her corner it seems. She sounds like she's going off the rails. I think I'd be laying down some very clear ground rules with the clear consequence that if she breaks them she goes back to dad. But you have to follow through.

Acknowledge her difficulties. Listen. And then state your case. Explain that it's your home and you don't feel your things are safe and it's a horrible feeling. You want her around, but you don't want her nicking your stuff.

Can she see a way through? Get her to agree to rules. If you impose them they won't work. Get her onside with a shared vision of future.

Well that's what I would try anyway.

[agedknees]

If you don’t get the bag back sell her phone and MacBook. I hate thieves and liars. She needs to grow up.

[EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard]

Your father has responsibility for her, beyond her own personal responsibility. You need to do more than talk to them both, you need to make your position quite clear.

[imsorrydarling]

I understand she lost her Mum. We both did. However that’s not an excuse to behave this way. She’s not had any financially difficulty, always had support from both Dad and I. Spoilt by my Dad all her life, since she was a baby.

I’ve always encouraged the truth and with a 10 year age gap between us, I’ve had plenty to share in regards to ‘been there done that.’

Ive always let her have things of mine to keep. Clothes, shoes, everything. So there was no reason for her to steal from me.

Stealing and then lying to me has really hurt me.

I asked her for her phone and did say until my items are returned, I would keep it.

She yelled in my face, called me a bitch, pushed me and slammed the door.

[agedknees]

Theft and assault? Send her back to your dad.

[Whocansay]

I would send her back to your dad. The trust has gone and she has no respect for you.

This is nothing to do with the death of your mother. This is who she is.

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

You are being too soft , she needs to learn that there will be consequences to her actions.

[diddl]

"18 year olds all nick clothes of their sisters,"

of course they don't!

She has treated you horribly Op.

It would perhaps do you both good to have a break from each other.

[Thehop]

Is it time for her to go back to your dad now childcare isnt an issue?

You’ve done more than your bit

[AForegoneConclusion]

Nope. That would be me done. Ring your dad and say she will be coming back to him tomorrow. I don't have any sympathy for thieves and even less for those who resort to physical violence. You have done and put up with more than you should have and needed to.

[NewYearNewMe18]

Well, she's pushing boundaries .. he mothers gone, her father clearly is chucking money at the situation but no support … she's going to do all sorts of poor behaviour to see if people love her. That's what kids do.

[KeepServingTheDrinks]

I feel for both of you. for you BOTH due to your losses. You were both way too young to lose your mum.

However, this current arrangement isn't working for you now. I'm with the sit her down and talk to her camp. She needs to understand that now she's an adult she needs to treat you and your stuff with respect or else to move out.

[imsorrydarling]

I’ve spoken to my Dad. He’s working in the Middle East and won’t be back until the 28th of July.

She’s already called him and cried etc.

I felt as if he’s implying I’m overreacting and being dramatic over nothing. Dad has always had a very relaxed approach when it comes to my sister.

I told him about my bag and said if it isn’t returned I will sell some of her share of gold and replace my bag.

My mother’s gold was divided between my sister and I when she died and it’s in a secure vault.

Dad said I have no right over the gold even though he divided it between us sisters. He says since he paid for it I can’t do anything to it.

I’m getting really fed up now.

[lhastingsmua]

Sisters might borrow each other’s stuff all the time, but not necessarily to this extent? The problem here is lying about it, never giving things back, other things going missing etc. If there’s only two members of the household, logically it could only be the sister taking the items if OP has searched high and low to no avail. Also Louis Vuitton can be expensive - it’s not really the sort of item you borrow without asking and never return. Unless OP has a massive designer bag collection, she’d obviously notice it was missing.

[crispysausagerolls]

If your dad isn’t supporting you then you need to get even tougher - go into her room and take her laptop and phone (maybe wait until she uses the loo next?). Alternatively tell her she needs to go and stay with a friend until your dad gets back. Not your fucking problem who. This is outrageous behaviour.

[CisTerfsAreDoinItForTheShelves]

She’s a liar and a thief. Kick her out. It’s a no brainer.

[lhastingsmua]

If you’re dad is of no assistance, tell your sister that you’re not happy with the current living situation and she’ll need to move out if things don’t improve sharply.

In the meantime, get a lock on your door. It’s as simple as changing the door handle/lock barrel. God knows what else she is rooting through.

If you want, sell her MacBook/phone but this will create a lot of resentment. However to be frank, this is exactly what your dad is saying to you in regards to the gold (I paid for it so I have the ultimate say.)- so he’s set the precedent for you to sell her stuff!

I would root through her room/makeup to find your other missing stuff if you like.

[imsorrydarling]

The reason why I believe she’s taken the LV is because of the monogram logo. I have a fair share of ‘designer’ bags, however none of them as recognisable as the LV.

It’s always sat on my dresser so it would have been easier for her to grab, rather than go through wardrobes and drawers.

She’s had all weekend to own up to it. I had a brief look in her room when she went to the bathroom and I can’t see it.

Either she’s buried it somewhere deep in her room, or she’s lost it, or a friend has it.

[imsorrydarling]

Found two of my perfumes in her school bag. One is near enough empty. The other one is half empty.

[NoFucksImAQueen]

if your dad is going to keep defending her tell him he can have her back!

[imsorrydarling]

My house keys had been missing for around two weeks. I like statement pieces / accessories so my keys were gold and pink patterned with loads of exotic looking keyrings on it. We have a key hook in the passageway. I found my keys on the coffee table yesterday, missing all of the key rings. My sister claimed that she’d found the keys on the floor with non of the key rings attached.

[lhastingsmua]

Annoying. I’d start to research locksmiths.

Did you take the perfume back or are you just going to leave it?

[lhastingsmua]

Do you think there’s a chance that she’s selling your stuff off? Or that she’s given stuff to her mates?

[imsorrydarling]

I left the empty one in her bag and have taken the other one.

Don’t want to go to work tomorrow because of this. God knows what else she’s been taking or has of mine.

There have been incidents when hermes have claimed to have delivered packages when I’ve not been home but I’ve never received them.

I’m starting to think what if she’s signed for them and kept them to herself????