How bad is this?

[Looneytune253]

My daughter (13) just told me that one of the boys in her class told her she shouldn’t take her jumper off in the hot classroom because he could see her bra and it was distracting? Why do boys think this kind of comment is ok and that girls should cover up so they can control themselves or is this boy just a pervert? Is this common. AIBU to make a big complaint to the school or is it relatively minor?

I think this is a type of banter and not unusual for kids that age. I wouldn’t complain

She needs some quick responses.
A boy told my dd she had a head like a tic tac (?!) she told him his was like a rugby ball and walked away. No more comments.
Like maybe his ugly face was distracting??

isnt it normal? sorry but i remember having comments being made when it was no school uniform day and you could see me bra through my top.

How will kids know this is unacceptable if it's not mentioned? I'd raise it with her teacher.

Ew really. Is the general consensus that it’s normal? I’m really surprised. Seems like the beginnings of a pervert to me (and I’m not one to make a big deal out of modern issues usually)

you absolutely SHOULD complain. BANTER?? really? comments like his (and like Melliegrantfirstlady) contribute to rape culture, where girls/women are conditioned to believe that THEY are responsible for men's actions. the boy should be taught that his way of thinking isn't healthy. otherwise he might be 'grabbing women by the ' and have it excused as just 'locker room talk'

On the flip side...do you want your daughter to think it's okay to have your bra showing in school anyway?

It may have made them feel uncomfortable.

I am not defending these boys but trying to see it from both sides x

was completely normal in my secondary school, and most i imagine.

Just because it’s ‘normal’ doesn’t make it right

On the flip side...do you want your daughter to think it's okay to have your bra showing in school anyway?

The straps show through a shirt.

@strawberrylove but you can pretty much always see a bra thru a blouse. Should she never take a jumper off just in case the boys can’t control themselves?

I would be inclined to tell her to say 'so what'. A bra isn't something shameful and sometimes straps and outlines are visible. Boys can be gits so strong retorts and resilience are best.

It's a bra! Unless it was some form of dominatrix leather strapped affair with flashing lights on it there is no reason how it could possibly distract anyone. Your DD should definitely mention the boys comments to a teacher

I would be complaining, and I’d teach her to say along the lines of ‘if you can’t possibly control yourself when confronted with the sight of a fully clothed female then I suggest you keep your eyes shut.’

I wouldn't be normalising it and I'd be teaching her that others inabilities to manage their own behaviour isn't her issue

Complain! Can't believe the comments here, just because it happened to some of you at school doesn't mean it's bloody normal.

@strawberrylove You can see even a white or nude bra through a white shirt.

The boy needs to get a fucking grip.

i get on the bus everyday with teenagers believe me these comments and much worse are said daily.

Beginnings of a pervert!!! - now I've heard it all!!

I'd not go in all guns blazing but I would make the form tutor aware that this boy is making inappropriate comments.

Arm your dd with some decent comebacks - she will encounter many more little twats in her life, sadly.

i get on the bus everyday with teenagers believe me these comments and much worse are said daily.

Oh that makes it ok then..

He was flirting with her. I couldn't get worked up over this. A pervert? Worlds gone mad.

Boys used to grab our bra straps to ping against our backs. I developed very quickly and had plenty of comments from boys about my breasts. I’m not saying it’s right but it has happened for many years. I agree with PP about arming your DD with good comebacks.

How is a bra strap showing distracting? Was it talking to him or something? Clearly that boy is not paying enough attention in class if he's so easily distracted.
Your dd can do what see likes with her jumper, it's not her fault the silly little twerp can't control himself. If he makes another comment she needs to tell the teacher that he's making her feel uncomfortable.
Jesus can't believe people think it's to be expected.
My son would never be so rude. He has the utmost respect for girls and would never make them feel so uncomfortable.

To people saying they don't see the harm, would you feel the same if a male colleague said this to you in the workplace?

Unless she took her bra off and wrapped it around his face, I fail to see a) how it can be distracting and b) the need for him to make a comment on it.