How bad is this?

[Looneytune253]

My daughter (13) just told me that one of the boys in her class told her she shouldn’t take her jumper off in the hot classroom because he could see her bra and it was distracting? Why do boys think this kind of comment is ok and that girls should cover up so they can control themselves or is this boy just a pervert? Is this common. AIBU to make a big complaint to the school or is it relatively minor?

and this is why we have to tell our sons to never ever compliment a woman about her appearance, ever, never touch a woman even to help her out if she falls, never even look at them.

Big difference between helping a woman up if she's fallen, and commenting that her bra is a distraction

Some posters will not be happy until all men are wearing a burqa and not allowed to raise their eyes.

Who are these posters? Not seen any of them on this thread. Just posters who are trying to teach their sons basic manners and their daughters not to put up with any shit.

The term hysterical does come to mind on here

Yes it does. As in, the leap from

"Boys shouldn't tell girls their clothes distract them"

to

"Boys shouldn't help girls who fall over and should never look at girls"

was hysterical.

You can teach both your children basic manners, complain to a teacher who will give the inappropriate child some detention without the need to see a pervert or a sexual abuser at every corner.

Let's face it, if I ever hear a mother come up with so much nonsense in RL, my kids (boy or girl) will equally be banned from even talking to the children to preserve them from so much hysterics and drama.

My daughters will never be raised scared of their own shadow, feeling like victims in a world full of abusers. Why would anyone sane do that to their girls?

DiegoMadonna
you miss the word "touching" my dear, the comment was about touching a girl... never mind, it's a hard concept

Let's face it, if I ever hear a mother come up with so much nonsense in RL, my kids (boy or girl) will equally be banned from even talking to the children to preserve them from so much hysterics and drama

Cool. So in fact you would be telling your boy not to make comments like in the OP?

Great - happier for all, no?

You might not have noticed bulling by girls, maybe you were part of it, maybe you were completely obtuse to it, so it means it doesn't exist?

That has nothing to do with this scenario.
Just because some girls can be bullies doesnt make it ok for a male to be a bully/make comments on a girls clothing and expect them to cover up for their benefit in a hot classroom.

Ignoring whats happening and minimising it purely 'because when I was young, girls do xyz, he is just having 'banter' or worse he is 'flirting' etc.' doesnt help us educate young men that this sort of crap is not acceptable in any situation.

No wonder men think they can get away with this crap when even women are minimising it and making excuses for them. If any of my sons said that I would be mortified. Thankfully they know how to talk to girls without mentioning their underclothes!

My daughters will never be raised scared of their own shadow, feeling like victims in a world full of abusers. Why would anyone sane do that to their girls?

Ah but that's one of the central pillars of feminism. Women can only ever be victims in this world.

How the fuck is her bra meant to not be on show when the bloody school uniform is a stupid white shirt you can see through.

It's bad enough uniforms are basically designed to humiliate girls amd remibd them they are so very lucky to even be there without the boys being allowed to make them responsible for their own inability to focus on what they are supposed to be doing.

Complain definately.

And fyi I am also teaching my girls to not comment on other people's underwear/clothing etc I wouldn't tolerate it from them either

Who said anything about raising girls to be scared? I'm raising mine to know what's acceptable and what isn't. Same with my son.

My 8 yo daughter is about as feisty as they come, and I'm going to do all I can to ensure that isn't squashed out of her by a society that thinks she should put up or shut up, and cover up!

You cant control other peoples actions or behaviours so why would you not teach your daughters to stand up for themselves? A swift fuck off and taking her jumper off anyway would have dealt with that problem.

At the end of the day, a school is not an appropriate place to have your underwear on show, male or female. Why should a boy be made to feel uncomfortable?
She can be proud of being a girl and proud of who she is without showing her bra. To say that she shouldn't have to cover up is a tad ridiculous. So I should be able to walk around a school with my bra on show and that be totally acceptable? I don't think so.

And before you all start I am in no way inciting that women should be blamed for rape etc etc im not going down that road. Im simply saying, if you don't like the fact that people can see your bra and don't want people to comment on it. Then don't show your bra. It really is that simple.

Whats she supposed to do then when even a white or nude bra is visible through the very shirts they are forced to wear

I also think it's perfectly teach your daughter to make the decision in telling them where to go.

But I still think that any children/adults should have their underwear on show.

Maybe she have offered her jumper to him so he could cover his delicate eyes

*could have offered

@Gileswithachainsaw buy a thicker shirt? Do the school have a summer uniform? Maybe she should wear that? Not all of the girls must have their bras on show otherwise you've got a safeguarding issue haven't you.

Thicker shirt?

Tell the sodding school then . You know the ones that dictate you have to buy the logo shirt at three times the price of supermarket items ...

You can always see crop tops and bras through all the shirts I've seen.

Bras have always shown through blouses. Its just the nature of blouses. A bra is there to cover and support breasts. So now girls need extra cover to cover their breast covers? Madness.

You would hate me. I never wear a bra and my breasts are sometimes visible t work. No one comments because i would bite their head off. As long as my top is appropriate i dont care.

JacquesHammer
Cool. So in fact you would be telling your boy not to make comments like in the OP? where did you read posters writing that the comment was acceptable? It's the over reaction and calling him a pervert which is ridiculous.

You can't claim equality and play the weak victim card, every time someone is trying to portray us as lower or weaker we go backward. Just teach your kids to stand up for themselves, regardless of the gender.

I never wear a bra and my breasts are sometimes visible t work.
In most offices, you will end up with a friendly warning from HR to a written warning if you don't correct your wardrobe. It's a totally inappropriate and unprofessional image in most work places. Strappy tops and open toes sandals are usually banned, boobs on show will be too!

@MarthaArthur but that is the difference. I couldn't care less if you had you boobs on show or not. I don't necessarily think a school would be an appropriate place to do that but anywhere else. Who cares. The difference is, if someone said something to you "you'd bite their head off". If you don't like the comments that might be made to you and you don't want to fight back then the simple solution is don't show your bra. I'm not saying men are entitled to say those comments. They're not. But if you don't like it and you don't want to hear it then don't show it. Simple.

n most offices, you will end up with a friendly warning from HR to a written warning if you don't correct your wardrobe. It's a totally inappropriate and unprofessional image in most work places. Strappy tops and open toes sandals are usually banned, boobs on show will be too

No strappy tops here. Fully covered but the shape of my breasts and nipples appatent under the fabric. No one says nything at work because they cant. Im dressed appropriately and i own breasts. Much like ops daughters bra showing through her blouse is not inappropriate.

You still haven't offered a solution for the girls who have to wear shirts and shouldn't have to roast in class unable to remove a jumper or blazer or by having to wear nore layers underneath which no doubt will also be thought of as underwear and commented on...

Strawberry its not a difference. Women have breasts. Women have bras. Sometimes bras are visible through blouses. All white blouses have n element of seethrough. And boys dont wear bras under theirs.