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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How bad is this?

211 replies

Looneytune253 · 15/06/2018 10:25

My daughter (13) just told me that one of the boys in her class told her she shouldn’t take her jumper off in the hot classroom because he could see her bra and it was distracting? Why do boys think this kind of comment is ok and that girls should cover up so they can control themselves or is this boy just a pervert? Is this common. AIBU to make a big complaint to the school or is it relatively minor?

OP posts:
crazycatgal · 15/06/2018 13:11

@strawberrylove How are you missing the point? Even white and nude bras show through school shirts.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 15/06/2018 13:15

Fully covered but the shape of my breasts and nipples appatent under the fabric. No one says nything at work because they cant. Im dressed appropriately and i own breasts.
That's the point, you are not dressed appropriately, and in my office, you would be told to cover up, and so would a man with his nipples showing through a too-thin shirt.

We all own nipples, and shoulders, armpits and toes, male or female, it doesn't make it appropriate or accepted to show them at work.

In most interviews, you would be rejected without any further comment, and in many places you would be warned. I am not pretending that some workplaces are more casual than others, if no one cares in yours, everybody is happy.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/06/2018 13:18

I've also seen plenty of men with nipples visible (in cold weather) and seen tattoos through shirts. In fact some men jave bigger boobs than i do.

Until shirts are seen as the go to item for office wear then men and women are going to have this problem.

As an adult I don't comment nor stare it's not hard

strawberrylove · 15/06/2018 13:19

Hmmm not sure how I managed to get through school then without showing my bra and plenty of other girls in my school 🙄 Perhaps you need to invest in a better shirt or complain about uniform policy. This boy does not have a right to comment on her bra as I've said. So she can either stand up for herself, not give a stuff about what he's said and reply so what it's just a bra or she can make sure her bra is not on show. Those are her 3 options.

Simple. Going now because I'm bored of going round in circles with women who I'm never going to agree with. And I have to go back to work (bra not on show just incase you're wondering!) 🤪

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/06/2018 13:23

Yeah every school is just going to stop demanding kids wear uniform when everyone seems to be so for it.

I have never ever seen a school shirt where bras aren't visible. Never. They are already stupid prices for thin shirts imagine how much these thicker shirts will cos..

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 15/06/2018 13:26

I am not sure that some people realise that not demanding a uniform means the kids are allowed to wear anything and everything. If nothing else, it leads to a lot more issues and complaints.

strawberrylove · 15/06/2018 13:30

Who said anything about not wearing uniform?

At the end of the day, he shouldn't have commented on her bra. She has those 3 options or complain to the school for a summer uniform which doesn't involve a white shirt. We started a petition in school because we wanted trousers as part of girls uniform. We got them. Happy days.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/06/2018 13:32

Or we could just not give a shit and grow the hell up and learn to deal with the fact that shock horror girls and women wear bras and men wear boxers and occasionally evidence may be visible.

ThePeasantsAreAtTheGates · 15/06/2018 13:34

I would say something like "Oh no you can see my bra? How embarrassing! Mind you not as embarrassing as having your face."

strawberrylove · 15/06/2018 13:36

@Gileswithachainsaw I think you need to calm down lol. Don't be so sensitive. My opinion is NOONES underwear should be on show in school. That's it. Don't like my opinion? That's fine with me. Have a nice day. 😊

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 15/06/2018 13:39

Who said anything about not wearing uniform?

this?
every school is just going to stop demanding kids wear uniform when everyone seems to be so for it.

I think at 13 a child should start to be taught how to answer back and not always run to mummy and the teacher when someone bothers them.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/06/2018 13:40

And im.saying it's pretty impossible not to. When you try and squeeze multiple people of different heights weights shapes and breast size etc into a few selected approved items it's just not gonna happen.. .

JacquesHammer · 15/06/2018 13:40

I think at 13 a child should start to be taught how to answer back and not always run to mummy and the teacher when someone bothers them

Funny I think at 13 a boy should be capable of not commenting on a girl’s underwear.

Why is it the girl who has to deal with it, rather than the boy just stopping the behaviour?

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 15/06/2018 13:44

who said it couldn't be both? Again, where did you say anyone condoning the boy? If you refuse to take care of yourself because others shouldn't be acting a certain way, you won't go far in life.

Its funny how you are trying to twist things around Grin

QuinionsRainbow · 15/06/2018 13:46

If she's self conscious of her bra showing, she could consider wearing a vest underneath her school shirt.

Most school-kids don't wear vests even in the middle of winter, so why should girls need to wear vests in the middle of summer just so the boys don't comment about their bras. And if they did wear vests, no doubt the boys would start commenting on that as well.

JacquesHammer · 15/06/2018 13:47

Again, where did you say anyone condoning the boy?

Where did I say that in my last post?

Its funny how you are trying to twist things around

Irony called. They want their definition back

MysticFlyTrap · 15/06/2018 13:54

Your daughter should tell him to overt his eyes away. A bra showing through a blouse is very common even a white bra. So a girl should remain sweltering because a boy can't keep his attention focused elsewhere.

How would this read if it was about a 13 year old girl telling a boy he can't wear shorts as she can't stop looking at his boxers through his leg.....
The boy would still wear those shorts and tell her to stop being pervy.

Floeer · 15/06/2018 13:58

A suggestion for your DD (after this is bought up with the school) would be to get her to raise her hand for the teacher's attention and say

"Can you please move [boy's name] to the front of the class, he has told me he finds my clothing distracting and I believe it be better for both our education if he can have me out of his line of sight"

CatherineTheTiny · 15/06/2018 14:02

Her bra is showing through her shirt? Someone better call Victoria and tell her that her secret is out 🙄

MostlyInnocent · 15/06/2018 14:02

OP. Oh come on! Complain about what. I suspect the boy fancies your daughter and was probably flirting (possibly badly) with your DD. As for being a pervert? Really, 13 year old boy find 13 year old girl's breasts attractive. Who'd athought it?

crispysausagerolls · 15/06/2018 14:03

*I bet there are some gay girls in the school, bet she doesn't have to deal with humiliating remarks from them, does she

Is this a joke? We had a lesbian in our glass who fancied a close friend of mine and made her EXTREMELY uncomfortable with a lot of overt advances and sexual comments. Both genders are capable of this type of behaviour, and it’s appalling to just assume a woman couldn’t possibly be perverse. THAT is sexist, against women as much as men.

What do you all want? Do you want men to feel completely ashamed and frightened of even daring to approach a girl? Would it be better if men were mute until a female made it clear SHE was interested? I can think of the girls at my school having said far more disgusting things, to each other and to the boys for attention. I would also be very sad to think a man couldn’t approach me or try to flirt because he was scared of being called a pervert or a rapist.

As it is, when my son comes of age I will not be letting him out and about without consent forms to give to women.

Mrsredwine · 15/06/2018 14:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JacquesHammer · 15/06/2018 14:11

Really, 13 year old boy find 13 year old girl's breasts attractive. Who'd athought it?

That isn’t the issue. What is the issue is the boy making it the girl’s problem.

My DD is 11 and extremely physically mature. Should she have to deal with comments about wearing a bra?

I had a mum say to me “god I wouldn’t let my daughter out if she looked like that” 🙄

Mishappening · 15/06/2018 14:15

"Serious repercussions" - you have to be joking!!

These are the normal sort of rather ham-fisted and gauche comments that are exchanged when children are becoming more sexually aware. He is not a pervert and should not be made to feel bad about himself at a very sensitive time. Just ignore the whole thing and let them work out how to interact by trial and error. A lot of damage can be done by over-reacting.

JacquesHammer · 15/06/2018 14:16

He is not a pervert and should not be made to feel bad about himself at a very sensitive time. Just ignore the whole thing and let them work out how to interact by trial and error

And what if OP’s DD feels bad? Or should she just have to suck that up?

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