How bad is this?

[Looneytune253]

My daughter (13) just told me that one of the boys in her class told her she shouldn’t take her jumper off in the hot classroom because he could see her bra and it was distracting? Why do boys think this kind of comment is ok and that girls should cover up so they can control themselves or is this boy just a pervert? Is this common. AIBU to make a big complaint to the school or is it relatively minor?

She should've said to him 'sorry for you being uncomfortable, I forget that the only bra you've ever seen is your mum's and even that excites you' (preferably in front of his pals) and then told the teacher what he'd said.

Our of curiously, do women have the right to comment on other women’s appearance?

No.

But there's nothing wrong with complimenting as long as the receiver is ok with it and it's not something like your boobs looks great today.

As a teacher I'd want to know if one of my students said this. Just so we could discuss it and talk about why it wasn't appropriate and that she is allowed to be physically comfortable etc.

Obviously if he continued then things would progress further then a discussion.

She should've said to him 'sorry for you being uncomfortable, I forget that the only bra you've ever seen is your mum's and even that excites you' (preferably in front of his pals) and then told the teacher what he'd said

That's totally inappropriate. I doubt the girl would have any valid reason to then go to the teacher if she had responded like that.

@MrsBartlettforthewin

Your message gave me hope that things might i deed be getting better. Thank you. If I could have been sure that the teachers would have listened to me and help diffuse the situation, my life as a teenager would have been a lot more pleasant.

Finallyhere so sorry to here you didn't feel you could talk to your teachers.

I've always felt it was a vital part of my job that students should feel they could talk to me and know I'd do everything I could to help.

It is normal in secondary schools unfortunately, but boys need to learn, very quickly, that it's absolutely not acceptable! DD needs some quick responses to shut these kind of comments off. A swift 'oh do fuck off' would probably work as well.

He sounds like a real little shit

This is a really good opportunity to help teach her to stand up for herself with a few scathing / witty comebacks.

There are lots of little shits out there that need putting in their place. He'll soon learn not to mess with her.

I was sexually harassed at work when I was younger and it took me a while to even recognise it because I thought it was just what males do.

Really important point Marmee - "brushing this sort of offensive behaviour aside as "boys will be boys" is condoning and indeed, encouraging it. It means that women find it hard to fight because most people don't notice it any more than a fish notices the water - it's just the way things are.

WELL, IT SHOULDN'T BE!