Saddened about DH’s response about downsizing

[Vanessatiger]

Basically I haven’t slept well for nearly four years, with two under 4. I manage our quite big house, making sure all my husband’s shirts are ironed (by the housekeeper), beer in the fridge every evening before he comes home.

He’s currently in a different continent to sort out his mother’s will and other legalities (she passed 4 months ago and lived in a different continent). He called me on facetime, we talked a bit and then I said I’m not happy in this big house taking care of the children and then you’re not home. I said I wanted to downsize (something he’s heard before). I said he should support me. He loves this house and wouldn’t consider moving.
Then he told me we can talk seriously when he comes back then I can go and have the life that I want. Basically he thinks we should break up if I am not happy with the way that we live.
I guess I am not.
He assigned me a chaffeur but I told him I don’t want that, so will get rid of him. He thinks there’s little work for me to do since we have a housekeeper cleaning etc. but i think managing people is a full time work per se. I’d like to move to a two beds where I can clean myself. He wouldn’t have it.

I’m utterly unhappy, what should I do?

Maybe wait until your partner is in the same continent as you and not while he's going through the loss of his mother before making all the big decisions on your own and stressing him more?

oh god you have a housekeeper and a chauffeur and you are whinging about your house being too big...………….

wow

Sorry for sounding spoiled. I am just not happy living the way we do.

This has got to be a wind up surely 😂

This is a wind up, isn’t it?

I don't think a FaceTime conversation when he's sorting out his mother's estate is really the best time for something so heavy.

Have you seen your Gp about sleep problems or addressed them yourself in anyway?

If you're that unhappy and your husband won't budge after you've discussed it properly then you should make steps to leave and start again. Life is too short to stay in a marriage where your views are dismissed.

so move out into a two bed on your own and clean it yourself?

Is this for real?

I think your timing is pretty poor, he is not even on the same continent as you because his mother has passed away and your adding to that stress by whinging the house is too big and you want to move .

I would take a step back and realise you have a very privileged life, if this is your only problem then you re very fortunate indeed. If you don't like managing the 'staff' maybe find a job which will give you a purpose outside of the house.

I hope you have a hard hat OP. Most people don't have staff you know. If this is actually real then I would say that you should probably wait till he's not sorting out his deceased mothers estate. Not exactly the nicest time to make someone make more life changing decisions.

I agree with @jaxtellerswife. Cut him some slack, he's got a lot on at the moment and you should be supporting him.

I'm actually creased up

Oh don't be so harsh folks. The nanny has been off work recently too. Ok how did your chat with her go? You didn't update us yet.

It's your life, do as you please.

Are your diamond shoes too tight as well op

The nanny has been off work recently too.

I assume that is from another thread the OP has posted? In which case how the heck can you be sleep deprived when you have a nanny?

Don’t be ridiculous - managing domestic staff isn’t a full time job. You’d be even more miserable in a small house, especially when the DC get bigger and take over. Why don’t you spend some money on getting your children’s sleep sorted out? Or go back to work?

I feel sorry for your DH - he is sorting out his DM's affairs when she has passed away and is another continent and you have a moan about your home. That's unacceptable even if you hate the place. Wait until he's home, has had chance to recover/relax a bit and then bring it up if you must.

I don't see why the size of the house stops you sleeping. If you feel it's stress perhaps you need to manage it more efficiently (lists, electronic calendar, apps etc.).

Nanny, chauffeur and housekeeper.

And making sure beer is in the fridge. Even when husband is in a different continent.

It's hard work don't you know?

Assuming this is real, why would you wait till he's half a world away freaking with his dead mothers stuff to bring it up again? We're you going he'd just agree because he can't deal with it?

Get rid of the chauffeur, get rid of the house keeper, keep the cleaner. Now you have one person who comes in a free times a week and doesn't need a full time manager so you'll have time to do the ironing etc.

It's a full-time job telling the housekeeper to iron shirts & stick the hoover round (which I'm guessing she'll know to do anyway) and communicating with the chauffeur? Actually it isn't. And it isn't nice to bother him with that when he's in another country sorting out his dead mother's estate.
Wait till he gets home, then have a chat. But be prepared to find yourself on your own having to actually work full-time and then look after the kids afterwards, and not have time to do your cleaning. The grass is not always greener on the other side.

Surely this is a joke?? Managing two members of staff is a full time job?? Christ alive. If that’s the case, fire them and hire help who don’t require micromanaging every second of the damn day.