Already know AIBU about baby sleeping

[Murane]

DH took the baby (3 months old) to give me two hours break. I'm exhausted because he sleeps about 6 hours at night and only has a couple of 20 minute naps during the day, and it's full-on exhausting trying to entertain him for 18 hours a day. I figured I'd have two hours sleep while DH wore him out, and then when I got him back he'd be tired, and DH would finally understand how exhausting it is looking after him.

He went to sleep
So now I've got him back and not only is he wide awake, DH has absolutely no idea how hard it is looking after him. And I've wasted my chance of having him looked after on a period when he was asleep and didn't need looking after anyway. I could have just had him myself, he'd have been asleep and DH could have had him on a different two hours when he actually needs looking after.

I have literally cried my eyes out. I know it isn't DH's fault that the baby went to sleep. But I was desperate for him to understand how ill and exhausted I feel, and he doesn't. And I was desperate for the baby to be sleepy when I got him back, but instead he's full of beans. Now DH thinks he's had "his turn" at babysitting and I won't get those two hours back.

Make your DH do his fair share of parenting then.

You get 6 hours a night sleep with a 3 month old?!

Fuck me, I had to wait years for that luxury.

But yes, annoying that DH didn’t experience the fullness of entertaining him, but two hours is a walk in the park even if the baby was awake to be fair.

What do they even do at that age, just state and gurgle a bit? Chew a toy?

It's a bit ridiculous the way you talk about wasting time having your husband looking after him and turns. He's a joint parent and it's not about him "looking after" or "babysitting"
I have a 3 month old and your post baffles me. Is the 6 hours in one stretch? That's pretty good if it is! A lot of new parents don't get anywhere near that .
I think you have a husband problem rather than a baby problem to be honest

Well DH is obviously a baby whisperer as he never sleeps that long for you.... Maybe he should take him more often

Are you breastfeeding? In which case your dh needs to look after ds for at least 6 hours unaided before he can say he looked after him.

It’s the 20 minute naps that are the killer. Are you putting him in his cot for his nap? Mine would have 20 mins out and about. 2 hours in a cot. Bliss

I'm amazed that your 3 month old needs to be entertained for 18 hours per day. When mine were that age they were entertained by something as simple as the light fitting, or a shadow on the wall, or watching me potter about. I mean this kindly - are you pushing yourself to 'entertain' the baby and exhausting yourself more in the process?

And as others have said - get your partner to step up. Tell him you're going out for the morning, and do it. Express if you're bf.

I understamd how exhausted you feel, but it’s ridiculous to want someone else to suffer just so they can feel your pain! 6 hours is a good stretch too

Also is there any reason why he couldnt of had him any longer than the allocated 2 hours? You said he could of had him on a different two hours but he still can have him surely. What did he do when you cried? Your husband needs to support you more.

Are you doing any baby groups? Might help wear him out. I feel your pain. I have an 8 month old who until recently woke every hour at night and only naps on me or in pushchair. It'll get better x

The lack of naps is utterly hideous but that is a pretty good stretch at nighttime. Are you getting enough vitamins etc?

I have a 3 month old who randomly started sleeping through last week (can/will undoubtedly change in an instant) but will not sleep longer than about 15 mins in the day unless I’m holding him or we’re in the car.

Today I have pretty much held him constantly from 9.30 am until now when I’ve had to let him scream a bit whilst I compose myself.

I’m on the verge of just losing it today (crying, nothing worrying) and my grandmother managed to ruin tomorrow for me which was going to be a whole day where I could pretty much please myself as my DH is off to have the baby.

I suppose what I’m saying is it’s FUCKING HARD AND BORING some days and I totally get it.

I agree with everyone - if he sleeps 6hours at night it's pretty good and at that age what do you need to do to keep him entertained? I remember that age as being generally easier than before or after. Easier than before because bf was working fine by then and no longer a massive struggle and easier than after because baby doesn't need much entertaining yet. My days at that age were pretty much breastfeeding (whilst watching TV) and pottering about with baby in a sling (my babies never took kindly to being put down) or going for a walk with baby in a sling. Are you trying to do too much? How are you feeling generally? Are you taking care of yourself?

Do you mean he sleeps six hours, broken up with Fred's meaning overall you get six hours when added up?
I have a three month old too, but my DH does his fair share.

DH gets in at 5.45 and plays with the baby while I tidy up tea.
6-6.45 bathtime for both dc.
6.45 milk and stories
7.00 into bed for both, baby usually asleep by 8.
Baby feeds at 11, 1, 3 and 6 ish.
DH does 11 and 1am feeds, I do the others.
I sleep 8-3 usually. And then I try to sleep 4-6 but don't normally.
DH sleeps 9-11, 12-1 and 2-7.30 as he finds it easier to fall asleep. At weekends I make sure he has lie ins until later.
Neither of us can survive without any sleep and I sure as shit am not doing it all.
At the weekends he is as hands on as me, and on his days off.

Why do you call it baby sitting? If you're that exhausted why isn't your DH taking over completely when he gets in so you can sleep?
Surely one might a week of broken sleep for him won't kill him. Even though he should be doing more in my opinion.

are you pushing yourself to 'entertain' the baby and exhausting yourself more in the process?

This is naturally very common with DC1 but anyone who has more than a couple will realise just how much you can leave a baby to itself.. and need to!

Sorry op I would have prayed for 6 hours sleep a goth when any of mine were 3 months old.

How do you entertain a 3 month old? They don’t need any entertaining at that age really. I think you’re stressing yourself out. Plus, he’s probably not napping as he’s so overtired and overstimulated!

YANBU. You don't want your DH to suffer particularly, just to feel your pain.

But it seems like he needs to do a LOT more. Night feeds at the weekend for example.

How do you entertain a 3 month old? They don’t need any entertaining at that age really.

Mine did. She was also a bugger for naps.

OP I understand completely how you feel. My little boy is 7 months old, and although he is sleeping a bit better now he doesn't sleep through yet.

When he was about 5 months he slept through the night. On the night my husband was 'on duty'. I was devastated. I can laugh about it now but I felt like my 'night off' had been completely wasted. Also, yes, I did want my DH to feel how hard it is sometimes when you're up every hour!

Your partner needs to take your baby out more to give you more breaks.

Also, PLEASE dont feel like you have to entertain a 3 month old constantly. I did, like literally constantly. I think he was probably a bit over-stimulated half the time!

**You get 6 hours a night sleep with a 3 month old?!

Fuck me, I had to wait years for that luxury.**

^This. You are expecting too much too soon.

He sleeps 3hrs, gets breastfed-changed-breastfed again which takes about an hour, then sleeps another 3hrs. So 6hrs total sleep. Which isn't enough.

He cries if I put him down or if he's being ignored. I'm not allowed to watch tv or read or do anything remotely entertaining. I have to talk and sing to him, show him toys, lift him up and shout wheee! Over and over again. Which is fine until you have to do it all day every day for months on end. He will sometimes sit and watch me iron and wash up etc, which isn't exactly stimulating either. I'm not allowed to do anything entertaining at all - except when he's feeding I can sometimes watch tv. I'm so tired and mind numbingly bored.

@UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea do you just have 1 dc? I found with my first I was constantly trying to entertain him when really, he’d of been happy watching me from a bouncer.

Same as what everyone else says is rhe 6 hrs one stretch on in total overnight? If it's one stretch it's really not that bad. My dd only did 20 min naps, but slept decently at night (with a couple of wake ups).
Having said this you need and deserve a break, your DH needs to take the baby regularly when he can so you can rest or just have time on your own. I remember how hard it was to have baby attached to me 24:7 (it seems) and you do need to grab some time away. it isn't easy OP.

he’s probably not napping as he’s so overtired and overstimulated!

im sorry but i do agree with this if you are playing with him and trying to 'entertain' him all the time.. I also dont get why your DH only looks after his baby for 2 hrs. next morning your DH is in get him to take the baby downstairs when he wakes up and have a lie in. Honestly though my 7.5 month old still doesnt sleep for 6 hours so he is doing well at night.

At 3 months children can be on a sling, in a bouncer or on a playmat and you can pretty much get on with what you like. I honestly dont get what you mean by entertaining. If you are tired just sit on the sofa and have some lovely cuddles and stick a box set on. Feed him when he needs it and he'll most likely fall asleep when he's ready.

Well get him to look after him again. I would look at why you feel so ill though - that's a good amount of sleep at night!