To find them charmingly terrible hosts?

[TheDeuteragonist]

I've gone away for the weekend with my soon to be in laws while DP is away for the weekend.

I'll preface this by saying they are wonderful people who do a lot for us and our DD, I just find the way they are to be quite amusing!

So we are staying in a static caravan. They've had this van for years and come every weekend when it's open. Me and DD and my nephew have tagged along for the weekend.

We got here last night and all of us went to the pub, kids ran around and we had a few drinks. All good. At about 9pm me and MIL walked the kids home and got them in pyjamas. I offered to sleep in the living room and give the kids the room (2 &3), so we got them off to bed. Then MIL went to bed leaving me to fend for myself. She didn't tell me where any bedding was, nor how to pull the sofa bed out. I've actually only just discovered it does pull out after FaceTiming DP!

Then, this morning I got up with the kids which made sense as I was in the living room. Made them toast, etc. They get up and we have a nice hour or so drinking tea.

FIL then goes off to do his hobby and MIL and I go for a walk with the kids. We end up in a market she always go to so we walked around. MIL goes off and buys some bits, me and DD browse. Then back to the van.

At lunchtime MIL asks me if the kids want some lunch. I say they probably will and she just stares at me so I trot off to the kitchen and whip something up for them. She then goes to the fridge and pulls out a pie, which she makes for herself and eats. No mention of what I might eat so I offer to buy everyone an ice lolly and get myself a sandwich while I'm at the shop. To be fair, there was stuff for me to make something but I just felt so awkward I did that instead.

Then dinner time comes around. We have pizza and chips. One pizza between 5 of us, which is cool, and about 6 chips each but they've cooked and included me so I'm happy enough. For dessert, kids and FIL have a yoghurt and MIL pulls out a trifle that she eats and doesn't offer to anyone else! FIL offers me a yogurt though!

I told them to go out tonight and I'd have the kids so I've sorted my bed, located no less than 3 sleeping bags and 2 blankets so I don't freeze like last night and helped myself to a few of MIL's snacks that I found hidden away!

I'll say again, this is light hearted as I love them to bits and they probably don't view me as a 'guest' as such but a member of the family who will fend for themselves. Which in itself is lovely. But damn I would have killed for some trifle!

AIBU to think they are charmingly bad at hosting?

YANU - that’s remarkable.
But it sounds like you handled it well.

Finally you said it in the last paragraph!

They're not 'hosting' and you're not a 'guest', you're family.

I'm not sure how you feel about that, but I much prefer that than feeling like a guest.

... Are they like this when they're at home? Or do they feed and water you when you go to their home? You've got to ovary up and make your needs known!

This whole post is charmingly bonkers. Are they related to me? Sounds just like my family

They're fairly laid back people.

Generally at home we will go out to eat, or if at their house FIL will make a brew. I don't think they've ever offered a sandwich or anything like that, which is fine as I don't expect it.

I was bemused last night when MIL went to bed. I thought she might emerge from the bedroom with a sleeping bag or something so when she never came back I wasn't sure what to do. I found some blankets and made do and discovered a bunch of sleeping bags in the kids room.

It was only when I was moaning to DP on FaceTime about the bed being so uncomfortable and narrow that he pointed out it pulls out.

I really don't expect anything from them and I love feeling so comfortable around them that I can do things like have an afternoon nap on the sofa while DD napped. But if I make something, like breakfast or lunch, I'll shout out and see if someone else would like some. So I found it bizarre to see MIL crack on with her pie with no word said!

Next time take youre own trifle

Why didn't you say, "Ooooo! Trifle!! I lurrrrrrrve trifle!"

it may not have occurred to her to offer it around.

You're family

Yes, but would you sit and eat a trifle in front of your family without offering any to any one else? Would you leave your parent/partner/sibling or any other family member to construct their own bed without telling them how or where the bedding is?

Doesn't sound charmingly terrible to me. Just sounds fucking rude.

FIL then goes off to do his hobby

Doesn't this make the caravan shake a bit?

Jen, I know I should have. She walked around the table towards me with a bowl and I thought I was in luck. And then she sat down and got stuck in.

The moment had then passed and I didn't need the trifle and my waistline will probably thank me (forgetting the snacks)! But it just struck me as bizarre as it was a big trifle and we go home tomorrow.

Maybe she will have it as a drunken snack when she gets in

Haff, I did fume a bit to DP about the bed because as I'd never slept on it before it would have been helpful to be shown or told how to do it. Or even to ask if I knew how. I think they just assumed I knew...

The post about the van shaking just made me nearly wake the kids laughing.

I'm astounded you'd go and stay with your in-laws, without your DP, in a caravan! Whole thing sounds bonkers!

You say you and kids 'tagged along' were you actually invited or did you invite yourself?

Yes they are being bad hosts but they sound like they don't want you there! Sorry!

Some people are just batty. Honestly they sound exactly like my family my in laws were most perplexed at first and now they are used to it. My sil was treated to lovely burnt goulash on first meeting and just expected to tuck in from the pan. She still laughs now.

I think some people really don't think things through, especially when it comes to hosting kids if they haven't had them around for a while. I'm glad you can forgive them and see past it.

I'm glad your not taking it personally op . They most likely arent trying to be rude just not thinking. Expecting you to speak up if you need something.

Don't think there's anything charming about it! Seems rude and unwelcoming.

Delatron, we were invited.

I don't know why it sounds strange. I have been with their son for 4 years and we have a child together. I go out with them quite often when DP is working and we go shopping and have lunch. It's actually a great relationship.

Similarly if I'm away sometimes my DP will go and see my mum with DD. Is that not the done thing?

It would seem that they didn't want me to be there, and it might be so. They are creatures of habit and have their set routines so us being there might throw them. That being said, they're not much different at home it's just less obvious as might see them for just 1 hour at a time! I think if they didn't want us to come they wouldn't have offered. Maybe I'm wrong?

Sounds like my family. It wears a bit thin. I prefer a hotel these days.

No your not wrong. You sound like you have a lovely albeit mad relationship with them. Some people arent used to weird families like this so it sounds like they are rude. They arent trying to be its just lack of awareness.

I’m sure they want you there OP! Don’t doubt that. It’s just clearly how they are.

When you say “tagged along”, do you mean they invited you? Because I honestly cannot imagine anything worse than sharing a caravan with three extra people, two of them children.

I'm a self confessed shit host! She probably didn't even realise. If someone was close enough to come on holiday with me it wouldn't even occur to me that they wouldn't freely help themselves to food etc and would be waiting to be offered. So in a way its probably a compliment

Why did you not just ask where the bed stuff was? Or say 'oooh trifle, enough for two?' or 'I'm not sure one pizza is enough shall we pick up another'

Make sure to teach your child to speak up in the future my sil has made sure my neices always ask if they are hungry/thirsty and what they want to eat because nothing is offered. You have to ask to get anything here.

Maybe I'm wrong?

I don't think there is anything in your op that suggests that your in laws don't want you there? After all they invited you!

Sounds a bit like my FIL. 16 years I’ve been visiting his house, and I’ve never been offered as much as a glass of tap water. Was there last night and he went into the kitchen, then came back into the living room with a glass of wine and a little plate of cheese all for himself, and a handful of treats for my dog!

It’s very much not a “help yourself” house, I just think it doesn’t dawn on him to feed or water anyone other than himself and the pooch!
We were once there all day doing some decorating for him. At lunchtime, he heated up some soup for himself, and asked if we were going to McDonald’s

When he visits us, we always make tea/coffee, provide wine and lunch or cake etc.

We get along very well so I don’t take it personally at all.
It’s just bonkers.