To find them charmingly terrible hosts?

[TheDeuteragonist]

I've gone away for the weekend with my soon to be in laws while DP is away for the weekend.

I'll preface this by saying they are wonderful people who do a lot for us and our DD, I just find the way they are to be quite amusing!

So we are staying in a static caravan. They've had this van for years and come every weekend when it's open. Me and DD and my nephew have tagged along for the weekend.

We got here last night and all of us went to the pub, kids ran around and we had a few drinks. All good. At about 9pm me and MIL walked the kids home and got them in pyjamas. I offered to sleep in the living room and give the kids the room (2 &3), so we got them off to bed. Then MIL went to bed leaving me to fend for myself. She didn't tell me where any bedding was, nor how to pull the sofa bed out. I've actually only just discovered it does pull out after FaceTiming DP!

Then, this morning I got up with the kids which made sense as I was in the living room. Made them toast, etc. They get up and we have a nice hour or so drinking tea.

FIL then goes off to do his hobby and MIL and I go for a walk with the kids. We end up in a market she always go to so we walked around. MIL goes off and buys some bits, me and DD browse. Then back to the van.

At lunchtime MIL asks me if the kids want some lunch. I say they probably will and she just stares at me so I trot off to the kitchen and whip something up for them. She then goes to the fridge and pulls out a pie, which she makes for herself and eats. No mention of what I might eat so I offer to buy everyone an ice lolly and get myself a sandwich while I'm at the shop. To be fair, there was stuff for me to make something but I just felt so awkward I did that instead.

Then dinner time comes around. We have pizza and chips. One pizza between 5 of us, which is cool, and about 6 chips each but they've cooked and included me so I'm happy enough. For dessert, kids and FIL have a yoghurt and MIL pulls out a trifle that she eats and doesn't offer to anyone else! FIL offers me a yogurt though!

I told them to go out tonight and I'd have the kids so I've sorted my bed, located no less than 3 sleeping bags and 2 blankets so I don't freeze like last night and helped myself to a few of MIL's snacks that I found hidden away!

I'll say again, this is light hearted as I love them to bits and they probably don't view me as a 'guest' as such but a member of the family who will fend for themselves. Which in itself is lovely. But damn I would have killed for some trifle!

AIBU to think they are charmingly bad at hosting?

Sorry to disappoint, MeanTangerine!

Yes, rather silly of me re:bedding. I should have knocked on in hindsight but was just a bit

Again, if it were my caravan I would have said that the sofa pulls out and blankets are in X, Y, Z. So i think she probably thought I already knew.

Not lying in bed...still out on the town.

So probably slagging me off in the pub

I think they were incredibly rude. if I were you I wouldnt suck it up and tell it to dp.

arethereanyleftatall but if you invited loads of friends and not one bought food that suggests it was you who had got it wrong, and what you said indicated you would be providing food. If someone invited me to a bbq I would only bring my own meat if they said "bring your own stuff".
OP sounds like MIL did mean to feed you though otherwise why would she say she had pizza for you? And why not just say, I'm getting a pie for lunch, what about you? If she was getting annoyed. I think you probably should have talked about eating before you went tbh, but it would be weird to just assume everyond would sort out their own food individually when sharing a caravan, you would talk about it. I've never been on holiday with someone and not shared food iyswim?

Yeah me too, they were just rude e.g., an adult stuffed her face with trifle in front of kids who were only given a yoghurt?

I'm a bit shocked you didn't buy groceries for yourself and the children and your PIL. You have free accommodation and are giving out about having to buy yourself a sandwich. Your MIL made a very pointed remark when she asked you if the children were hungry ie she was waiting for them to be fed and she was not going to be the person doing it.

You may well feel you have a lovely relationship with your MIL but imho it is less of thinking you are family and more they think you are taking advantage. Your MIL was rude, not bonkers. And I wonder if there is a history of you arriving empty handed and she is sick and tired of it.

As we are in the middle of a place with shops, etc. I didn't anticipate eating to be an issue.

I had no idea she'd got the pie or trifle from the market until she whipped them out! I had assumed the conversation would happen at lunchtime and we would sort something.

There’s nothing charming about rudeness like this. Everyone fending for themselves is fine if that is what is known to be the routine, but as this is the first time they have had you there there should have been a briefing about how the pull out bed works and where to find bedding and some discussion about how food is going to work. They may have had you there but it wasn’t hosting in any meaningful sense of the word.

Maybe it's just habit - FIL might hate trifle so it's something she buys for herself?

I do think it's charming actually. They're just getting on with their usual routine and just assume everyone else knows what's going on. OP clearly needs to steer things at least enough to not starve though!

Whitesea, maybe but I doubt it.

DP and I take them out and Pay for them to eat quite regularly - we took them on holiday a few months back and they barely paid for anything. But I don't expect it in return and I absolutely do pay my way, just thought it ridiculous to turn up with bread when they had 2 loaves of the stuff and they told me they had all the essentials.

Anything further I would expect to be at least mentioned, I'm not a mind reader. It was lunchtime and she asked the question about the kids, one of whom is as much as their responsibility this weekend. I said I'll make them something and did them a sandwich. Not sure a grandparent would begrudge their 2 year old granddaughter some bread and ham! I also asked if I could make her anything and that's when she said she had a pie. I never once mentioned myself or what I would eat and not giving out about buying a sandwich as I just went out and bought it.

I actually thought the whole thing was quite amusing.

Your sense of humour about the whole thing is pretty awesome.

I don't think it is amusing, it is sad. it is not like how a family should be.

Anathema, that's how I saw it.

This is what they do every weekend, so they probably think anyone else automatically knows. And by and large they do, just not me

Their routines are rigid and timed and I'm nearly certain now that MIL gets the same pie and trifle every weekend from the same place.

I may not be a guest to them but I feel like one here as it's not a familiar environment. I came in just prepared to follow their lead, and I think we have muddled through!

Sounds to me like the impression they have is you expect to be catered for and not buy any food or drink.

At lunchtime MIL asks me if the kids want some lunch. I say they probably will and she just stares at me so I trot off to the kitchen and whip something up for them.

I suggest she expected you to all go out for lunch and not make lunch from the cupboards, especially as you hadn't contributed.

Well, at least you'll know next time, won't you? Talk to the woman: "what arrangements do we have for food? Shall I get the main meal and you do the pudding? Or do we all cater for ourselves?" I think it was just a misunderstanding - she thought you were providing the food and you thought she was.

I would find it very bizarre, having invited someone to what is essentially my house (holiday home), having told them not to bring anything, that I'd then take Umbrage to them making a sandwich for a 2 year old and a 3 year old (one of whom was my own responsibility).

She had bought a pie so was clearly not expecting to go out.

I would also find it strange to suggest that 2 out of 4 leave to have lunch elsewhere while the others have lunch there.

As this is effectively a holiday for them that you have tagged along on I think you have to cut them some slack. If I invite people to my 'main' home I cook, make up beds etc but if they come with us to our holiday home I expect people to muck in because it's my holiday too. Even to the extent of DH's most important client vacuuming the bedrooms at the end of a weekend there whilst his boss did the washing up.

That being said I do make it clear to any new visitors what the meal routines and house rules are and show them where to find drinks/snacks etc.

I think they sound so relaxed with you that they have forgotten that you may not be used to their little ways. Look on this first trip as a learning experience. Next time you will be prepared.

Loon, you're right and I absolutely mucked in.

I thought it would be silly of me to buy a load of food that wouldn't get eaten if we were eating out and wouldn't survive the journey back home.

I contributed in many ways from getting the kids into bed, reading stories, making tea, washing up, hoovering, making lunch, buying drinks, etc.

Clearly, though, my faux pas lay in not bringing any food or bedding.

I think they are just thoughtless people, not intentionally rude or unkind. I also think I would decline invitations there in the future. It seems it would be easier to maintain your good feelings toward them if you avoided this happening again.

Christ. There are some truly odd people on MN. OP, I can't imagine inviting anyone to stay with me and not making sure they were stuffed full of food and comfortable where they slept! And how weird and stingy to invite people to a barbecue (whoever that was) and expect them to bring their own meat! A bottle of wine or a pudding, sure, but when you invite someone you are the host and as such you, you know, host!
I'm glad you are so sanguine about it-I think I would go home!
Only on MN do I ever read about people saying of guests "well you have free accommodation so you must bring all your own food.."
Really?? When I stay with old friends I do bring wine etc-I sometimes cook for them, but they don't expect it. So weird!

Honestly OP if you came to stay with me I would not expect you to bring your own bedding either!

I don't understand how you contributed by getting the children into bed. Only one of them was yours but you brought them both there so you are the person who has to put them to bed, you are writing as if you were doing your PIL a favour by being the one who did it. You are also repeating that you made lunch. But you did so only after being prompted by your MIL and even then you made a sandwich and bought a sandwich? Did you offer to make something for your PIL at all before your MIL whipped out her pie? Or am I missing something?

Only on MN do I ever read about people saying of guests "well you have free accommodation so you must bring all your own food.."

However it sounds like in this case, this is what was expected or at least a conversation about eating out, buying meals etc.

The bedding issue is odd though.

I didn't bring them both?

They bought my nephew...

Sorry, this is ridiculous and I always intended this to be lighthearted.

I understood they were trying to be nice and have me and DD while DP was away. Technically my nephew is nothing to do with me but of course I would do all of the things for him that I do for DD and have. I don't want a medal.

I asked MIL if she would like some lunch and she said no, I have a pie. And proceeded to light up the oven and cook it. I was never at any point rude or difficult. I would have sorted DD and nephew regardless, she didn't prompt me but a conversation did follow where I said shall I make them a sandwich as they were playing at the time.

I offered everyone an ice lolly and went to the shop, picked up a sarnie and ate it. I didn't hit her in the face with it.

I absolutely believe I have been respectful and kind in their space. I've cleaned up after myself and DD, found my own way through things and helped them a bit with my nephew. I'm not sure where I fall foul in the guest stakes other than not bringing food I was told not to bring