To STILL be considered odd to keep my maiden name, even though it's 2018?

[jamoncrumpets]

I married DH in 2013. I kept my surname for a number of reasons: wasn't that enamoured of DH's, feminist reasons, I just really like my own surname.

Didn't make a deal out of it at all, but did mention to family and family-in-law that I'd be keeping my name. Kept the explanation brief 'I just like my name', and left it at that.

So why am I STILL receiving post from family addressed to 'Mrs DHSURNAME'?! Even from my own DF?!

Then today I was talking to one of my aunts and she was utterly shocked that I was happy to have a different surname to my DC 'But he's your SON, how can you not want the same name, you're a FAMILY?!' - tbh it never entered my head to care! I adore my DS, and my husband, and don't feel like our name is the vital thing that links us together.

AIBU to just be a little bit fed up of having to explain myself over and over again to people?! How can I politely tell these people to fuck off?

My job means I kept my name (I'm named on stuff) and I get sick of it but I must admit I've started using DS's at school because messages were going astray.

It's bloody annoying though.

I think we should stop calling it 'my maiden name' and just call it 'my name' tbh.

Posted too soon.

When they say "Why haven't you got the same name as DH?" reply "Wow, that would have been a coincidence, wouldn't it?!'

...sorry pressed send too quickly.
Some people are just really old fashioned. Take no notice and do what you like.
I did insist on the kids getting my name too, poor things.

I do just think of it as 'my name' fourfried, I just wanted to clarify to prevent drip feeding

If I kept my own name I would have had the children registered in my name too. My friend has three children all with different surnames to her.

oh yes i realise that, i just meant in general i think we should ban the term,,:)

Why though GottaGetMoving? I don't understand the need for my DS to have my surname. I carried him for 9 months. I fed him. I wipe his butt every day.

I'm keeping my name, my children are myname-exsname and myname-fiancesname respectively.

I won't change my name and not sharw a name with DC1. I won't double-barrel my own name to be the same as DC2 as OH won't do the same.

Plus it's my name, I like it.

My SIL has four children, three surnames, and all different to hers! (She went back to her "maiden" name after each divorce/seperation and remains divorced.)

It is actually very confusing. I've addressed cards to the children with the wrong surname before because I forgot which father was which .

I’m changing my name and it’s a pain in the arse!y systems at work won’t connect up and my printer code is still in my old name and e-mail. Companies practically want a signed declaration in blood....I hated my name though so want to change it

Apart from an age thing ( your aunt, your father) I wonder if it is a demographic thing as well.

In the area where I live it is really unusual for someone to keep their name. FB posts are full of comments like ' only 3 more days before I'm Mrs. ( his name)' and similar.

Even women in my organisation that are high up in management change their name as soon as they are wed.
Perhaps keeping your name hasn't caught on in some places Up North!

How is it confusing if my DCs have the same name as their dad and I have another? That's only one extra name to remember.

*separation

Why though GottaGetMoving? I don't understand the need for my DS to have my surname. I carried him for 9 months. I fed him. I wipe his butt every day

It's just more practical. As I said, my friend has three children all with different names and all different to hers. Only one of the dads bothers with his child. Why should they take their father's name?

If course you don’t want to keep your maiden name. Don’t be silly. Here’s why.

1. It’s not your name-it’s your father’s name. Unlike your husband’s name, which is uniquely his and not his father’s name at all.
2. It’s a woman’s name. So it will be ugly, difficult to spell and pronounce. Or it will be incredibly boring. Unlike your husband’s name, which is a man’s name, so will be beautiful, interesting, easy to spell and say.
3. If your child does not have his father’s name, people might think he’s a step child. Which would be awful. And if you don’t have the same name as your child, you won’t be a “little family” a “unit” or a “team”. Which would also be awful. So you have to take your husband’s name. Because 2. And 4.
4. And anyway, you don’t want to look as if you are try too hard, making a point, a feminist or a ball breaker.

jamoncrumpets My SIL's situation is confusing because she has (not real names obvs) four children: Emily Bronte, Charlotte Bronte, Ernest Hemingway, George Orwell and she is Virginia Woolf!

That's not my situation though GottaGetMoving, I'm married to my DCs DF. They both (born and unborn) have the same DF. And how exactly is it more 'practical' and for whom? Them? Or you?

Because your family are eejits.

Don't see the issue qwerty, those are their names! Families are blended now, surely this is happening more and more often.

If course you don’t want to keep your maiden name. Don’t be silly. Here’s why.
1) It’s not your name-it’s your father’s name. Unlike your husband’s name, which is uniquely his and not his father’s name at all.
2) It’s a woman’s name. So it will be ugly, difficult to spell and pronounce. Or it will be incredibly boring. Unlike your husband’s name, which is a man’s name, so will be beautiful, interesting, easy to spell and say.
3) If your child does not have his father’s name, people might think he’s a step child. Which would be awful. And if you don’t have the same name as your child, you won’t be a “little family” a “unit” or a “team”. Which would also be awful. So you have to take your husband’s name. Because 2. And 4.
4) And anyway, you don’t want to look as if you are try too hard, making a point, a feminist or a ball breaker.

That about sums it up. Aaargh.

I started forwarding anything that arrived for 'Mrs DHName' to his mother. Word got round.

Almost 14 years here and still the same. It’s clearly too complex a thing for many to comprehend. One relative will send a cheque in my [maiden] name (because she knows I can’t cash anything else in an envelope addressed to Mrs Hisname. WTAF?!

You forgot that she's also putting other women off feminism Bertrand, but other than that I believe you have the key points covered.

If course you don’t want to keep your maiden name. Don’t be silly. Here’s why.
1) It’s not your name-it’s your father’s name. Unlike your husband’s name, which is uniquely his and not his father’s name at all.
2) It’s a woman’s name. So it will be ugly, difficult to spell and pronounce. Or it will be incredibly boring. Unlike your husband’s name, which is a man’s name, so will be beautiful, interesting, easy to spell and say.
3) If your child does not have his father’s name, people might think he’s a step child. Which would be awful. And if you don’t have the same name as your child, you won’t be a “little family” a “unit” or a “team”. Which would also be awful. So you have to take your husband’s name. Because 2. And 4.
4) And anyway, you don’t want to look as if you are try too hard, making a point, a feminist or a ball breaker.

It’s official. I love you.

It's a family name. If you don't want to be in the same family as everyone else, then that's your prerogative.

Is this just a western women phenomenon I wonder?